Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Part 4 Chapter 6"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
82 total reviews
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
This story is coming right along. I look forward to the time when,Anna goes to court and wins her case. Then she can begin a new life with her baby.Very well written and good use of this platform.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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This story is coming right along. I look forward to the time when,Anna goes to court and wins her case. Then she can begin a new life with her baby.Very well written and good use of this platform.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ACormello
Having been personal witness to some very disfunctional relationships, I'd like to say that this chapter is decent enough. I have a couple of nitpicks- minor details that are really part of personality variance- and so long as you've already taken them into consideration, then we can conclude that Anna is just that strong of a woman.
Item: A woman in (and even subsequent to) a codependant relationship of this sort has a tendency to not answer questions directly.
["...If you were stupid, you wouldn't have been able to do that. Am I right?"
She nodded.]
The nod strikes me as too... direct. Even in this sort of situation, where she's making a move to escape her abuser, the undercurrent of seeking approval, trying to guess, even subconsciously, what the other person wants, would lead to a moment of hesitation. Whether the guardedly searches his expression looking for the answer, or begins to hesitate only to shake it off and force herself upright and state boldly her faith in herself, that hesitation is almost always there, especially at the restraining order stage of things. If she CAN do this without hesitation (still highly iffy, considering she's still got Bobby's undercurrent of abuse loud enough in her mind to repeat it back to her lawyer) then she's got a very strong personality, and it's something the lawyer, who has dealt with codependence before, would at least mentally note with approval.
Truthfully, it's a minor thing- not something that would be even noticed by people who've never been in this situation or been around such events, although this sort of abusive relationship is pretty common in trailer parks, an area in which I have a small but depressingly intense bit of experience in.
The other issue is the lawyer putting his hands over Anna's This can be seen as slightly dominating, which is why some legal specialists tend to shy away from these sorts of comforting gestures, simply because it replaces one dominant figure with another, more "benevolent" one, without addressing the issue of WHY the abused partner is passive in the first place. Paul is trying to get her to assert her independence on her own, so any gesture which could be seen as "I know what's best for you" might want to be toned down.
Despite these two spots, the writing is solid, and the topic neither trivialized nor overdone. The stuff I brought up isn't huge at all, and could be left in without most people even thinking twice about it- I'm just hypersensitive on this score. Solid writing, good story.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Having been personal witness to some very disfunctional relationships, I'd like to say that this chapter is decent enough. I have a couple of nitpicks- minor details that are really part of personality variance- and so long as you've already taken them into consideration, then we can conclude that Anna is just that strong of a woman.
Item: A woman in (and even subsequent to) a codependant relationship of this sort has a tendency to not answer questions directly.
["...If you were stupid, you wouldn't have been able to do that. Am I right?"
She nodded.]
The nod strikes me as too... direct. Even in this sort of situation, where she's making a move to escape her abuser, the undercurrent of seeking approval, trying to guess, even subconsciously, what the other person wants, would lead to a moment of hesitation. Whether the guardedly searches his expression looking for the answer, or begins to hesitate only to shake it off and force herself upright and state boldly her faith in herself, that hesitation is almost always there, especially at the restraining order stage of things. If she CAN do this without hesitation (still highly iffy, considering she's still got Bobby's undercurrent of abuse loud enough in her mind to repeat it back to her lawyer) then she's got a very strong personality, and it's something the lawyer, who has dealt with codependence before, would at least mentally note with approval.
Truthfully, it's a minor thing- not something that would be even noticed by people who've never been in this situation or been around such events, although this sort of abusive relationship is pretty common in trailer parks, an area in which I have a small but depressingly intense bit of experience in.
The other issue is the lawyer putting his hands over Anna's This can be seen as slightly dominating, which is why some legal specialists tend to shy away from these sorts of comforting gestures, simply because it replaces one dominant figure with another, more "benevolent" one, without addressing the issue of WHY the abused partner is passive in the first place. Paul is trying to get her to assert her independence on her own, so any gesture which could be seen as "I know what's best for you" might want to be toned down.
Despite these two spots, the writing is solid, and the topic neither trivialized nor overdone. The stuff I brought up isn't huge at all, and could be left in without most people even thinking twice about it- I'm just hypersensitive on this score. Solid writing, good story.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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I will take your suggestions into consideration. I appreciate your review.
Comment from TammyGail
Well done domestic violence is sick but it is out there for sure- love how well you updated the reader - I will have to read some more again - Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Well done domestic violence is sick but it is out there for sure- love how well you updated the reader - I will have to read some more again - Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review,
Comment from WilliamDeen
Great chapter to add to your book! Will Anna go through with the divorce? Will he find her at work and kill her? You have developed your characters well and the dialogue is perfect. Billy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Great chapter to add to your book! Will Anna go through with the divorce? Will he find her at work and kill her? You have developed your characters well and the dialogue is perfect. Billy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind reviw. Bobby is in jail right now.
Comment from PrincessinPurple
The story is progressing nicely. I hope all ends well for Troy and Anna. I do hope Bobby's bail get revoke and he ends up in jail for a very long time.
Keep up the great work.
I hope you will be better soon.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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The story is progressing nicely. I hope all ends well for Troy and Anna. I do hope Bobby's bail get revoke and he ends up in jail for a very long time.
Keep up the great work.
I hope you will be better soon.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Your welcome.
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading this Barbara and I thought it was cleverly written. It was very well thought out too. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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I enjoyed reading this Barbara and I thought it was cleverly written. It was very well thought out too. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from egmosley
Barbara,
Domestic violence is an area of importance,and it is highly complicated especially when children are involved. Your story shows the emotional and the legality of it. By reading it, anyone who is going through abuse will be well-schooled on the emotional and the practical side of it. Thanks for helping the world.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Barbara,
Domestic violence is an area of importance,and it is highly complicated especially when children are involved. Your story shows the emotional and the legality of it. By reading it, anyone who is going through abuse will be well-schooled on the emotional and the practical side of it. Thanks for helping the world.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jclark
You are giving lots of good information about how women can get others involved in helping them break away from their abusers. Story is great and very "real"
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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You are giving lots of good information about how women can get others involved in helping them break away from their abusers. Story is great and very "real"
Judy
Comment Written 12-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
i think this is an excellent piece and hopefully there are some out there that will apply it to their own circumstance and break the cycle
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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i think this is an excellent piece and hopefully there are some out there that will apply it to their own circumstance and break the cycle
Comment Written 12-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Joyce Crowe
excellent as usual. Its good that you have theparagraph at the beginning that tells readers what happened before this chapter began. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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excellent as usual. Its good that you have theparagraph at the beginning that tells readers what happened before this chapter began. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. When I break up chapters, I almost have to include the previous paragraph to remind my readers what's happened.
