The Tears of God
a villanelle31 total reviews
Comment from Donovan
What is good about this work is, it tells a story, very simply, a story that is very complex and that has all the elements of a story. It allows the theater of the mind to take over an imagine what it was like, if the reader had been there.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2009
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What is good about this work is, it tells a story, very simply, a story that is very complex and that has all the elements of a story. It allows the theater of the mind to take over an imagine what it was like, if the reader had been there.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2009
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yes, it was a very complex story but you caught the message well. Thank you for that and for a good review.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Your words make one think about how many innocents cry behind prison walls. So many flaws in the law and hearts of man. I am sure God cries and may not hold his final wrath much longer.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2009
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Your words make one think about how many innocents cry behind prison walls. So many flaws in the law and hearts of man. I am sure God cries and may not hold his final wrath much longer.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2009
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Yes, I imagine so. Thanks for a good review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Razberry-sundae
Fantastic. No wonder you such a highly rated author. Congrats and I hope you continue to write such wonderful, moving poetry
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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Fantastic. No wonder you such a highly rated author. Congrats and I hope you continue to write such wonderful, moving poetry
Comment Written 25-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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Thank you for the compliment. You are very kind.
Comment from foxtale
The second line immediately grabs the reader. Well done.
The outrage we all feel. Except the cynics who say
they all say they are innocent.
Except the wheel turns; hooray hooray for dna.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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The second line immediately grabs the reader. Well done.
The outrage we all feel. Except the cynics who say
they all say they are innocent.
Except the wheel turns; hooray hooray for dna.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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I wish all people felt outrage, but most people unless they have been abused by the police system themselves, think the police are wonderful. Truly. It's shameful. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Gypsymooncat
While not a huge fan of the many forms of poetry around these days, I thought this was just grand - as the six stars show - as it gives the villanelle some depth and texture. Love the polish and skill this was written with and the perspective you wrote it from. Good luck Alvin :) xoxoxoxoxoxox
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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While not a huge fan of the many forms of poetry around these days, I thought this was just grand - as the six stars show - as it gives the villanelle some depth and texture. Love the polish and skill this was written with and the perspective you wrote it from. Good luck Alvin :) xoxoxoxoxoxox
Comment Written 25-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2009
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Thanks for an exceptional review. I just saw your name the other day, and remembered I hadn't heard from you for a while; it's good to hear from you again. Thanks for the comments about "depth" and "texture"; they mean a lot to me.
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You're welcome! And it's good to talk to you again :) xoxoxoxoxox
Comment from Helvi2
Hi Alvin,
Your poem feels so solitary and hopeless. You knew you didn't belong in that "pod" and that you were treated injustly. Your poem reflects the agony of being in that situation. I have cried in despair to God, wondering, "Why?" In my eyes you have done a super job of expressing the hollow feelings you felt. The imagery was outstanding.
On a presonal note I am sorry you ever had to write a poem like this.I am so glad God heard your cries.
Many Blessings and Hugs
Love,
Nancy
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Hi Alvin,
Your poem feels so solitary and hopeless. You knew you didn't belong in that "pod" and that you were treated injustly. Your poem reflects the agony of being in that situation. I have cried in despair to God, wondering, "Why?" In my eyes you have done a super job of expressing the hollow feelings you felt. The imagery was outstanding.
On a presonal note I am sorry you ever had to write a poem like this.I am so glad God heard your cries.
Many Blessings and Hugs
Love,
Nancy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Thanks for the very kind review. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Alvin,
This meets the requirement of the Villanelle poem which you list in your author's notes. However, that is the problem with adhering to a structure, the choice of the rhyming words, nod, pod, odd, just don't have the needed poetic ring.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2009
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Dear Alvin,
This meets the requirement of the Villanelle poem which you list in your author's notes. However, that is the problem with adhering to a structure, the choice of the rhyming words, nod, pod, odd, just don't have the needed poetic ring.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 13-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2009
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Yes, I was was worried about that, and I expected more four star than five star reviews. But that is the word they use now for holding cells in Los Angeles--"pod." Trimeter, as I am sure you know, is hard to write, but I wanted to try my hand at it. Please don't give me five stars (although I appreciate them) unless you think I really deserve it. I keep my emotions separate from my professional life, as do all true professionals. There was a play on "nod"--one from being falsely accused and one from being released--was that clear or was I too vague?
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Dear Alvin,
I gave you five because it fulfilled the requirements of the structure. If I were to rate it based upon the feeling I got from reading it, it would be a three. Because of the restrains of the structure it makes it seem almost silly. The sound and word choice did not resonate with me. I got the nod part, no problem.
Warm regards,
Winslow
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Please give me a three and tell me what is wrong. I am on this site to preview poems, not for being "feeling good." I would rather hear it from you than from a publisher.
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The problem with this poem, Alvin, as I said is that it at least for me, it is not very poetic. By writing to fulfill tthe rules of the structure, you have missed the mark of vividly protraying emotion. This poem comes off as one that is written to fulfill rules, rather than one written to convey a message in a poetic way. This is the best I can do, it did not elicit a feeling from me since it seemed more like a writing that conveyed nothing. I hope this is meaningful for you. To improve it go back and try to enhance its emotional impact, maybe not even write it in this structure but get out of the rigidity of your mind limiting rule box.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment from debskatz
Hey Al,
Very nice! I liked how the lines repeated, especially the last stanza. I sincerely hope you don't have to go to jail anymore. Probably an interesting experience for one hour, but not any longer than that, I'm sure!
Good luck in the contest!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Hey Al,
Very nice! I liked how the lines repeated, especially the last stanza. I sincerely hope you don't have to go to jail anymore. Probably an interesting experience for one hour, but not any longer than that, I'm sure!
Good luck in the contest!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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If the judge gave me thirty days, and the authorities released me in a day and a half, I don't think that is going to happen again. But I shall write articles about what is wrong with the jails in America. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from margota
Excellently executed poem, The Tears of God. One can now, through the eyes of your poem, feel and commiserate with how God must have felt when His son was falsely accused, and executed for things He had not done.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Excellently executed poem, The Tears of God. One can now, through the eyes of your poem, feel and commiserate with how God must have felt when His son was falsely accused, and executed for things He had not done.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Yes, that was my point. Thank you for seeing through the events in the poem to that understanding and for a good review.
Comment from Kingsland
I really liked this poem as it flowed rather smoothly through its continuing phase about God's tears. But now I must ask you this question.What are the tears of God?... John
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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I really liked this poem as it flowed rather smoothly through its continuing phase about God's tears. But now I must ask you this question.What are the tears of God?... John
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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I see them as metaphorical for Christ's (God the Son's) suffering on the cross. Thanks for a good review.