My Day On Board the Enterprise
An adventure with the USS Enterprise21 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I'm a big fan of Star Trek, too. I would love to escape my humdrum world to stand on the floor of the USS Enterprise. What a dream or imagination you had, either one. You had a wonderful experience shrinking an alien and talking to Spock and James T Kirk. I wish I could do the same thing and share the spotlight with the Enterprise crew. Thanks for sharing your imaginative story with all of us here on Fanstory.
Jesse
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I'm a big fan of Star Trek, too. I would love to escape my humdrum world to stand on the floor of the USS Enterprise. What a dream or imagination you had, either one. You had a wonderful experience shrinking an alien and talking to Spock and James T Kirk. I wish I could do the same thing and share the spotlight with the Enterprise crew. Thanks for sharing your imaginative story with all of us here on Fanstory.
Jesse
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I remember this contest. I may have been the originator. When was it and how do you still have rewards still attached. I found this humorous and worth an extra star. Well done, Star Fleet gal!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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I remember this contest. I may have been the originator. When was it and how do you still have rewards still attached. I found this humorous and worth an extra star. Well done, Star Fleet gal!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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Thank you for your review and for your 6 started rating. It is appreciated. I don't remember entering the contest that you mentioned. I entered this story for the Let me tell you about my day contest. I had fun writing this. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
I, too, love Star Trek and this was a fun little romp.
There are a few things you might want to have a look at though. I made some notes as I read through-
I would suggest putting the different dialogue from different speakers in separate paragraphs. it makes for a cleaner write which is more easily followed and is more usual in terms of formatting.
in floated the weirdest alien I've ever seen. - the use of 'I'd ever seen' feels a little off given the circumstances.
"I knew it! You said you were'nt going to shrink me!" - weren't.
I mean that Captain Kirk now looked like a skyscraper. My body felt all tingly, and then...boom, I was suddenly two feet tall. - this description doesn't fully add up. If you're only 2 foot tall, Kirk wouldn't look like a skyscraper. He'd only be four feet taller.
"No, it's terrifying! I yelled. I'm the size of a chihuahua. Get me back to normal!" - you need to close the reopen the speech marks on either side of I yelled.
"No, no, no, no, I muttered - need closing speech marks here before the speech tag.
A flash of light. A really bright flash of light. And poof... now Zorlok was my size. Two feet tall, just like me - but you were no longer two foot tall but rather the size of a mouse!
All the best
GMG
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hi there,
I, too, love Star Trek and this was a fun little romp.
There are a few things you might want to have a look at though. I made some notes as I read through-
I would suggest putting the different dialogue from different speakers in separate paragraphs. it makes for a cleaner write which is more easily followed and is more usual in terms of formatting.
in floated the weirdest alien I've ever seen. - the use of 'I'd ever seen' feels a little off given the circumstances.
"I knew it! You said you were'nt going to shrink me!" - weren't.
I mean that Captain Kirk now looked like a skyscraper. My body felt all tingly, and then...boom, I was suddenly two feet tall. - this description doesn't fully add up. If you're only 2 foot tall, Kirk wouldn't look like a skyscraper. He'd only be four feet taller.
"No, it's terrifying! I yelled. I'm the size of a chihuahua. Get me back to normal!" - you need to close the reopen the speech marks on either side of I yelled.
"No, no, no, no, I muttered - need closing speech marks here before the speech tag.
A flash of light. A really bright flash of light. And poof... now Zorlok was my size. Two feet tall, just like me - but you were no longer two foot tall but rather the size of a mouse!
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an inventive story about your day on the Star Ship Enterprise! This post is a lot of fun Jacqueline and I enjoyed your adventure. I used to love the series when it first started and was glued to my black and white TV! Love Dolly x x x
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This is an inventive story about your day on the Star Ship Enterprise! This post is a lot of fun Jacqueline and I enjoyed your adventure. I used to love the series when it first started and was glued to my black and white TV! Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
Your story is interesting. However, I have suggestions for improvement of your posts.
I would suggest you use Advanced Editor and increase the size of your font. It will attract more readers who have older eyes.
Your work will also appear more appealing with space between paragraphs as opposed to indenting one space, which the site instructs against. Many readers look at how a post is presented to determine if they want to read it. If it looks hard on the eyes, they skip it.
Finally, when you write dialogue, each speaker gets a new line. Here is an example:
"Who are you?" "Uh... I'm just a girl," I said,
"Who are you?"
"Uh...I'm just a girl," I said.
"There is an alien on board. It is... malfunctioning. It appears to be of the 'shrinking' variety. "Wait, what? Shrinking? (missing the end quotation mark after the word variety) ("Wait, what? belongs on a new line. It is another person speaking)
le't fix this already. (Did you mean let's fix this?)
Basically, you have a good story. You may want to consider presentation especially when entering contests.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Your story is interesting. However, I have suggestions for improvement of your posts.
I would suggest you use Advanced Editor and increase the size of your font. It will attract more readers who have older eyes.
Your work will also appear more appealing with space between paragraphs as opposed to indenting one space, which the site instructs against. Many readers look at how a post is presented to determine if they want to read it. If it looks hard on the eyes, they skip it.
Finally, when you write dialogue, each speaker gets a new line. Here is an example:
"Who are you?" "Uh... I'm just a girl," I said,
"Who are you?"
"Uh...I'm just a girl," I said.
"There is an alien on board. It is... malfunctioning. It appears to be of the 'shrinking' variety. "Wait, what? Shrinking? (missing the end quotation mark after the word variety) ("Wait, what? belongs on a new line. It is another person speaking)
le't fix this already. (Did you mean let's fix this?)
Basically, you have a good story. You may want to consider presentation especially when entering contests.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
Comment from Wayne Fowler
clever story. Nicely written.
You said you were'nt going to shrink me!" - oops (weren't)
And poof... now Zorlok was my size. Two feet tall, just like me. - I thought at this point you were the size of a mouse.
Good luck in the contest.
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clever story. Nicely written.
You said you were'nt going to shrink me!" - oops (weren't)
And poof... now Zorlok was my size. Two feet tall, just like me. - I thought at this point you were the size of a mouse.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading your entry. On FanStory one has to physically put in the spaces for the paragraphs, when you post. It makes it easier to read. It's called 'eye candy'. Good luck with the contest.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading your entry. On FanStory one has to physically put in the spaces for the paragraphs, when you post. It makes it easier to read. It's called 'eye candy'. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
Comment from Karen Cherry
I truly do wish I had a six. Or a Ten! I love Star Trek and my favorite series is Deep Space Nine, to watch. But, if I had to be yanked into one, It would be The original. You wrote this incredibly well. I loved every speck of it. Good work, Karen
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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I truly do wish I had a six. Or a Ten! I love Star Trek and my favorite series is Deep Space Nine, to watch. But, if I had to be yanked into one, It would be The original. You wrote this incredibly well. I loved every speck of it. Good work, Karen
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Thank you for your wonderful and kind review. Also for the stars. Your review is appreciated. Have a wonderful day.
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You read my "Halloween Hijinks" it has great points. Karen
Comment from Harry Craft
"You know," I said, "if you can shrink me, maybe I can shrink you." My favorite line in the whole story! This was a great take on Star Trek. I used to like watching it too. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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"You know," I said, "if you can shrink me, maybe I can shrink you." My favorite line in the whole story! This was a great take on Star Trek. I used to like watching it too. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Thank your review and the rating. I'm glad you enjoyedthe story. Have a great day.
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You are so welcome!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
With witty dialogue, an amusingly over-the-top alien antagonist, and a perfectly unqualified hero stumbling into greatness, this story is a fun, fast-paced adventure. Perfect for sci-fi fans who love a touch of comedy!
Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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With witty dialogue, an amusingly over-the-top alien antagonist, and a perfectly unqualified hero stumbling into greatness, this story is a fun, fast-paced adventure. Perfect for sci-fi fans who love a touch of comedy!
Well done.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Thank youfor the reviewand for your rating. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
