Proud to Be His Daughter
Admirable in every way36 total reviews
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
Rachelle, this is a lovely tribute to your father, very touching. The rhyming is great. The content is outstanding.
I'm gonna poke at one tiny little thing, which as a singer you might appreciate.
For that was always my life's goal <= life's goal is a good phrase, as concept or idiom of sorts, but thinking as a lyricist, it's best to avoid a tailing S against most percussive consonants, because the S is going to be stronger than the following word, and cause either a clarity issue or a tempo issue. (It will project as "sgoal" which is hard to convey as a single coherent syllable).
Alternate ideas: that was always my life goal (still suboptimal because it places the stress on MY, which functions as a possessive adjective)
OR
that has always been my goal / all my life that was my goal
OR change it up a bit to connect it better to the next line, remove redundancy, and increase catharsis. Eg. through the seasons of my life that's what I strived to be
And there's one spot where I thought the choice of words was a little clunky:
When seeing how life works.
"seeing" seems a little passive as a verb coming off of a reference to your dad's steely strength. There are other rhymes available: such as:
-and tantalizing quirks
-which helps me beat up jerks
I don't know if that is the content you are going for but thought you'd enjoy those.
Thanks for sharing this,
🦍
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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Rachelle, this is a lovely tribute to your father, very touching. The rhyming is great. The content is outstanding.
I'm gonna poke at one tiny little thing, which as a singer you might appreciate.
For that was always my life's goal <= life's goal is a good phrase, as concept or idiom of sorts, but thinking as a lyricist, it's best to avoid a tailing S against most percussive consonants, because the S is going to be stronger than the following word, and cause either a clarity issue or a tempo issue. (It will project as "sgoal" which is hard to convey as a single coherent syllable).
Alternate ideas: that was always my life goal (still suboptimal because it places the stress on MY, which functions as a possessive adjective)
OR
that has always been my goal / all my life that was my goal
OR change it up a bit to connect it better to the next line, remove redundancy, and increase catharsis. Eg. through the seasons of my life that's what I strived to be
And there's one spot where I thought the choice of words was a little clunky:
When seeing how life works.
"seeing" seems a little passive as a verb coming off of a reference to your dad's steely strength. There are other rhymes available: such as:
-and tantalizing quirks
-which helps me beat up jerks
I don't know if that is the content you are going for but thought you'd enjoy those.
Thanks for sharing this,
🦍
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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I do enjoy them. Thank you for helping me see those points. xoxo
Comment from Wendy G
What a wonderful tribute to your father, who is still proud of you, I am sure. His times in the car with you were obviously precious to him, and he used his time with you to install important values and integrity. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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What a wonderful tribute to your father, who is still proud of you, I am sure. His times in the car with you were obviously precious to him, and he used his time with you to install important values and integrity. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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I so appreciate these kind and generous words, Wendy. Thank you. xoxo
Comment from judiverse
I thought I had already reviewed this. This is a very sincere and touching remembrance of your father. You describe effectively some of the qualities he instilled in you. You convey that you owe so much to him, and I am sure he was proud of you. Excellent rhyme and flow, and best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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I thought I had already reviewed this. This is a very sincere and touching remembrance of your father. You describe effectively some of the qualities he instilled in you. You convey that you owe so much to him, and I am sure he was proud of you. Excellent rhyme and flow, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Thank you for all of this, Judi. It made me feel so very good xoxox
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What a wonderful tribute. He must hav been proud of you, too. judi
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Rachelle.
The poem about your father is beautifully written. Your language is very descriptive when you identify the traits you are honoring. The form of the poem is excellent. The most endearing and impactful statement in the poem as I read it is, "The silence reigning since your death."
That is not just a statement of history. It is a declaration of dedication and devotion. Excellent poetry has important and profound meaning. It's not just rhyming words. It is heartfelt expression. This poem meets that criteria. Excellent!
Good luck in the contest.
Z
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Hello Rachelle.
The poem about your father is beautifully written. Your language is very descriptive when you identify the traits you are honoring. The form of the poem is excellent. The most endearing and impactful statement in the poem as I read it is, "The silence reigning since your death."
That is not just a statement of history. It is a declaration of dedication and devotion. Excellent poetry has important and profound meaning. It's not just rhyming words. It is heartfelt expression. This poem meets that criteria. Excellent!
Good luck in the contest.
Z
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Oh, Z., this has me crying, it made me feel so happy inside. Thank you for your kindest and most gracious of words. They mean the world. xoxox
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You are VERY welcome, Rachelle.
Z
Comment from Stacy M.S.
Aw, first of all I am so sorry you lost this wonderful person.
As for the poem...you have penned the details of a beautiful person...yet this person also mirrors you!
Gorgeous poem and writing, I enjoyed it.
PS - I am sure he is still very proud of you!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Aw, first of all I am so sorry you lost this wonderful person.
As for the poem...you have penned the details of a beautiful person...yet this person also mirrors you!
Gorgeous poem and writing, I enjoyed it.
PS - I am sure he is still very proud of you!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Thank you, Stacy M.S. for this most encouraging and affirming of reviews. I could not appreciate it more. xoxo
Comment from teafor2
Rachelle, this is a sentimental crafted tribute dedicated to a man, father,
and example of what a male parent should be about...Thanks for sharing this personal and private mini biography with FS...From every indication of your stanzas and informative notes, "A poem about a Man" is well deserved! I wish you good luck in the contest. teafor2
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Rachelle, this is a sentimental crafted tribute dedicated to a man, father,
and example of what a male parent should be about...Thanks for sharing this personal and private mini biography with FS...From every indication of your stanzas and informative notes, "A poem about a Man" is well deserved! I wish you good luck in the contest. teafor2
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Thank you for this absolutely beautiful review and for the well-wishes in the contest, too. Both are totally appreciated. xoxo
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You are welcome. teafor2
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an exceptional, heartfelt tribute to your dad, a man who seemed to invest his heart and soul into his daughter so she would be guaranteed a successful life. I know he was, and is proud of you. Your poem shows you are still daddy's little girl.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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This is an exceptional, heartfelt tribute to your dad, a man who seemed to invest his heart and soul into his daughter so she would be guaranteed a successful life. I know he was, and is proud of you. Your poem shows you are still daddy's little girl.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Okay, now I am crying, and it's all your fault...for being so kind and nurturing with this incredible review. Thank you, Lorraine. This made my whole day better. xoxox
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Rachelle,
I'm sorry for your loss. I bet you do miss your dad a lot. He sounds like he was a great dad and you loved him lots. See daddy told you to reach for the stars and you did.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Rachelle,
I'm sorry for your loss. I bet you do miss your dad a lot. He sounds like he was a great dad and you loved him lots. See daddy told you to reach for the stars and you did.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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So true. But he helped hold the ladder! Thank you for this very sweet and compassionate review. xoxo
Comment from GWHARGIS
Oh, Rachelle, this made me cry. Actually tears. I have been thinking about my parents a lot these past few months. I have my father's color blindness and love of silly humor. I have my mother's sharp and salty sense of humor. This goes to show no matter how old you are, we will never stop loving and missing our parents. Beautiful, Rachelle, just beautiful. Gretchen
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Oh, Rachelle, this made me cry. Actually tears. I have been thinking about my parents a lot these past few months. I have my father's color blindness and love of silly humor. I have my mother's sharp and salty sense of humor. This goes to show no matter how old you are, we will never stop loving and missing our parents. Beautiful, Rachelle, just beautiful. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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It's true; there is at least one thing a day that can trigger a memory. Thank you for this fabulous review. You always know exactly what to write. xoxox
Comment from Mrs. KT
Yes, Rachelle, you most assuredly still make your father proud.
What a beautiful poetic tribute to a man, who if I didn't know better, sounds like a clone of my own beloved father: a man of integrity, humility, compassion - a role model for the ages. I, too, "treasure" all he bestowed, and I still do when I look at my own two children and know how proud he would be of them as their father and I are.
I smiled at your Author's Notes because my father also drove me to piano lessons for years, and while I so enjoyed the lessons, I truly coveted the time my father and I were able to spend together.
The last stanza of your moving poem, deeply resonates with me, for the silence reigning since my father's death echoes loudly every day...
Thank you for sharing!
fondly,
diane
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Yes, Rachelle, you most assuredly still make your father proud.
What a beautiful poetic tribute to a man, who if I didn't know better, sounds like a clone of my own beloved father: a man of integrity, humility, compassion - a role model for the ages. I, too, "treasure" all he bestowed, and I still do when I look at my own two children and know how proud he would be of them as their father and I are.
I smiled at your Author's Notes because my father also drove me to piano lessons for years, and while I so enjoyed the lessons, I truly coveted the time my father and I were able to spend together.
The last stanza of your moving poem, deeply resonates with me, for the silence reigning since my father's death echoes loudly every day...
Thank you for sharing!
fondly,
diane
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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I knew you would so get this poem, Diane. It's obvious why we are kindred spirits. xoxo
