Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Plot Thickens"One Man's Return From Hell
18 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
Politics has an unwritten law, never arrest anyone in your own party. It best to blame someone in the other party. This is very well written with very good imagery.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Politics has an unwritten law, never arrest anyone in your own party. It best to blame someone in the other party. This is very well written with very good imagery.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks Charlie - sounds like sound law to me!
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from ethveg
I'm already involved and want to see what's next.
Obviously there's a lot of plot still unrevealed. But Dax seems to be forming hypotheses.
And your presentation of the sheriff was smooth enough that I already dislike him.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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I'm already involved and want to see what's next.
Obviously there's a lot of plot still unrevealed. But Dax seems to be forming hypotheses.
And your presentation of the sheriff was smooth enough that I already dislike him.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your insight. You'll later find that the Sheriff has some troubles.
Comment from marym224
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, bhogg. You've obviously got the ability to draw a reader into the action and 'turn the page' quickly. I have not attempted murder mystery or detective narrative myself, but have wondered how difficult it would be to keep track of characters, clues and criminals. LOL. Do you work to a plot, plan, or does the story just develop itself?
Your narrative flows well, and dialoge makes the characters credible. Good phrases in there, too. e.g. "grab you by the throat and shake you like a rag doll" and"meth, speed, crank, chalk, cristy whatever they are calling it these days." Displays the frustration beautifully.
Good one - looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, bhogg. You've obviously got the ability to draw a reader into the action and 'turn the page' quickly. I have not attempted murder mystery or detective narrative myself, but have wondered how difficult it would be to keep track of characters, clues and criminals. LOL. Do you work to a plot, plan, or does the story just develop itself?
Your narrative flows well, and dialoge makes the characters credible. Good phrases in there, too. e.g. "grab you by the throat and shake you like a rag doll" and"meth, speed, crank, chalk, cristy whatever they are calling it these days." Displays the frustration beautifully.
Good one - looking forward to more.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Mary - thank you very much! This is a first attempt for me as well at a "book". I wrote Chapter 1 as a contest entry on FS, and then had so many people ask for more, I took a shot.
Right or wrong, what I've done is an outline of the whole book and a list of characters. From at least a broad brush approach, I know where I'm going, but lots develops in your head from chapter to chapter. Regards, Bill
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Keep it going, Bill. Good luck!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I like this plot and the character are strong and quite humorous.
but when the Sheriff mentioned that there were only your mom and yourself (you don't the the 'that' it's an extra word)
we keep the studio you will be staying in, primarily for my Dad. (lower case 'd' on dad because of the 'my')
"What do you and your Mom do for a living?" (lower case 'm' on mom because of the your)
Stanley hesitated before answering. " (comma after answering and you have an extra space before the quoation mark)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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I like this plot and the character are strong and quite humorous.
but when the Sheriff mentioned that there were only your mom and yourself (you don't the the 'that' it's an extra word)
we keep the studio you will be staying in, primarily for my Dad. (lower case 'd' on dad because of the 'my')
"What do you and your Mom do for a living?" (lower case 'm' on mom because of the your)
Stanley hesitated before answering. " (comma after answering and you have an extra space before the quoation mark)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks Barbara. It is almost embarrassing knowing how many times I do a self edit, even on hard copy, and still make bonehead mistakes!
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It happens to me too. Don't sweat it. That's what friends are for.
Comment from Kelly Shackelford
I really liked this fast paced story. I love the names!!! This pulled me right in and left me wanting more. hope you finish it:>
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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I really liked this fast paced story. I love the names!!! This pulled me right in and left me wanting more. hope you finish it:>
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks Kelly - hope I finish it too! I've prepared an outline for the entire book, so am in the process of filling in the blanks. I very much appreciate your kind remarks!
Comment from anabelle
Really good chapter, Bill. So it looks like the attack really concerns Lael's mom writing about the drug problem in the town and area.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Really good chapter, Bill. So it looks like the attack really concerns Lael's mom writing about the drug problem in the town and area.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thanks for reading Anabelle. I really appreciate your reading the story and for your kind comments.
Comment from keimosobie
I love a good murder mystery. Very interesting writing you sucked me right in. Ill have to go back to the beginning and catch up. Thanks for sharing your work. I didn't see any errors.
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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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I love a good murder mystery. Very interesting writing you sucked me right in. Ill have to go back to the beginning and catch up. Thanks for sharing your work. I didn't see any errors.
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Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Thank you very much! If you really wanted to catch up, Chapter 1 is a real introduction and chapter 2, which is primarily a narrative chapter tells you a bit about Dax. Regards, Bill
Comment from Writeaway...
This is turning into a really interesting crime novel bhogg, excellent job, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, youleft me wondering what's going to happen next, keep writing!! :)
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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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This is turning into a really interesting crime novel bhogg, excellent job, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, youleft me wondering what's going to happen next, keep writing!! :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Hi Jake - Always important to put the hook out. Now up to me to set it! Regards, Bill