Comment from mmmichelle34

Excellent

That is a very nice writing you have a way of keeping the reader interested all the way to the end.
The way it was written you could almost see a story in you mind and always that's a good thing to look for.
Great work I enjoyed it.

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010

Thank you very much. Your review brings a smile to my face :)

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Talk about having the good Samaritan getting in trouble for helping out - no wonder so many people don't want to "get involved." Excellent dialogue and fascinating discussion of police investigative procedures - it's clear and easy to understand, and you keep it part of the story so it doesn't get too dry/technical to slow things down. Brooke

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010

Brooke - you are most kind. Thanks for reading and for your ongoing support of things I write. Very warm regards, Bill

Comment from RazberryBullet

Excellent

Interesting!--I would guess that this was an automatic. If it were a revolver, the pattern would have been more wide spread." Hm!

suggestion: What he first did was to visually /exam>examine/ our hands for gunpowder.

I think the sheriff's going to get chewed out about arresting Dax ;p

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010

Yep - you are rigt again. No probably cause, no gunpowder residue and also has an alibi. Never trust a Southern sheriff - they're like Arab camel drivers.

reply by RazberryBullet on 31-Aug-2010

LOL!!! I'll be sure to keep this in mind-- Never trust a Southern sheriff - they're like Arab camel drivers. ;p

Cheers,
Ras

Comment from gramalot8

Excellent

Bhogg, very nice, well written chapter. I love the dialog and interaction you have between your characters. You have a way with your description that takes your readers into this word in a very believable manner. Good job.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010

Thank you very much. Your review brings a smile to my face :)

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I was a huge Andy Griffith fan. I won't miss it for anything and still enjoy the reruns. Your post is fun to read and I am enjoying the story.

"Your friend Jimmy is a little beyond Barney Fife. (comma after friend)

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Barbara - thank you very much for reading. My wife and I actually went to Mayberry this year (actually Mount Airy, NC). It was a hoot. I'll make that correction and I always appreciate your helpful feedback. Warm regards, Bill

reply by barbara.wilkey on 30-Aug-2010

That would be so much fun. When we were stationed in SC I wish we would have made the trip. We spent too much in Ashland and Myrtle Beach on vacation.

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

My wife and I are starting to make an effort to taking long weekends. Our preference are B&B's. Someday I'll write a story about some of them. I suppose they are like a box of chocalate - you never know what you're going to get. Oops, Sylvester Croom has already used that analogy. The one at Mt. Airy was a blast. Elvis ain't dead - he is serving breakfast at a B&B in Mt. Airy.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 30-Aug-2010

I am sure he is. I love Savanah, GA. Have you done a B&B there. We stayed in a hotel, but I bet a B&B would be great. I have to get rid of one last child before we can do long weekends

reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010

Get rid of one last child? Sounds like a murder mystery.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 31-Aug-2010

I think you have something there, but he's bigger than me.

Comment from RebelRose

Excellent

Obviously, someone got to those men between the time Connor left them and the time the cops got to them. That's the way it appears to me. This story is getting very interesting. I just found the one nit.
["] Alright Dax ...opening quotation marks left off here

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Thank you Patty - first for reading and then the spot. Very much appreciate them both! Regards, Bill

Comment from anabelle

Excellent

Why is he arresting Connor? Kind of strange, isn't it? He's obviously forgetting the bullet holes. Or is he just such a 'typical' sheriff he's not willing to listen to anything?

Thanks for the good read.

Regards, anabelle

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Hi Anabelle - I promise to answer your questions in the next post. Sneaky hunh?

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Nothing like have a stubborn, hard-headed fool in a position of authority. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme.

Errors:

He walked back to the front of the car and laid the case on the trunk. (hood)

The stopper had 3(three) segments.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Hi Charlie - I corrected the hood, but good spot on the 3. I'm always glad when you stop by. Regards, Bill

reply by c_lucas on 30-Aug-2010

You're welcome, Bill. Charlie

Comment from InHisownwrite

Excellent

Wow... Again that was an ending I wasn't ready for.....
You had my interest all the way through....
I even enjoyed learning some CSI stuff....
But, now you got me thinking (again)....
What's next? Good for you..... It's mysteriously tantalizing.... Bryan

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Thanks for reading and following the story. Of course, the murder thing is going to be a slam dunk against. Your comments are always appreciated. Regards, Bill

Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran

Excellent

Thanks for sharing this script with me.I enjoyed the flow of the story and the imagery. The characters were true to life.It needs no editing.I liked the flow of the acript.

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010

Thanks for reading and for your kind and generous review.