The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "When is Too Much Too Much?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
36 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
I guess those of us lucky enough to have lived a 'normal' life see things in simple black and white. It's obvious that issues are not so simple with the life poor old Mom has lived. Not only James' father, but his grandfather will such an evil background.
You wrote this beautifully.
Ron
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Hi Smurphy
I guess those of us lucky enough to have lived a 'normal' life see things in simple black and white. It's obvious that issues are not so simple with the life poor old Mom has lived. Not only James' father, but his grandfather will such an evil background.
You wrote this beautifully.
Ron
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
This chapter explains a lot to this reader as well as James. His father was a nightmare of a person who is also a killer. Maybe James shouldn't know the truth about him but if his mother doesn't tell him someone else might....better to hear it from her. I wasn't confused by this at all, even though I am confused most of the time! (smile) You wrote this chapter extremely well with good descriptions and compelling lines. Well done. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Hi Smurph,
This chapter explains a lot to this reader as well as James. His father was a nightmare of a person who is also a killer. Maybe James shouldn't know the truth about him but if his mother doesn't tell him someone else might....better to hear it from her. I wasn't confused by this at all, even though I am confused most of the time! (smile) You wrote this chapter extremely well with good descriptions and compelling lines. Well done. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Definitely a dark chapter. You'll be happy to know the next one is mild and you will get a brief break.
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Don't need a break I love this story!
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Too late!!!
Comment from whitteron
Dressed in her familiar sophisticated Barbie attire, something Dad would have chosen...great line
delicat"e
This made me sick to my stomach and gave me the chills--paticularly the outhouse bit....yikes. Truth is always stranger than fiction, and evil is bottomless....this moving along perfectly. I love the suspense, and the way bit by bit you are unraveling a gruesome tale. Edgar Allen, are you listening?
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Dressed in her familiar sophisticated Barbie attire, something Dad would have chosen...great line
delicat"e
This made me sick to my stomach and gave me the chills--paticularly the outhouse bit....yikes. Truth is always stranger than fiction, and evil is bottomless....this moving along perfectly. I love the suspense, and the way bit by bit you are unraveling a gruesome tale. Edgar Allen, are you listening?
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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I doubt I would do as well as James if this happened to me. Glad you liked it and thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars.
Comment from moyramouse
I think it is hard for people who have never experienced an abusive relationship to fully appreciate the fear that keeps a woman in such a relationship. The brainwashing, the beatings, the way they take over the woman's life in every aspect. Mum has clearly had a very traumatic time with James' father and to learn that the grandfather killed his wife and baby daughter, plus had an incestuous relationship with his daughter has been a lot to take in. James' is now going to read the letters which mum rescued from the bin. What will he find out? Gripping episode. xxmouse
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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I think it is hard for people who have never experienced an abusive relationship to fully appreciate the fear that keeps a woman in such a relationship. The brainwashing, the beatings, the way they take over the woman's life in every aspect. Mum has clearly had a very traumatic time with James' father and to learn that the grandfather killed his wife and baby daughter, plus had an incestuous relationship with his daughter has been a lot to take in. James' is now going to read the letters which mum rescued from the bin. What will he find out? Gripping episode. xxmouse
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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He said he wanted to know everything, now he is getting his wish.
Comment from marcii
What a horrible life his father had, you can kind of understand why he is so messed up and a killer. Still he got out in the world, he could have been a much better person after realizing everything his father said was a lie.
Marcii
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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What a horrible life his father had, you can kind of understand why he is so messed up and a killer. Still he got out in the world, he could have been a much better person after realizing everything his father said was a lie.
Marcii
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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That is a very good point. We all make choices, Dad made the wrong ones. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Halfree
I printed this chapter so that I could really read it with a printed text in front of me. That works better for me. It is a weak five that I have posted. You seem to be in a hurry to tell the story. This is a complex story layered with emotions. I am having some problems with the transitions from paragraph to paragraph; not all but enough to cause some sense of unease.
The following are offered as "Perhaps"
First paragraph: Try: Not knowing what was waiting on the other side of the door, I hesitated. I quietly inserted the key into the lock, turned it and the door clicked open. Mom was sitting on the couch in a circle of light from the lamp on the table by her chair. I swallowed hard and asked, trying to sound normal, "Where is everybody." (suggestion only..paint a word picture of the scene.)
Mom had a cup of coffee cradled in her hand and she sat upright in the chair, feet close together, dress pressed and not a hair out of place as if captured in a Norman Rockwell painting of a prim and proper lady.
She sipped from the cup, placed it on the table next to her and said in a controlled voice, "I decided....." ( I know you have used Barbie attire.
I guess what I am saying is lead me into the conversation with word pictures.
When the mother tells the gut wrenching story, break up the narrative with some asides. Somebody walking down the hall outside and she stops as the voices fade away. Or perhaps she pauses and the sound of traffic passing on the street below can be heard. Maybe James gets up and walks about as she talks. Or the mother hesitates and he reaches over and takes her hand and she withdraws it and continues.
This good stuff you are writing, put a little more flesh on the bones of the story. Waiting with anticipation for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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I printed this chapter so that I could really read it with a printed text in front of me. That works better for me. It is a weak five that I have posted. You seem to be in a hurry to tell the story. This is a complex story layered with emotions. I am having some problems with the transitions from paragraph to paragraph; not all but enough to cause some sense of unease.
The following are offered as "Perhaps"
First paragraph: Try: Not knowing what was waiting on the other side of the door, I hesitated. I quietly inserted the key into the lock, turned it and the door clicked open. Mom was sitting on the couch in a circle of light from the lamp on the table by her chair. I swallowed hard and asked, trying to sound normal, "Where is everybody." (suggestion only..paint a word picture of the scene.)
Mom had a cup of coffee cradled in her hand and she sat upright in the chair, feet close together, dress pressed and not a hair out of place as if captured in a Norman Rockwell painting of a prim and proper lady.
She sipped from the cup, placed it on the table next to her and said in a controlled voice, "I decided....." ( I know you have used Barbie attire.
I guess what I am saying is lead me into the conversation with word pictures.
When the mother tells the gut wrenching story, break up the narrative with some asides. Somebody walking down the hall outside and she stops as the voices fade away. Or perhaps she pauses and the sound of traffic passing on the street below can be heard. Maybe James gets up and walks about as she talks. Or the mother hesitates and he reaches over and takes her hand and she withdraws it and continues.
This good stuff you are writing, put a little more flesh on the bones of the story. Waiting with anticipation for the next chapter.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much. I will go back over this and see what I can do to improve it. I like your suggestions.
Comment from MENNIPLOSS
CONGRATULATIONS A SUPERB CHAPTER OF A WONDERFUL WORK. YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY, VERY PRETTY WORK. EACH PAITULO IS EXTREMELY INTERESTING.
MENNIPLOSS
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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CONGRATULATIONS A SUPERB CHAPTER OF A WONDERFUL WORK. YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY, VERY PRETTY WORK. EACH PAITULO IS EXTREMELY INTERESTING.
MENNIPLOSS
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from Joan E.
Your "Mom the Robot" reference was a good reminder to reset the mood, and I liked your analogy about the "game of grab bag." This is a very powerful new chapter that fills in many details and the story Mom recounts is harrowing. The suspense you leaving us with regarding the letters is quite effective. Well done. -Joan
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Your "Mom the Robot" reference was a good reminder to reset the mood, and I liked your analogy about the "game of grab bag." This is a very powerful new chapter that fills in many details and the story Mom recounts is harrowing. The suspense you leaving us with regarding the letters is quite effective. Well done. -Joan
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you. This was a difficult chapter to write...so dark.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I didn't find it at all confusing...
a greatly detailed chapter which
was most informative and enjoyable...
I chuckled silently(,) realizing
my face into my hands - in my hands
sat up straight, (and,) with her delicate
Mary Louise, was the letter
Mary Louise. Was the.....
and no one every saw
...........ever saw
Apparently(,) convinced he
thought she she died when
thought she had died when
Thanks for this, my favourite author.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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I didn't find it at all confusing...
a greatly detailed chapter which
was most informative and enjoyable...
I chuckled silently(,) realizing
my face into my hands - in my hands
sat up straight, (and,) with her delicate
Mary Louise, was the letter
Mary Louise. Was the.....
and no one every saw
...........ever saw
Apparently(,) convinced he
thought she she died when
thought she had died when
Thanks for this, my favourite author.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much for finding the spags. I am pleased you enjoyed this very dark chapter.
Comment from Tellis
In raged, (Inraged or In rage) he struck me across the face with a closed fist Either way fits this sentence. I enjoyed another terrific chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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In raged, (Inraged or In rage) he struck me across the face with a closed fist Either way fits this sentence. I enjoyed another terrific chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks. I am pleased you are enjoying this one.