A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "One More Family Secret"Autobiography of abuse
19 total reviews
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
You have written well. There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter, and you have handled that competently. The only typo I found was in the author notes (you put ture instead of true).
So. Now we have an explanation of your father's behaviour. Fine. I'm sure he was very wronged. By the church, the priest and your aunt and uncle too. However, that didn't make any difference to your suffering. If someone had helped him and been true to him as a child, you need never have suffered as you did. Bloody Catholic priests! FFS it makes me so mad!
Good job, Valerie.
All warm wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
  |
You have written well. There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter, and you have handled that competently. The only typo I found was in the author notes (you put ture instead of true).
So. Now we have an explanation of your father's behaviour. Fine. I'm sure he was very wronged. By the church, the priest and your aunt and uncle too. However, that didn't make any difference to your suffering. If someone had helped him and been true to him as a child, you need never have suffered as you did. Bloody Catholic priests! FFS it makes me so mad!
Good job, Valerie.
All warm wishes
Kat
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Me too! I discovered the reason he was the way he was but that was when I made a personal discovery of my own. There may be reasons but that does not mean you have to excuse the behavior. Thank you for your kind review. I value your opinion.
Comment from jojosug
Your story continues to twist and turn and unravel in a riveting manner. I so admire your courage and fortitude, it is very difficult to stand up and speak, when you are so isolated. A brilliant piece of work.
Jo
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
Your story continues to twist and turn and unravel in a riveting manner. I so admire your courage and fortitude, it is very difficult to stand up and speak, when you are so isolated. A brilliant piece of work.
Jo
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you again, for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from laurelp
First - no errors. Now, that was one very heavy moment you wrote about. It is beyond my understanding. But then, I wasn't born Catholic and I learned (from my mother and my grandparents) that no one has any right to do anything to you. Always stand up and fight or tell someone. I was lucky, I never had to live through this. The one person in out family I didn't trust (and neither did my cousin) was to cowardly to do anything to us. He only skirted around the subject and said things. We could keep him at bay by not being alone with him. How anyone could survive what you went through.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
First - no errors. Now, that was one very heavy moment you wrote about. It is beyond my understanding. But then, I wasn't born Catholic and I learned (from my mother and my grandparents) that no one has any right to do anything to you. Always stand up and fight or tell someone. I was lucky, I never had to live through this. The one person in out family I didn't trust (and neither did my cousin) was to cowardly to do anything to us. He only skirted around the subject and said things. We could keep him at bay by not being alone with him. How anyone could survive what you went through.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
You don't have many options, either you survive somehow, or you don't. Many end up committing suicide or spend most of their lives in mental hospitals. Needless to say my family did not make it easy. Thanks for the high rating and kind review.
Comment from jodeecee
EXCELLENT chapter.
Ronnie cried/extra space/ every time he came home from school.
and if a man was raped, he was a queer./"/
Furious, she started yelling at her. (should be Miriam, not her/ I didn't know who)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
EXCELLENT chapter.
Ronnie cried/extra space/ every time he came home from school.
and if a man was raped, he was a queer./"/
Furious, she started yelling at her. (should be Miriam, not her/ I didn't know who)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for another kind review and for your excellent help with my "lousy" grammar and punctuation. I sincerely appreciate your help.
Comment from jlsavell
smurphgirl, this was a powerful chapter. Although i have not started at the beginning, this says just about all I need to know as I go forward with your story. I am moved beyond words, for your situation and others like you who do not hide from the horrific details of an innocent life betrayed. It appears to be a vicious circle where not just the viciousness of molestation was put upon a young life, but the outright denial of the truth that kept one damaged soul from getting help and another innocent soul from being protected. thank you for sharing..I must go to the other chapter.jlsavell
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
smurphgirl, this was a powerful chapter. Although i have not started at the beginning, this says just about all I need to know as I go forward with your story. I am moved beyond words, for your situation and others like you who do not hide from the horrific details of an innocent life betrayed. It appears to be a vicious circle where not just the viciousness of molestation was put upon a young life, but the outright denial of the truth that kept one damaged soul from getting help and another innocent soul from being protected. thank you for sharing..I must go to the other chapter.jlsavell
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you again for your kind review. Many of my chapters are individual stories and can stand alone. I hope you continue to follow my journey to sanity.
Comment from Jeanne-marie
http://www.fanstory.com/selectprofilemessages.jsp
Valerie has done an exceptional job expressing herself about an extremely difficult and for a large part of the population still a taboo subject. For most of us, these experiences are too difficult to conciously acknowledge, and remain hidden in our subconcious forever. Of the few that have memories, it is a threatening proposition to speak of them as there is a great potential that the listener will find fault with the victim.
Valerie has clearly liberated herself in this exposition of her childhood sexual abuse, revealing the feelings that arose, fear, depression, victimization, anger, outrage at her aunts who knew but did nothing to stop the behavior. How can you critique the quality of honest revelation of an inhumane experience, but as Valerie has done, with explicit detail, the fine art of expression of emotion, genuiness, clarity with no witholding of the deepest truths, even when your heart is breaking just to remember, but into tiny bits, as you put it down on paper, word by word.
The dialogue is quite natural; I feel like I am sitting at the sofa, listening in on the whole conversation. I feel a part of Valerie's pain.
Valerie, you have done an exceptional job recollecting and retelling a very difficult in detail a horrible experience to offer others some relief from a shared situation. I applaud your courage, and await to read the final published copy. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
http://www.fanstory.com/selectprofilemessages.jsp
Valerie has done an exceptional job expressing herself about an extremely difficult and for a large part of the population still a taboo subject. For most of us, these experiences are too difficult to conciously acknowledge, and remain hidden in our subconcious forever. Of the few that have memories, it is a threatening proposition to speak of them as there is a great potential that the listener will find fault with the victim.
Valerie has clearly liberated herself in this exposition of her childhood sexual abuse, revealing the feelings that arose, fear, depression, victimization, anger, outrage at her aunts who knew but did nothing to stop the behavior. How can you critique the quality of honest revelation of an inhumane experience, but as Valerie has done, with explicit detail, the fine art of expression of emotion, genuiness, clarity with no witholding of the deepest truths, even when your heart is breaking just to remember, but into tiny bits, as you put it down on paper, word by word.
The dialogue is quite natural; I feel like I am sitting at the sofa, listening in on the whole conversation. I feel a part of Valerie's pain.
Valerie, you have done an exceptional job recollecting and retelling a very difficult in detail a horrible experience to offer others some relief from a shared situation. I applaud your courage, and await to read the final published copy. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
My goodness! What can I possibly say other than thank you for your kind, detailed and empathetic review. For once in my life I am speechless.
Comment from prodigal
Very good discription in the first paragraph about the usless arm.
I like Miriam's thoughtful response to the question... Not right away.
"Daddy was a sick son-of-a-bitch and you knew it,." (I)screamed.
This is a well written chapter. What a sick and twisted family. It was common place not long ago to deny any wrong doing by a priest.
I could really see the characters for what they were in this chapter. You were very discriptive. All in all this is one of the best chapters I have read on FS. Well done- Sam
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
Very good discription in the first paragraph about the usless arm.
I like Miriam's thoughtful response to the question... Not right away.
"Daddy was a sick son-of-a-bitch and you knew it,." (I)screamed.
This is a well written chapter. What a sick and twisted family. It was common place not long ago to deny any wrong doing by a priest.
I could really see the characters for what they were in this chapter. You were very discriptive. All in all this is one of the best chapters I have read on FS. Well done- Sam
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind review and helpful suggestions. I can use all the help I can get. Again, thank you.
-
I found it to be one of the most authentically human chapters I have seen in a while.
I love stories that show the hidden secrets. That reveal the things no one wants to talk about .
Comment from ladybird
A really powerful chapter. I like the way you have described the events without seeking pity.You have written this with deep feeing and to relive that terrible time through putting the memory on paper must be a very hard thing to do.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
A really powerful chapter. I like the way you have described the events without seeking pity.You have written this with deep feeing and to relive that terrible time through putting the memory on paper must be a very hard thing to do.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind review. Yes, it was difficult, but I felt it was also necesary. Again, thank you for your review.
Comment from jaeladarling
It doesn't help that when people do finally face the truth, it often leads to enough ridicule to force them back to their lies. It's a sad, vicious circle. There are many more options today, and I hope your story will awaken people to the fact that things like this happen all the time, and we need to step in if we can.
I have just a couple of technical suggestions:
"...admitting a priest, was capable..." No comma.
"...and you knew it,." screamed. Typo here - who screamed?
Also, it was hard to tell who was talking at times because you break up dialogue by the same person. For example, this:
Furious, I yelled, "And what a great job you did! How proud you must be."
My blood was boiling.
"What about me? You obviously didn't think I needed protection!"
Should be this:
Furious, I yelled, "And what a great job you did! How proud you must be." My blood was boiling. "What about me? You obviously didn't think I needed protection!"
This will allow your readers to better keep track of who is speaking. ;)
Thanks so much for sharing this difficult story with us!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
|
It doesn't help that when people do finally face the truth, it often leads to enough ridicule to force them back to their lies. It's a sad, vicious circle. There are many more options today, and I hope your story will awaken people to the fact that things like this happen all the time, and we need to step in if we can.
I have just a couple of technical suggestions:
"...admitting a priest, was capable..." No comma.
"...and you knew it,." screamed. Typo here - who screamed?
Also, it was hard to tell who was talking at times because you break up dialogue by the same person. For example, this:
Furious, I yelled, "And what a great job you did! How proud you must be."
My blood was boiling.
"What about me? You obviously didn't think I needed protection!"
Should be this:
Furious, I yelled, "And what a great job you did! How proud you must be." My blood was boiling. "What about me? You obviously didn't think I needed protection!"
This will allow your readers to better keep track of who is speaking. ;)
Thanks so much for sharing this difficult story with us!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
-
Thank you very much for your high rating and greatly appreciated suggestions. I sincerely value your opinion.