Living Through Bruises
a modified Octogram17 total reviews
Comment from jerrymckeon
I would like to rate your bio as a "6" - your poem, a little dark for me, is escaping my imagination. I cannot make any recommendations regarding structure as it would be unfair. I do applaud your ranking and look forward to reading some of your other work. Cheers! Jerry
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
  |
I would like to rate your bio as a "6" - your poem, a little dark for me, is escaping my imagination. I cannot make any recommendations regarding structure as it would be unfair. I do applaud your ranking and look forward to reading some of your other work. Cheers! Jerry
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you, Jerry, for reviewing and commenting even though it's not your usual cup of tea. I really appreciate it.
Mike
Comment from Gungalo
Awesome Mike!!! Welcome to the Dark Club!!! This dark write has earned you a lifetime membership in the Dark Club tonight!!
It is really dark too, poet. A tampered with (LOL) Octogram but a fine piece of poetry of the dark side. I love the imagery here that you show so well with words such as this:
what wounds unbled
exist for me to split anew
with blackest filthy blades I drew
Ahhhsome done indeed. Good luck in the challenge for the Dark Club crown!!!
Ahhhsome done indeed. Good luck in the challenge for the Dark Club crown!!! Your name will be added to my original write But They're Never Naked along with your poem title so others can go and review it!!!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Awesome Mike!!! Welcome to the Dark Club!!! This dark write has earned you a lifetime membership in the Dark Club tonight!!
It is really dark too, poet. A tampered with (LOL) Octogram but a fine piece of poetry of the dark side. I love the imagery here that you show so well with words such as this:
what wounds unbled
exist for me to split anew
with blackest filthy blades I drew
Ahhhsome done indeed. Good luck in the challenge for the Dark Club crown!!!
Ahhhsome done indeed. Good luck in the challenge for the Dark Club crown!!! Your name will be added to my original write But They're Never Naked along with your poem title so others can go and review it!!!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you :-). Admittedly, I don't need much of an excuse to write a dark one, but it still felt good to be given a reason. I thought I'd go for emotional bleakness rather than horrific unpleasantness, at least for this one!
I've pasted the poems from your post into mine too - let's see if we can spread the word.
Mike
Comment from swosugrad09
Nice selection of artwork. I enjoyed this read, so real and vivid. Your descriptions began mysteriously and then opened up. Well written piece!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Nice selection of artwork. I enjoyed this read, so real and vivid. Your descriptions began mysteriously and then opened up. Well written piece!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from mumsyone
Good poem, but nearly everything I've been reviewing today is on the dark side, mostly at Gungalo's urging. I'll be glad when she moves on to something a little lighter and brighter.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Good poem, but nearly everything I've been reviewing today is on the dark side, mostly at Gungalo's urging. I'll be glad when she moves on to something a little lighter and brighter.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you, Mumsy. Yeah, I can see that would get wearing, but it's only a matter of time before something hopelessly romantic pops from my pen, and I'm sure others will be the same :-)
Mike
-
Thanks for your encouragement. I'll be waiting.
Comment from adewpearl
Mike, I like that you've taken the syllable count/structure of the octogram but you have not used its rhyme scheme or its use of refrain line.
You have enough of the octogram form to give it that distinctive sound but then you do your own freewheeling thing with it :-)
Excellent use of alliteration and good word choices that create and sustain mood well. Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Mike, I like that you've taken the syllable count/structure of the octogram but you have not used its rhyme scheme or its use of refrain line.
You have enough of the octogram form to give it that distinctive sound but then you do your own freewheeling thing with it :-)
Excellent use of alliteration and good word choices that create and sustain mood well. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
I love that acceleration you get to the end of each stanza in the octogram, but I sometimes find the rhymw scheme and repetition a bit constrictive for my liking, so this felt like a good compromise. I'm so glad you enjoyed this, Brooke :-). As you know, I don't need much excuse to write a dark one, so this was a welcome nudge.
Mike
Comment from MaryLinda
This poem speaks of great hurt and anguish, which is locked deep within. You have terrific imagery and, along with wonderful rhythme and rhyme, make the words of the poem flow so well. MaryLinda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
This poem speaks of great hurt and anguish, which is locked deep within. You have terrific imagery and, along with wonderful rhythme and rhyme, make the words of the poem flow so well. MaryLinda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you, MaryLinda :-). I was determined to write something emotionally dark as opposed to violent, and this was the result.
Mike
Comment from chita
You have a good flow with your poem and good imagery-you are descriptive and write with emotion-you write of self destruction of yourself making bruises on yourself--I like where you write-(Without a flame to focus life-my death will do)-you really have a written a thriller well--great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
You have a good flow with your poem and good imagery-you are descriptive and write with emotion-you write of self destruction of yourself making bruises on yourself--I like where you write-(Without a flame to focus life-my death will do)-you really have a written a thriller well--great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you, Chita :-). You've read into the core of it perfectly, seeing the self-loathing that arises from loss and hate.
Mike