Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Breathe Again"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
19 total reviews
Comment from cjvaughn
Hi Ricouard,
Great writing, compelling and powerful. This reminded me of an Anne Rice chapter.
You've painted a picture for the reader to see inside this character's pain.
No SPAG, and well written. CJ
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2007
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Hi Ricouard,
Great writing, compelling and powerful. This reminded me of an Anne Rice chapter.
You've painted a picture for the reader to see inside this character's pain.
No SPAG, and well written. CJ
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2007
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Ohhhhh.... Anne Rice... I LOVE her work. I am honored that I my work was able to bring her to mind :-)
Comment from justmade
This has a really great message. Many go around these days dwelling in this situation and in my opinion do not do enough to get out of it. We all need wisdom, courage,... to fight what ever tries to keep us down so we can fully understand and enjoy what it means to live. I love what you said about patience, that always goes a long way.
LOL,
Justmade.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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This has a really great message. Many go around these days dwelling in this situation and in my opinion do not do enough to get out of it. We all need wisdom, courage,... to fight what ever tries to keep us down so we can fully understand and enjoy what it means to live. I love what you said about patience, that always goes a long way.
LOL,
Justmade.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Thank you very much! I am so glad that you found it worthy of such an amazing rating. I hope that we all can overcome the demons that plague us and learn to live in the here and now. Nothing ever comes from dwelling in the past.
Comment from winnie
Dear Ricouard,
This is well written and well thought out.
It carries it's own message.
Our lives are in our own hands and it is up to us to make what we will of it.
Well done,
kind regards,
winnie.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Dear Ricouard,
This is well written and well thought out.
It carries it's own message.
Our lives are in our own hands and it is up to us to make what we will of it.
Well done,
kind regards,
winnie.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Yes, it is. If we insist on plodding through life in a haze then we will never know the joys it can offer as well. Thank you for your time and your wonderful comments
Comment from Lynn Yvonne Moon
I didn't like this one as much as the previous chapter. The writing was good, but wasn't really in story mode as before. But I still believe you have a future in writing. Please continue.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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I didn't like this one as much as the previous chapter. The writing was good, but wasn't really in story mode as before. But I still believe you have a future in writing. Please continue.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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I wasn't reall going for "story mode" with this one. More of a glimpse into the horrible loss and pain of an abusive childhood and the struggle to overcome them. Still, I tahnk you for the great review and taking the time to read and comment :-D
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Oh, I'll have to re-read it with that in mind. You are a good writer!
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Again, you flatter me! I hope that I am able to live up to your expectations and continue to bring you into my world of words :-D
Comment from kintesiegel
I love this work. At first I wonder whether it was going to be a bit much in the second and third paragraph--too much complaining -- but then I was captured and loved the story by the end. Am I wrong to want a hook or instant gratification in each paragraph> Probably. Bev
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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I love this work. At first I wonder whether it was going to be a bit much in the second and third paragraph--too much complaining -- but then I was captured and loved the story by the end. Am I wrong to want a hook or instant gratification in each paragraph> Probably. Bev
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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LOL... instant gratification has become something we all expect. I figured the "I died" was enough to catch attention :-) Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review this piece
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
exercise >>>>> exorcise
breath >>>>>>> breathe
typo spelling checks that I found while reading your work which is good well written and strong I did enjoy a very original them regards Fuller
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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exercise >>>>> exorcise
breath >>>>>>> breathe
typo spelling checks that I found while reading your work which is good well written and strong I did enjoy a very original them regards Fuller
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Ohhh... darn spell checker! I will go in and fix this immediatly. Thanks for pointing them out
Comment from Sissy Holly Grace
This is a very dramatic piece of work . It may be short but there is plenty of information. I have my own ideas on this piece . I suppose other readers will have different opinions. I will say something that this is totally different to a lot I have read on here. It is very well written and a lot of thought has gone into it. Thank you for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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This is a very dramatic piece of work . It may be short but there is plenty of information. I have my own ideas on this piece . I suppose other readers will have different opinions. I will say something that this is totally different to a lot I have read on here. It is very well written and a lot of thought has gone into it. Thank you for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Thank you. I know that ideas will vary as we are all different, but the message is still that of hope and I think to this, we can all relate.
Comment from medisec
This is a very haunting story, but is very well-told. It shows how the character felt 'dead' amongst the living, but came out of hell on earth to begin living again, and shows a strong character here.
There's a glaring error in your Title: it should be Breathe. (e.g. I took a breath, but couldn't breathe. There are two of these. Here are some other suggestions:
use double -- for hyphens, i.e.
'past--insistent ghosts'
half-alive, half-dead
died--never
breathe again
medisec
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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This is a very haunting story, but is very well-told. It shows how the character felt 'dead' amongst the living, but came out of hell on earth to begin living again, and shows a strong character here.
There's a glaring error in your Title: it should be Breathe. (e.g. I took a breath, but couldn't breathe. There are two of these. Here are some other suggestions:
use double -- for hyphens, i.e.
'past--insistent ghosts'
half-alive, half-dead
died--never
breathe again
medisec
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Ahhhh... I hate when mistakes happen! But I thank you for pointing them out and I will go in and fix them :-D
Comment from Lokman
Beautiful message!!
Told in in an almost disquieting otherworldly way that resonated in this reader's mind as the words passed before his eyes.
Excellent work here!! I am very glad to have met you on this site. Keep writing!!
Lokman
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Beautiful message!!
Told in in an almost disquieting otherworldly way that resonated in this reader's mind as the words passed before his eyes.
Excellent work here!! I am very glad to have met you on this site. Keep writing!!
Lokman
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2007
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Your comments have brightened my day (and it needed brightening as the sun remains stubbornly hidden in a fog of rain). I, too, am always glad to meet another who can relate and find joy in my work... as I have found joy in theirs :-)