Spelunked
A cautionary caving tale.16 total reviews
Comment from Jewell Hermann
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you but you're right that it's hard to flesh out a flash story with a 100 word limit and the cave is home to a cannibal clan. Think Sawny Beane
Comment from Jewell Hermann
Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Ok story
With the 100 word limit it would be hard to head this advice, but I,ll give it anyway.
1.Maybe some background to the main character would be nice, make the ending more significant.
2.Atmospheric details, are sparse/ non-existent.
3.Some more details about the monster, such as interesting sounds that it makes or how it said (hello diner!) beside excitement.
Is the monster just a human?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from lancellot
This is a very nice contest entry. I only have a couple of suggestions.
notes:
"Hello?" He called out.
-"Hello?" he called out.
"Hello dinner!" Was the reply as sets of hands grabbed him pulling him into the darkness.
-or-
"Hello dinner!" came an icy, inhuman reply, as powerful, clutching hands pulled him into darkness.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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This is a very nice contest entry. I only have a couple of suggestions.
notes:
"Hello?" He called out.
-"Hello?" he called out.
"Hello dinner!" Was the reply as sets of hands grabbed him pulling him into the darkness.
-or-
"Hello dinner!" came an icy, inhuman reply, as powerful, clutching hands pulled him into darkness.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the suggestions.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
And this story did nothing to help me feel better about going into a cave lol Caves scare the daylights out of me as I am highly claustrophic. Good job on this 100 word flash fiction piece. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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And this story did nothing to help me feel better about going into a cave lol Caves scare the daylights out of me as I am highly claustrophic. Good job on this 100 word flash fiction piece. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, walking into the lions den is no fun for some and this is indeed a horror story. An inventive and entertaining post, good luck, love Dolly x x x x x
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Oh my goodness, walking into the lions den is no fun for some and this is indeed a horror story. An inventive and entertaining post, good luck, love Dolly x x x x x
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the kind words!
Comment from pome lover
very good! However, I'm glad I'm not getting ready to go to bed. nightmare city. You paint a very descriptive scenario in just a few words, and unfortunately it reminds me of a nightmare I used to have as a child.
It's still a good 100 word scare.
Katharine
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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very good! However, I'm glad I'm not getting ready to go to bed. nightmare city. You paint a very descriptive scenario in just a few words, and unfortunately it reminds me of a nightmare I used to have as a child.
It's still a good 100 word scare.
Katharine
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you! I'm sorry if I'm keeping you awake.
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was just remarking on it's being scary.