Reflections For The New Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Light Foreseen"21 total reviews
Comment from Lpspider
Hey! This is the type of peotry I like! Great job here, style and flow in particular. would strongly reocmmend. no critism whatsoever. keep it up! lpspider.
  |
Hey! This is the type of peotry I like! Great job here, style and flow in particular. would strongly reocmmend. no critism whatsoever. keep it up! lpspider.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2004
Comment from Cloaked Writer
Dear Author,
The Light Foreseen is a poem which the author tells the reader about imagining a dazzling display of light in the end of a tunnel while she stands on the opposite direction, how she desires to reach the light, strives to in her sleep but which fails; then you wrestle with the dark visions which bound you, and finally you win the battle, and have a clear picture of what lies ahead. You have escaped the chains of misery which kept you tied up.
The Masked Writer
|
Dear Author,
The Light Foreseen is a poem which the author tells the reader about imagining a dazzling display of light in the end of a tunnel while she stands on the opposite direction, how she desires to reach the light, strives to in her sleep but which fails; then you wrestle with the dark visions which bound you, and finally you win the battle, and have a clear picture of what lies ahead. You have escaped the chains of misery which kept you tied up.
The Masked Writer
Comment Written 05-Nov-2004
Comment from wintersknights
this work is nice but the problem now is that there needs to be some trimming of the words. I know this is freestyle without any set rules of rhythm. However the thought patterns and words do have a natural rhythm of its own but this seems so jaded.
wk
 |
this work is nice but the problem now is that there needs to be some trimming of the words. I know this is freestyle without any set rules of rhythm. However the thought patterns and words do have a natural rhythm of its own but this seems so jaded.
wk
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from zwriter
Lovely picture and a good, positive poem, Jewell!
I like the way your spirit rose up against the darkness. Good ending, too.
It feels a bit vague to me, and I'd like to see some more specific words used to express the challenge, the darkness.
For instance:
"Circumstances prevent"
Could you use a concrete image to embody the circumstances? Maybe
"Thread of memory"
or
"Chains of sorrow"
Just thinking and throwing out ideas.
All in all, a positive look at one of life's tough times. Thank you.
z
|
Lovely picture and a good, positive poem, Jewell!
I like the way your spirit rose up against the darkness. Good ending, too.
It feels a bit vague to me, and I'd like to see some more specific words used to express the challenge, the darkness.
For instance:
"Circumstances prevent"
Could you use a concrete image to embody the circumstances? Maybe
"Thread of memory"
or
"Chains of sorrow"
Just thinking and throwing out ideas.
All in all, a positive look at one of life's tough times. Thank you.
z
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from Wendie
Another good one. I would only suggest that you add more to this. I think it is a topic too many write about. Give it the personal flare you are so good at. Great imagery. Wendie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Another good one. I would only suggest that you add more to this. I think it is a topic too many write about. Give it the personal flare you are so good at. Great imagery. Wendie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from horsemomma
Nice choice in your art selection; it complements this writing well. You have ideally and poetically described depression and how, in this instance, it was overcome. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Horsemomma
|
Nice choice in your art selection; it complements this writing well. You have ideally and poetically described depression and how, in this instance, it was overcome. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Horsemomma
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from Freeway29
Its good but I thought the flow was just off a little in some spots. I think it would with minor adjustments be great as the imagery you describe is wonderful.
|
Its good but I thought the flow was just off a little in some spots. I think it would with minor adjustments be great as the imagery you describe is wonderful.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
And we shall move ahead one baby step at a time. I think you are going to reach that light just a tad quicker then I will be I'll meet you and the end of that tunnel. Excellent freeverse with a wonderful message inside of it. Just one thing
Looking toward it?s brightness (its doesn't need that apostrophe, I saw that in a couple of lines.)
Great work, my friend. :0)
|
And we shall move ahead one baby step at a time. I think you are going to reach that light just a tad quicker then I will be I'll meet you and the end of that tunnel. Excellent freeverse with a wonderful message inside of it. Just one thing
Looking toward it?s brightness (its doesn't need that apostrophe, I saw that in a couple of lines.)
Great work, my friend. :0)
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from billk
i liked alot of this poem. i would replace the first two lines, because this poem is too good to start out with such a cliche. who is this spirit man? who is he victoriouse over?
|
i liked alot of this poem. i would replace the first two lines, because this poem is too good to start out with such a cliche. who is this spirit man? who is he victoriouse over?
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
Comment from cozzzy
Wonderfully done, Jewell. In the darkness, depressed, besieged by despair, unable to function. Then, your inner spirit, your strength came forth and drove through that cloud , or tunnel and brought you back out to the light. I think it was wonderfully symbolic, and well written!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Wonderfully done, Jewell. In the darkness, depressed, besieged by despair, unable to function. Then, your inner spirit, your strength came forth and drove through that cloud , or tunnel and brought you back out to the light. I think it was wonderfully symbolic, and well written!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2004
