Death of Timothy Grey
Watching can sometimes be deadly30 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congratulations, Barry, for your contest win! Very well deserved. You certainly captured the imagination with your first sentence and, although we knew from the title that things weren't going to fare well for Timothy Grey (I like your style giving him a full name), it didn't make the tragedy any less chilling or vivid. The brevity of your story perfectly conveyed the speed and shock of the act. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Congratulations, Barry, for your contest win! Very well deserved. You certainly captured the imagination with your first sentence and, although we knew from the title that things weren't going to fare well for Timothy Grey (I like your style giving him a full name), it didn't make the tragedy any less chilling or vivid. The brevity of your story perfectly conveyed the speed and shock of the act. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 23-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Thanks Debbie, for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read despite it being a very tragic subject. Take care and have a most wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Extremely well done, the beginning line as well as the ensuing micro-flash. We understood with the words "the mulberries were not in season" and then stayed to watch the slow-motion tragedy unfurl. GREAT job. I see the Winner's Circle in your future with this masterpiece; that's for sure! xoxo
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Extremely well done, the beginning line as well as the ensuing micro-flash. We understood with the words "the mulberries were not in season" and then stayed to watch the slow-motion tragedy unfurl. GREAT job. I see the Winner's Circle in your future with this masterpiece; that's for sure! xoxo
Comment Written 23-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Rachelle,
Wow, what a great review. The pressure is now on me to produce something pretty special so as to fulfill your prophecy. Thanks very much. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from Nicki.B
This for sure was a terrible watching experience. This I believe will be tough for some to read I for one know a few families in my area who lost their sons, friend, dad's to such a sad ending.
Best Wishes
Nicki
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2024
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This for sure was a terrible watching experience. This I believe will be tough for some to read I for one know a few families in my area who lost their sons, friend, dad's to such a sad ending.
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 22-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2024
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Nicki,
Thanks for the review. Yes it is a sad topic. I live in a region that unfortunately has too many young deaths from suicide. In any event take care.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Writeup Master
Most definitely engaging!
Yes, truly to watch is not to see or understand. Many people observe the actions of others without being able to grasp the pain and despair behind every single step.
A reminder to engage when we watch actions that seem unnatural or unnecessary.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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Most definitely engaging!
Yes, truly to watch is not to see or understand. Many people observe the actions of others without being able to grasp the pain and despair behind every single step.
A reminder to engage when we watch actions that seem unnatural or unnecessary.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read.Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
You transition from the opening sentence through the story was very subtle, initially. Then the emotion changed and became palpable to the reader. It is well written. You put it together well and it stays with the reader. Congratulations
Z
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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You transition from the opening sentence through the story was very subtle, initially. Then the emotion changed and became palpable to the reader. It is well written. You put it together well and it stays with the reader. Congratulations
Z
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Robert,
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Maybe I will do a bit more with this start and see how it all pulls together. Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Gunner Lil
Great job and a super win for you.
Short and to the point.
The action with the results would be difficult for anyone to witness.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Great job and a super win for you.
Short and to the point.
The action with the results would be difficult for anyone to witness.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. I might consider doing something more with this. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from F. William Lester
Got my attention. Well done. You had me guessing right up the noose. Yes, you have the start to a good story - either in flashback leading up to the final act or a follow up addressing the impact of Timothy Grey's death on those he left behind. Thanks for sharing it and congratulations on your win. Stay well.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Got my attention. Well done. You had me guessing right up the noose. Yes, you have the start to a good story - either in flashback leading up to the final act or a follow up addressing the impact of Timothy Grey's death on those he left behind. Thanks for sharing it and congratulations on your win. Stay well.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the kind review. Yes, I am not sure which way I will go with it at this stage. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers.
Barry Penfold.
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You're welcome, Barry. Have a great weekend.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I can't say that the first sentence contained a hook that reeled me in. If it was a 5,000 word piece, I probably would not have (sorry).
Maybe your first sentence should have been - he quickly placed the other end of the rope around his neck
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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I can't say that the first sentence contained a hook that reeled me in. If it was a 5,000 word piece, I probably would not have (sorry).
Maybe your first sentence should have been - he quickly placed the other end of the rope around his neck
Best wishes.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Wayne,
Thanks for your review. Thanks also for your suggestion. Don't mind it at all. Take care and have a most wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Oh wow, that is an incredible opening line. No wonder it won. You deftly lead us through watching a man climb a tree. We see him and what he's doing, then the climbing stops and he jumps off and hangs himself. There is no opinion presented, except for it being appalling and traumatic for the main person. Congratulations on the win!!!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Oh wow, that is an incredible opening line. No wonder it won. You deftly lead us through watching a man climb a tree. We see him and what he's doing, then the climbing stops and he jumps off and hangs himself. There is no opinion presented, except for it being appalling and traumatic for the main person. Congratulations on the win!!!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Thanks Rhonda. Glad you enjoyed the story although the topic is gloomy. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from Sharon Elwell
I think you definitely do have the start of a story. The reader wants to know what the watcher is thinking as he watches, and how the unexpected result affects the rest of his life. We also want to know what brought Timothy Grey to that moment. I'll be watching - like your protagonist - to see where you go with this!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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I think you definitely do have the start of a story. The reader wants to know what the watcher is thinking as he watches, and how the unexpected result affects the rest of his life. We also want to know what brought Timothy Grey to that moment. I'll be watching - like your protagonist - to see where you go with this!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Sharon,
Thanks for the review and I am so glad you enjoyed the read. Will there be more. Well, I will see how life pans out in the near future. I now know you will be watching. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.