Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Gima: Alone All Alone"fantasy adventure
18 total reviews
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello bd, This is an intriguing story. How long have you had it in your mind? Like I said, it seems a little different for you, but I like the difference. I am curious how the story pans out. Hope all is well with you. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Hello bd, This is an intriguing story. How long have you had it in your mind? Like I said, it seems a little different for you, but I like the difference. I am curious how the story pans out. Hope all is well with you. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Hi Chirsfiore, thank you for reading and finding the story intriguing. It all there in my head and now in outlines of places, characters, storylines that intertwine, etc. on my computer and copied just incase that crashes. LOL It was not there until it started to be written. Then I got serious about developing it when so many asked liked the characters and wanted it to continue. It could go on forever.LOL. Alls well here. Thank you for asking. Hope you and yours are fine as well, my friend.:)ellen
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--The 'good stuff' continues, bd. Another excellent chapter/episode in this thrilling fantasy saga.
Even without reading earlier chapters, one is caught up with on what's going on, and it is very intriguing indeed.
What a world, species concept and plot you've developed here. Is the 'Pop' truly human? Will it and Blathen grown up to become mortal enemies/mutual nemesis? What transpires when Trell confronts Asmal and Hunter? What ...? I know, I know, read the next episode(s). LOL. When this is released in Hollywood in 2020, I can proudly proclaim, "Oh yeah, I knew the author--personally". :):)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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--The 'good stuff' continues, bd. Another excellent chapter/episode in this thrilling fantasy saga.
Even without reading earlier chapters, one is caught up with on what's going on, and it is very intriguing indeed.
What a world, species concept and plot you've developed here. Is the 'Pop' truly human? Will it and Blathen grown up to become mortal enemies/mutual nemesis? What transpires when Trell confronts Asmal and Hunter? What ...? I know, I know, read the next episode(s). LOL. When this is released in Hollywood in 2020, I can proudly proclaim, "Oh yeah, I knew the author--personally". :):)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Oh, Bay K. Sure it's gonna be a movie. Ya, think. I'm just playin' and having fun. I'm glad you and others are intrigued and you're right, I'm not telling the plot...cause it sort of twists to where it's going and could always take a detour. Maybe in the final book in the series you'll have the answers. LOL Oh, remember Gima mentioned her sister. We go to Under Earth again.
Love your wishful thinking for my fame and fortune.:)ellen xxx
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Great read, bd; you're quite welcome!
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
One spag I noticed to get out the way - mange should be manage the baby.
A beautifully paced chapter to the novel. I like the way you jump from hunters to hunted in true movie style.
You describe your characters by their actions and dialogue in a free flowing easy to grasp style.
Good idea to warn reviewers who don't like the genre off. I've had dreadful reviews from people who simply say they hate sci-fi!
Ron xox
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Hi ellen
One spag I noticed to get out the way - mange should be manage the baby.
A beautifully paced chapter to the novel. I like the way you jump from hunters to hunted in true movie style.
You describe your characters by their actions and dialogue in a free flowing easy to grasp style.
Good idea to warn reviewers who don't like the genre off. I've had dreadful reviews from people who simply say they hate sci-fi!
Ron xox
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Ron for such a fine review. I swear, I corrected that word(manage) twice before. I hope it save this time. LOL
So, that's movie style. Go figure, I really don't know what I'm doing. I thought this might have been all a jumble, but you seemed to like it and its pacing. Yes, I got really tired of the sci-fi haters telling me that they hated reading it because it was creepy. Maddening! Tried the warning...we'll see if it helps so there aren't any two's. I love doing dialogue and am glad the characters are presenting themselves. With three very different male characters and me not so much male, this is becoming a challenge. LOL Thank you, Ron. You're the tops.:)ellen xxx
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There's a flaw on FanStory. When you go to a new post from your PM notification you always get the original posting. I need to collect your work from your profile to see the results of any editing. So you could well be told several times about a corrected spag!! Good old FanStory! xox
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Really, so corrections don't show if the post was PM'd. Well, that sucks(I must watch and not let Asmel speak. LOL) Crazy stuff this. A flaw, as in single flaw... let me count the ways. LOL :)ellen xxx
Comment from moyramouse
Hi Ellen, I noticed a few Flying Finger Faults
How can such a large man NOT be able to mange( manage) a baby?
All three dose ( doze) off peacefully, ( not sure if this is US spelling)
they(,) like the deer(,) are the hunted and must run.
Longer strides place determination on its path. Just love this sentence!
Although this is not a genre I would usually choose to read I was carried along by the story. I liked the way you switched from Gima and Trell to Hunter and Asmel, it kept the tension rising - would they catch her?
I was intrigued that she had another child that looked human. What was the relationship between her and the 'papas'?
Nice cliffhanger to leave us with! What will happen when Trell discovers them as surely he must? xxxxmouse
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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Hi Ellen, I noticed a few Flying Finger Faults
How can such a large man NOT be able to mange( manage) a baby?
All three dose ( doze) off peacefully, ( not sure if this is US spelling)
they(,) like the deer(,) are the hunted and must run.
Longer strides place determination on its path. Just love this sentence!
Although this is not a genre I would usually choose to read I was carried along by the story. I liked the way you switched from Gima and Trell to Hunter and Asmel, it kept the tension rising - would they catch her?
I was intrigued that she had another child that looked human. What was the relationship between her and the 'papas'?
Nice cliffhanger to leave us with! What will happen when Trell discovers them as surely he must? xxxxmouse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much mouse for your review and catching the nits that spell checker missed and me, the two commas. LOL I'm glad to hear that the intertwined scenes pushed the story along. I hoped it would maintain tension and you said it increased it which is even better! In the first chapter went they found her after Hunter's rescue, they took her hoping to start a family. It's a bit gory but a better way to catch up than me telling you.
The next chapter will leave this hanging. I figure the guys can hang out in the woods for a while.LOL Chapter 4 goes back to Under Earth. I mentioned Gima's sister...
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Agood chapter and yes I can see the science fiction in the story. An enterwting story line with great imagery. THE STORY WAS EASY TO FOLLOW. i LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT CHAPTER. MARY
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Agood chapter and yes I can see the science fiction in the story. An enterwting story line with great imagery. THE STORY WAS EASY TO FOLLOW. i LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT CHAPTER. MARY
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Mary for your very generous review. I'm glad that the entertwining story line worked. It was my first try with that. Wheew! The next chapter is a bit more shocking as we see Under Earth again. Thank you again for your comments and high reward.:)barking dog
Comment from peggles
Good continuation for your story
Although this as very long
It was time well spent
You continue to hold my interest
as I am not a true blue si-fi fan I am amazed by my interest in this one
I can't wait for the rest of this to be posted
You have well defined your character's
The tension is building and so very gripping
Well done
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Good continuation for your story
Although this as very long
It was time well spent
You continue to hold my interest
as I am not a true blue si-fi fan I am amazed by my interest in this one
I can't wait for the rest of this to be posted
You have well defined your character's
The tension is building and so very gripping
Well done
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you, peggles for this review. I'm so thrilled that you liked this chapter. I know it was awfully long, but couldn't find a good spot to cut it and make two posts. Congrats to you! You plowed through it. I don't know what it is really as far as category. Sometimes it gets gory and then its horror, then its sort of fantasy, too. It's futuristic which makes it sci-fi and thriller as they are having an adventure. I as a writer am very confused as to how to post it. LOL More chapters are coming. I don't post often. Thank you for saying the characters are well defined. That is a big help and very important. The six is magnificent. Thank you so much:)barking dog
Comment from oozer
i CANNOT HELP GIVING THIS SIX STARS ALTHOUGH I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING MUCH MORE SHOCKING--AFTER READING THE BLURB. yOU SEE I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN THE 'beautiful ugliness' of the writing.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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i CANNOT HELP GIVING THIS SIX STARS ALTHOUGH I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING MUCH MORE SHOCKING--AFTER READING THE BLURB. yOU SEE I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN THE 'beautiful ugliness' of the writing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you, oozer for your review on the 'beautiful ugliness' of this chapter. It didn't have the the gore as in the first chapter which I promise to bring that back in the next. Thank you so much for the six stars. I'm so flattered. I hope you catch the next chapter set in Under Earth.:)barking dog
Comment from gypsynet
the element of thrill pumps as a sense of foreboding arises in the trelly scenes... a shift to another setting provides attention getting technique that pasces the action in a more fast mode... dialogue is keen and tense lending credence to the setting... good page!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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the element of thrill pumps as a sense of foreboding arises in the trelly scenes... a shift to another setting provides attention getting technique that pasces the action in a more fast mode... dialogue is keen and tense lending credence to the setting... good page!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thank you, gypsynet for this fantastic review. It gives me some clues to what is working in this piece. I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to read such a long post. :)barking dog