My First snow
Sweet childhood memory38 total reviews
Comment from ladybird
An enchanting read. I felt as if I was there, and watching this magical scene unfolding before my eyes.
This line conveys all the longing of a small child.
Oh, how I wanted to see the orange fairy and the first blue snow of winter.
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An enchanting read. I felt as if I was there, and watching this magical scene unfolding before my eyes.
This line conveys all the longing of a small child.
Oh, how I wanted to see the orange fairy and the first blue snow of winter.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
Comment from sopranodebs
What a beautiful piece. If I wanted to change anything it would only be where you write "And there she is, standing and shivering in the cold room--", I wonder if instead of "the room", maybe "this room". I feel it would bring a stronger relationship from the readers perspective into the coldness of the room, using "this" instead of "the" makes it more intimate. I just think for me as a reader it would have a stronger pull and draw me into sharing the coolness with the fairy and the child. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece, I did enjoy it.
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What a beautiful piece. If I wanted to change anything it would only be where you write "And there she is, standing and shivering in the cold room--", I wonder if instead of "the room", maybe "this room". I feel it would bring a stronger relationship from the readers perspective into the coldness of the room, using "this" instead of "the" makes it more intimate. I just think for me as a reader it would have a stronger pull and draw me into sharing the coolness with the fairy and the child. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece, I did enjoy it.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
Comment from wierdgrace
What a wonderful story for this contest, this characters, and the diologue words so perfect, I find no errors and hope you get many votes, as it is perfect, glad I checked out the voting booth.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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What a wonderful story for this contest, this characters, and the diologue words so perfect, I find no errors and hope you get many votes, as it is perfect, glad I checked out the voting booth.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you so much weirdgrace....your support is more than appreciated
Comment from Soledadpaz
This is a beautiful fairy tale. A fantasy seen from a child's eyes. And who can say that what they see does not really exist? Very interesting story idea.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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This is a beautiful fairy tale. A fantasy seen from a child's eyes. And who can say that what they see does not really exist? Very interesting story idea.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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anything we imagine can be real, right ? Thanks so much for reading and commenting
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
Your story is well written in the writing prompt to write through the eyes of a child. Excellent narrative , great imagery and very good descriptive writing. Here are some examples of your descriptive writing:
And there she is, standing and shivering in the cold room--a tiny orange fairy looking up at me. She giggles and flies around the room like a bumblebee. I follow her with my eyes, sometimes seeing her clearly; other times feeling only the air move gently above me to mark her passage. On the windowsill, she lands on the edge of my abandoned cup of milk.
I get up and approach the window. The floor is cold as I pad across it with bare feet. Once decorating the window, the white ice flowers are gone--the window is clean and clear. I hear buzzing from the air around me...the sky is very white and freckled with blue sparkles. The fairy lands in my open palm with translucent wings buzzing like a dragonfly. More and more glowing flakes fill the air.
Mom takes my little hand and walks to the window to see the snow covered yard. She does not know--but I know everything. She does not know that I talked to the orange fairy and that I saw how the season's first snow started.
The house smells like marmalade. Mom gathered the oranges from the top of my dresser, sliced them and simmered their flesh in a big pot until the house smells like a fairy tale.
Delightful and magical true story about a child experiencing their first snow. Good luck in the voting booth. Impressive writing.
Missy.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Writer,
Your story is well written in the writing prompt to write through the eyes of a child. Excellent narrative , great imagery and very good descriptive writing. Here are some examples of your descriptive writing:
And there she is, standing and shivering in the cold room--a tiny orange fairy looking up at me. She giggles and flies around the room like a bumblebee. I follow her with my eyes, sometimes seeing her clearly; other times feeling only the air move gently above me to mark her passage. On the windowsill, she lands on the edge of my abandoned cup of milk.
I get up and approach the window. The floor is cold as I pad across it with bare feet. Once decorating the window, the white ice flowers are gone--the window is clean and clear. I hear buzzing from the air around me...the sky is very white and freckled with blue sparkles. The fairy lands in my open palm with translucent wings buzzing like a dragonfly. More and more glowing flakes fill the air.
Mom takes my little hand and walks to the window to see the snow covered yard. She does not know--but I know everything. She does not know that I talked to the orange fairy and that I saw how the season's first snow started.
The house smells like marmalade. Mom gathered the oranges from the top of my dresser, sliced them and simmered their flesh in a big pot until the house smells like a fairy tale.
Delightful and magical true story about a child experiencing their first snow. Good luck in the voting booth. Impressive writing.
Missy.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Missy, i truly appreciate your input. Childhood memories are the sweetest memories :)
Comment from Joan E.
Your "fairy story" is delightful. I enjoyed your descriptions and exclamations of joy. I especially liked your "sleigh/wind" simile and "white-ice flowers" metaphor. (I think in paragraph two, it should be "lie.") I also admired the loving gesture of the father giving the bigger piece of "orange" to his daughter. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Your "fairy story" is delightful. I enjoyed your descriptions and exclamations of joy. I especially liked your "sleigh/wind" simile and "white-ice flowers" metaphor. (I think in paragraph two, it should be "lie.") I also admired the loving gesture of the father giving the bigger piece of "orange" to his daughter. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thanks so much Joan, i really appreciate your comment and good wishes
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
I love this piece: great narration, and well worded. All without the use of a display photo. A well written entry. Good luck in this contest.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I love this piece: great narration, and well worded. All without the use of a display photo. A well written entry. Good luck in this contest.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you Isaiah (my grandson's name is Isaiah) I really appreciate your comment and good wishes.
Comment from samandlancelot
This was a cute story, but the beginning did not give me the impression of a little girl speaking. The contest description gave me that insight. Your words seemed too far advanced for a little girl.
flesh in a big pot until the house smells (smelled) like a fairy tale.
Patricia
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This was a cute story, but the beginning did not give me the impression of a little girl speaking. The contest description gave me that insight. Your words seemed too far advanced for a little girl.
flesh in a big pot until the house smells (smelled) like a fairy tale.
Patricia
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
Comment from Frances Jean
What a delightful little story. It is full of the excitement and wonderment of a child's perspective. I loved the fantasy of childhood; how you believed everything. I don't remember first snow being blue. Is that so? Good luck in the competition. Frances
'flys' = flies
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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What a delightful little story. It is full of the excitement and wonderment of a child's perspective. I loved the fantasy of childhood; how you believed everything. I don't remember first snow being blue. Is that so? Good luck in the competition. Frances
'flys' = flies
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thanks frances, the snow looks blue in her dream and becomes white as she
îs waking up
the story îs up for voting Now in the contest voting booth
thanks again
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Duh...should have realised that. Sorry.
Comment from Belinda
Cute story of a child and the orange fairy. Sometimes a child's imaginations seem so real to him and adults do not understand him. Interesting.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Cute story of a child and the orange fairy. Sometimes a child's imaginations seem so real to him and adults do not understand him. Interesting.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thanks so much Belinda