The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Evidence"A family learns their father is a serial killer
39 total reviews
Comment from Tillom Gliss
I do not know the last time that I have read or seen anything that has awakened every cell in my body...I literally can see clearer as (I'm guessing) the blood must be flowing faster as the adrenaline is being pumped through my entire body.
I realize that this is, nor have my previous reviews, not a review of your grammatical or writing skills...but I think it must be the highest compliment to pay a writer to say that I was so intrigued that all else fell away. Your words, your story, has weaved its way into my heart and I am pulling for all of them!
That's a gift! To be able to enthral the reader, particularly one that is accustomed to looking for pros and cons, so much so that the rest of the world falls away, that's a gift!
I am disappointed only that I checked before reading this chapter that there is not another waiting.
Honest. This...this is fantastic!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I do not know the last time that I have read or seen anything that has awakened every cell in my body...I literally can see clearer as (I'm guessing) the blood must be flowing faster as the adrenaline is being pumped through my entire body.
I realize that this is, nor have my previous reviews, not a review of your grammatical or writing skills...but I think it must be the highest compliment to pay a writer to say that I was so intrigued that all else fell away. Your words, your story, has weaved its way into my heart and I am pulling for all of them!
That's a gift! To be able to enthral the reader, particularly one that is accustomed to looking for pros and cons, so much so that the rest of the world falls away, that's a gift!
I am disappointed only that I checked before reading this chapter that there is not another waiting.
Honest. This...this is fantastic!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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That is definitely a wonderful compliment. I am just thrilled you found this so compelling. I hope to post another chapter tomorrow.
Comment from fictionwriter
Another great chapter in this story. this seems to be more emotional that it was before, which is a great thing. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Another great chapter in this story. this seems to be more emotional that it was before, which is a great thing. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much for the positive review. That is what I was hoping for. I am thrilled you are still enjoying this.
Comment from lola29
OMG! Sasha, this chapter is so intense. I think if I were at that table listening to the detective, I would just want him to kill me.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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OMG! Sasha, this chapter is so intense. I think if I were at that table listening to the detective, I would just want him to kill me.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I am just thrilled you found this chapter so intense. Thanks for the great review.
Comment from Aski
Good progression in your story, particularly about how the family members are reacting. Good cautioning from the lawyer about their public behavior too. The evidence leaves little doubt that the father is guilty even though he pleaded not guilty. An interesting twist is there is information that the father does not want revealed to his family. That keeps the reader wondering and wanting more. The future family dynamics appears as if it wasn't be a key source of tension now.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Good progression in your story, particularly about how the family members are reacting. Good cautioning from the lawyer about their public behavior too. The evidence leaves little doubt that the father is guilty even though he pleaded not guilty. An interesting twist is there is information that the father does not want revealed to his family. That keeps the reader wondering and wanting more. The future family dynamics appears as if it wasn't be a key source of tension now.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I am pleased you liked this chapter. Yes, tension has eased for the moment. With so much evidence it is pretty much impossible for the family to ignore the truth.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapter five in The Crack in the Mirror is superbly written. I could feel the emotional turmoil of the family including James. He's getting the blame for turning in their murderous father, but he did the right thing. Your dialogue is excellent and your narrative is great. You did a marvelous job using actual terms such as Kill Kit. I have a degree in criminal justice. I took a class about serial killers, spree killers etc and the serial killer is generally a male between the ages of 20 and 50, has a family or girlfriend, a dark side their loved ones didn't see and they are convincingly cunning in deception and subterfuge. Your doing an outstanding job re-writing this, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Sasha,
chapter five in The Crack in the Mirror is superbly written. I could feel the emotional turmoil of the family including James. He's getting the blame for turning in their murderous father, but he did the right thing. Your dialogue is excellent and your narrative is great. You did a marvelous job using actual terms such as Kill Kit. I have a degree in criminal justice. I took a class about serial killers, spree killers etc and the serial killer is generally a male between the ages of 20 and 50, has a family or girlfriend, a dark side their loved ones didn't see and they are convincingly cunning in deception and subterfuge. Your doing an outstanding job re-writing this, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I am thrilled you liked this chapter. You are right, their family and friends are always the last to know.
Comment from RKagan
I wish I had a six, you deserve one. I cannot imagine how James must feel. It must have been hard to turn his own father in, but then again what other choice was there. Now he sees the sadness that it is causing the rest of his family and I'm sure there must be some guilt about their pain. It is also a difficult thing to realize that your own father is capable of such henious acts and then of course to know that you share his genes. great read cant wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I wish I had a six, you deserve one. I cannot imagine how James must feel. It must have been hard to turn his own father in, but then again what other choice was there. Now he sees the sadness that it is causing the rest of his family and I'm sure there must be some guilt about their pain. It is also a difficult thing to realize that your own father is capable of such henious acts and then of course to know that you share his genes. great read cant wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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I am very pleased you enjoy (probably not the right word) this. My heart goes out to any family has to deal with something so horrific.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is a superb chapter, Sasha - and if I had
a six, it would be yours. You certainly have talent,
my friend.
or (to) the world for that matter,
Here you say - my mouth, sat back down,-
but nowhere did I notice you say "sprung to my feet" or suchlike when he thumped the table. If this is so, you need to add that in, Sasha.
Margaret
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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This is a superb chapter, Sasha - and if I had
a six, it would be yours. You certainly have talent,
my friend.
or (to) the world for that matter,
Here you say - my mouth, sat back down,-
but nowhere did I notice you say "sprung to my feet" or suchlike when he thumped the table. If this is so, you need to add that in, Sasha.
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the inconsistency in that sentence. I am thrilled you find this so interesting.
Comment from Daylok
Good Flow, kept my interest through out the read. From a readers stand point Good job and I see no major changes needed-Daylok
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Good Flow, kept my interest through out the read. From a readers stand point Good job and I see no major changes needed-Daylok
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thank you. I am pleased you enjoyed this.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great chapter for your book and i like the straight talk the detective gave the family, the emotions ring true. i was watching an episode of Selling New York today and it looked like one of your paintings on the wall of one apartment. it looked like your style
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great chapter for your book and i like the straight talk the detective gave the family, the emotions ring true. i was watching an episode of Selling New York today and it looked like one of your paintings on the wall of one apartment. it looked like your style
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thanks I a very pleased you liked this chapter. I like the idea of one of my paintings on a wall in New York...maybe someday.
Comment from Alaskastory
'The Evidence' chapter reads very well. The attorney's delivery is good with just enough hesitation and you sure do let us know how each family member reacts to hearing all the devastating evidence.
In Author notes shouldn't it be Mac the detective, not Mad: 'He reluctantly becomes friends with Mad,'
All looks perfect in this chapter. Super job, Sasha.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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'The Evidence' chapter reads very well. The attorney's delivery is good with just enough hesitation and you sure do let us know how each family member reacts to hearing all the devastating evidence.
In Author notes shouldn't it be Mac the detective, not Mad: 'He reluctantly becomes friends with Mad,'
All looks perfect in this chapter. Super job, Sasha.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much. I am so pleased you liked this.
