The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Moment of Reflection"A family learns their father is a serial killer
30 total reviews
Comment from lola29
Sasha, sorry I'm late in reading this chapter, but it's been a very busy couple of days. You really nailed it in this one. I deeply felt the emotions between James and his mom--heartbreaking to say the least. The pain is so intense that it takes your readers a little while to get out of the scene. This would make for an Oscar winning movie.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Sasha, sorry I'm late in reading this chapter, but it's been a very busy couple of days. You really nailed it in this one. I deeply felt the emotions between James and his mom--heartbreaking to say the least. The pain is so intense that it takes your readers a little while to get out of the scene. This would make for an Oscar winning movie.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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I'll be lucky if I get this publish....but I wouldn't say no to a movie!!!! Glad you liked this one.
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Sasha, people like movies that move them emotionally, and your story does just that.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Great chapter.
Very powerful.
Very moving.
Interesting.
Good descriptions.
Nice way to end it.
Must be horrible to live through something like this.
Feels very real.
Katie
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Great chapter.
Very powerful.
Very moving.
Interesting.
Good descriptions.
Nice way to end it.
Must be horrible to live through something like this.
Feels very real.
Katie
Comment Written 16-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much for continuing to follow this story. I am very pleased you liked this chapter.
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You're welcome.
Katie
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
Well, the earlier chapters rolled along at a satisfying pace with a thrilling tale to tell. In this one you have put flesh on the bones. The emotional impact, the effect of all this on the family is beautifully portrayed. They are becoming real people.
A wonderful achievement.
Ron
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Hi Smurphy
Well, the earlier chapters rolled along at a satisfying pace with a thrilling tale to tell. In this one you have put flesh on the bones. The emotional impact, the effect of all this on the family is beautifully portrayed. They are becoming real people.
A wonderful achievement.
Ron
Comment Written 16-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Thank for your much appreciated kind words. I sincerely appreciate you continuing to follow this story.
Comment from LadyNyx
Another great, emotional filled chapter that takes us deeper into the mind set of the family. I can't help but wonder if there is going to be a twist or soemthing...can't wait to find out either. Good job!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Another great, emotional filled chapter that takes us deeper into the mind set of the family. I can't help but wonder if there is going to be a twist or soemthing...can't wait to find out either. Good job!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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I have made numerous changes to the original story. Some small, some large, and have definitely added a few twists that hopefully make this more exciting and tense. That's why I decided to stop with the original and do a re-write. I am so glad you like it so far.
Comment from Readywriter52
I thought this chapter expressed James and his family's grief well. It has torn them from their feeling of normalcy. It's beyond their understanding on why their father could commit such heinous deeds.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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I thought this chapter expressed James and his family's grief well. It has torn them from their feeling of normalcy. It's beyond their understanding on why their father could commit such heinous deeds.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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I found this a difficult chapter to write. I had to close my eyes and focus my thoughts on the one person in my life I would never suspect of doing something like this and then try to express what I would feel being told they were a killer. Hardest thing I've ever done. Glad I was able to convey that in this chapter. Thanks for the great review, I sincerely appreciate it.
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I found this a difficult chapter to write. I had to close my eyes and focus my thoughts on the one person in my life I would never suspect of doing something like this and then try to express what I would feel being told they were a killer. Hardest thing I've ever done. Glad I was able to convey that in this chapter. Thanks for the great review, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from words
This is such a tragic moment ... no matter what James does, he and his family are his father's victims.
You paint such a convincing portrait of how the family of a criminal suffers.
You have such wonderful insight here.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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This is such a tragic moment ... no matter what James does, he and his family are his father's victims.
You paint such a convincing portrait of how the family of a criminal suffers.
You have such wonderful insight here.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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As I have said before, I come from a very dysfunctional family which has provided me with plenty of real-life insanity to work with. Glad you find this realistic.
Comment from marcellawachtel
I guess this is where the heart-rending part begins in earnest; this is a difficult chapter to read. As always your turn of phrase is excellent
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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I guess this is where the heart-rending part begins in earnest; this is a difficult chapter to read. As always your turn of phrase is excellent
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2011
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Yes, sadly it is just the beginning. Glad you find this interesting.
Comment from whitteron
S
This is a profound chapter that reveals the depth behind the intellect in your main character,James. This is a wonderful story line, and I know how much work putting these chapters together is, so I hope you don't take this the wrong way. In my humble opinion, you need to do a clean sweep of the little words. The geniuses I know are precsise wordsmith's. Let me be so bold as to give you a few examples:
I laughed. Today would always be the worst day of my life.
When Mr. Hurley left, we stood staring at each other.
Charlie and I walked to the couch, in silence, wrapped
our arms around mom and susan
the soft humming of gentle sobs floated above the ball of intertwined arms grasping, desperately, for something--anything to hold on to.
I sense you want to show his vulnerability, but I don't think you can change his character....
These are just my thoughts...it's your book, and these
are our peeps, so I don't mark down for this kind of input.
You're a talented writer without my help, but personally, I like specific input...so there ya go. Cheers.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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S
This is a profound chapter that reveals the depth behind the intellect in your main character,James. This is a wonderful story line, and I know how much work putting these chapters together is, so I hope you don't take this the wrong way. In my humble opinion, you need to do a clean sweep of the little words. The geniuses I know are precsise wordsmith's. Let me be so bold as to give you a few examples:
I laughed. Today would always be the worst day of my life.
When Mr. Hurley left, we stood staring at each other.
Charlie and I walked to the couch, in silence, wrapped
our arms around mom and susan
the soft humming of gentle sobs floated above the ball of intertwined arms grasping, desperately, for something--anything to hold on to.
I sense you want to show his vulnerability, but I don't think you can change his character....
These are just my thoughts...it's your book, and these
are our peeps, so I don't mark down for this kind of input.
You're a talented writer without my help, but personally, I like specific input...so there ya go. Cheers.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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You make a very good point. I will go back over to see how I can do exactly what you say is true. I know several geniuses and they are VERY precise in how they communicate...sometime annoyingly so. I never mind constructive and helpful advise, I am always eager to get input.
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Cool. If you would like a re-read, it's my pleasure. And ditto, when you see something you think I can do better, please say so.
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I am going to print out what I've written so far and go off to La Tramoya and hopefully find areas I can improve on. I'll let you know when I'm done.
Comment from Tillom Gliss
The author has developed these characters so well that the reader now feels as if she knows them and therefore is invested in them...as I read I thought this was what it would be like to be that proverbial fly on the wall or the spirit of Christmas Present! LOL! Every detail shared adds to the whole of the story; the particular style (I don't have a word for it yet) that the writer uses fills the pages with a rich depth that is providing this write with a pulse. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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The author has developed these characters so well that the reader now feels as if she knows them and therefore is invested in them...as I read I thought this was what it would be like to be that proverbial fly on the wall or the spirit of Christmas Present! LOL! Every detail shared adds to the whole of the story; the particular style (I don't have a word for it yet) that the writer uses fills the pages with a rich depth that is providing this write with a pulse. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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Thank you so very much for the awesome compliment. James and his family have been a pet project in my mind for several years so I actually think of them as real people I know when I write about them. I sincerely appreciate your generous review.
Comment from Belinda
Hi Sasha, I like the episode where the four of them curl like a ball. I have a feeling you've made the family more real in this new version. Mom, especially, stands out. Not to mention James' inner struggle. And I'm relieved when James finally can cry his tears. Fabulous chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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Hi Sasha, I like the episode where the four of them curl like a ball. I have a feeling you've made the family more real in this new version. Mom, especially, stands out. Not to mention James' inner struggle. And I'm relieved when James finally can cry his tears. Fabulous chapter.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
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|Thanks you so much. I am thrilled you like the changes I've made. Yes, I wanted to make the family more real and hopefully the reader care more about them.