A Heart of Rock and Steel
A contest entry.20 total reviews
Comment from MizKat
The poor lady lost her true love and her next boyfriend walked out on her. It's a wonderfully written story and enjoyable to read. I liked the way it ended. Maybe there's a chance for her yet.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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The poor lady lost her true love and her next boyfriend walked out on her. It's a wonderfully written story and enjoyable to read. I liked the way it ended. Maybe there's a chance for her yet.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review and feedback.
Comment from TimothyGriffin
Very nice sketch of a character in 200 words. The narrator is set forth as a strong driven character who succeeds at the expense of her personal life. I especially liked the opening, "Your heart is made of rock and steel just like your building," he said as he walked off the balcony and out of her life. Very strong, sets the tone for the entire piece. Enjoyable, no revisions needed.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Very nice sketch of a character in 200 words. The narrator is set forth as a strong driven character who succeeds at the expense of her personal life. I especially liked the opening, "Your heart is made of rock and steel just like your building," he said as he walked off the balcony and out of her life. Very strong, sets the tone for the entire piece. Enjoyable, no revisions needed.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from Jnetgame
Excellent story with a powerful ending that makes one think. You did a great job with the required words and I didn't notice any SPAG. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Excellent story with a powerful ending that makes one think. You did a great job with the required words and I didn't notice any SPAG. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from RapturedHeart
Well done, Eliz. You've told a very sad and gripping story in so few words, and used the required words without us even knowing--they're not at all forced. All the best in the contest,
Heather
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Well done, Eliz. You've told a very sad and gripping story in so few words, and used the required words without us even knowing--they're not at all forced. All the best in the contest,
Heather
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from Begin Again
Eliz
One always must wonder what the future holds...but then when one door closes, another opens. Loved the idea of struggling to decided how her life should go...WEll done
Carol
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Eliz
One always must wonder what the future holds...but then when one door closes, another opens. Loved the idea of struggling to decided how her life should go...WEll done
Carol
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from hvysmker
A good one, Lee. Not only a story but a social commentary.
Personally, I was installing them in my cars even before seatbelts were mandatory.
However, I don't like the idea of a law. Education, fine. Law, no. I believe we already had too many laws made to save our lives, each one nibbling at the freedom of free choice.
When I moved back to Ohio, I was shocked when a friend told me he was given a traffic ticket because a policeman found an old beer can on the floor behind his seat. He'd given some friends a ride home a week before and didn't even know it was there. If one of them would have dropped drugs back there, he could have lost his car.
Charlie
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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A good one, Lee. Not only a story but a social commentary.
Personally, I was installing them in my cars even before seatbelts were mandatory.
However, I don't like the idea of a law. Education, fine. Law, no. I believe we already had too many laws made to save our lives, each one nibbling at the freedom of free choice.
When I moved back to Ohio, I was shocked when a friend told me he was given a traffic ticket because a policeman found an old beer can on the floor behind his seat. He'd given some friends a ride home a week before and didn't even know it was there. If one of them would have dropped drugs back there, he could have lost his car.
Charlie
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the positive review and comments.
Comment from Aislinge
Nicely done. All the words have been used, and the story is short, but enough is there to get a good picture of the scene. The only thing that confused me was the man in the beginning; not sure who he was, since her love was killed in a car accident. Still, for so few words, nice job!
Thanks for a great read!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Nicely done. All the words have been used, and the story is short, but enough is there to get a good picture of the scene. The only thing that confused me was the man in the beginning; not sure who he was, since her love was killed in a car accident. Still, for so few words, nice job!
Thanks for a great read!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the feedback and review.
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding entry for the contest. I love how you parallel the imagery as a metaphor. This is well conceived and well executed. Potent flash fiction. One of the better entries I've read, though there are quite qa few good ones and it may be tough to choose whom to vote for. I find no nits or spags. You fit the allocated words in seamlessly.
Bravo.
Good luck.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Outstanding entry for the contest. I love how you parallel the imagery as a metaphor. This is well conceived and well executed. Potent flash fiction. One of the better entries I've read, though there are quite qa few good ones and it may be tough to choose whom to vote for. I find no nits or spags. You fit the allocated words in seamlessly.
Bravo.
Good luck.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thank you for the positive review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written story with a smooth flow of words. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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This is a very well written story with a smooth flow of words. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thank you for the positive review.
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You're welcome,
Comment from Queenise
This is a good story line. I enjoyed it from the first to the last paragraph. It is thought provoking and very true to life. Good flow and conveys message clearly. Would recommend to others. Peace from Queenise
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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This is a good story line. I enjoyed it from the first to the last paragraph. It is thought provoking and very true to life. Good flow and conveys message clearly. Would recommend to others. Peace from Queenise
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2009
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Thank you for the positive review.
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You're welcome
