Prince Charming
A story of never-ending love24 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
What a charming, entertaining, and totally inventive story. I am sure that even some of the mature too soon children represented by today's standards would find this story to be to their liking. Of course, I could be wrong. Today's kids are a different breed.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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What a charming, entertaining, and totally inventive story. I am sure that even some of the mature too soon children represented by today's standards would find this story to be to their liking. Of course, I could be wrong. Today's kids are a different breed.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Yes, they are a different breed and I will never claim to understand them, but then they probably say the same about me. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and hopefully, gained an ounce of comfort from the thoughts in the ending. I send my thoughts and prayers to you.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Thank you so much.
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Always...
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I love this line: The hands on the clock had moved forward, but the ache of his absence still held residence in her heart."
I like that you used water to act as a mirror that she could see her love in, then his shadow faded, which made the scene more realistic to me. We all get a glance of our dear departed from time to time.
Not only was this a moving story, but I couldn't find one thing wrong with it. I also like that you used "story time" with your granddaughters as a means for telling us this story.
Well done, Lorraine.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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I love this line: The hands on the clock had moved forward, but the ache of his absence still held residence in her heart."
I like that you used water to act as a mirror that she could see her love in, then his shadow faded, which made the scene more realistic to me. We all get a glance of our dear departed from time to time.
Not only was this a moving story, but I couldn't find one thing wrong with it. I also like that you used "story time" with your granddaughters as a means for telling us this story.
Well done, Lorraine.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Oops! One minor typo-- It's Carol.
Not a problem since I loved what you had to say about my story and it touched my heart and made me smile. Thank you so much for enjoying it. I feel blessed by your thoughts and the stars.
Have agreat day!
Smiles, Carol (or Lorraine..lol)
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Yes, I know you're Carol. That's why I tried to change it. I guess it didn't work. Did you get 6 stars?
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Yes ma'am ...thank you and I sent you a message to tell you so. So kind!
Comment from Jacob1395
I could feel her grandchildren's excitement as they asked their Nan to tell them the story, and I could also feel the emotion in their Nan's voice as she told the tale. An excellent piece, Carol, I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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I could feel her grandchildren's excitement as they asked their Nan to tell them the story, and I could also feel the emotion in their Nan's voice as she told the tale. An excellent piece, Carol, I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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It was my granddaughters birthday yesterday and she wanted a story. I am happy that you could feel the love and emotions woven within the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Happy birthday to Cameryn, first of all! Your story within a story is a brilliant literary device! I love your gentle reminiscing (therapeutic to you) -- while soothing and entertaining the children (delightful for them!)
I'm learning so much from Patrick's reviews!
Doggone it I might just try writing a story again with enough of his encouraging lessons!
I know who your prince charming is...
and boy, was he one lucky man to win your heart, fair maiden!
This sentence felt jumbled to me, but maybe ask Patrick why?
"She remembered meeting her Prince Charming by the river and their love."
(I felt it should have ended with something more...like "where they fell in love."
Hah! As if I'd know!
I so enjoyed this, Carol. There is a sense of peace surrounding you...
Love that!
Karenina
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Happy birthday to Cameryn, first of all! Your story within a story is a brilliant literary device! I love your gentle reminiscing (therapeutic to you) -- while soothing and entertaining the children (delightful for them!)
I'm learning so much from Patrick's reviews!
Doggone it I might just try writing a story again with enough of his encouraging lessons!
I know who your prince charming is...
and boy, was he one lucky man to win your heart, fair maiden!
This sentence felt jumbled to me, but maybe ask Patrick why?
"She remembered meeting her Prince Charming by the river and their love."
(I felt it should have ended with something more...like "where they fell in love."
Hah! As if I'd know!
I so enjoyed this, Carol. There is a sense of peace surrounding you...
Love that!
Karenina
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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You are right! It should say meeting her Prince Charming by the river and falling in love. Had to write that or I would have forgotten!
Yes, I enjoy Patrick as well and he's so right about all his suggestions as well. Makes me feel inferior in my writing, but at this time of my life...you get what I can do and I don't think it can be much more than that. LOL You know that saying about teaching an old dog knew tricks.
thanks for wishing Camryn a happy birthday. For the past few years I was with them celebrating, but it was not to be this year and I really missed them. It made me feel good when they like my stories though.
Thanks for enjoying the story. I did too. I felt good while I was writing it. Hope you are doing better as well.
smiles and love, Carol
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Sorry for spelling Camryn's name wrong... (I'm such a dork)
I, too, wish you could have been with her.
Really? Patrick makes you feel inferior? I think he's a born teacher and offers not only an opinion, but goes on to explain the reason behind it...and I always feel smarter after reading what he has to say!
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Not him..I should say I feel that what I thought was good is mere surface compared to his style of writing... though his latest was more like scuba diving. LOL
what he has to offer is outstanding... amazing at the least. He's very sincere. I was referring at what I see in my own reflection...as my ego pops and fizzles
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Don't you dare doubt how great you are!
I'd have to drive to see you and give you a good talking too!
(That would be fun!)
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I would love us to get together somehow...somewhere... but preferably on Earth at the moment. LOL
Comment from Julie Helms
Prince Charming is such a universal desire for girls. I'm not sure if it's because we're raised on fairy tales or because it's a perfect picture of Christ returning for his bride to head off to his kingdom, an idea deeply engraved in our souls.
Either way you've tapped into an enduring theme in the reminiscences of your character's lost love.
A few suggestions:
so she could write stories filled with dreams of happiness that everyone enjoy
(everyone would enjoy or everyone enjoys)
Did he ride his white horse through her rose garden?
(end quote missing).
Beautifully written!
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Prince Charming is such a universal desire for girls. I'm not sure if it's because we're raised on fairy tales or because it's a perfect picture of Christ returning for his bride to head off to his kingdom, an idea deeply engraved in our souls.
Either way you've tapped into an enduring theme in the reminiscences of your character's lost love.
A few suggestions:
so she could write stories filled with dreams of happiness that everyone enjoy
(everyone would enjoy or everyone enjoys)
Did he ride his white horse through her rose garden?
(end quote missing).
Beautifully written!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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thank you, Julie. It took me a while to get back to making sure I got those corrections fixed...thanks for having eagle eyes and catching them. Greatly appreciated. I appreciate your review and the stars for the story I wrote for my granddaughter's birthday yesterday.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very nice story and I so much enjoyed listening to it. I can see that Nana on the bed talking with those little girls. It's a wonderful story and very well written. May you have a wonderful day and it will blessed week. Patricia.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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This is a very nice story and I so much enjoyed listening to it. I can see that Nana on the bed talking with those little girls. It's a wonderful story and very well written. May you have a wonderful day and it will blessed week. Patricia.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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thank you, Patricia. It is my great granddaughter's birthday today and her name is Camryn. She wanted me to write a story for her. thnk you for enjoying it.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Carol!
What a charming story! It echoes the theme of "Forever Wrapped in Your Love," but combines the sentiment of loss within an enviroment that shows the love of others that are still with us. You write so well, as I've said. You do a great job of showing rather than telling, and this, to me, is the threshold through which a quality fiction writer emerges from the state of being a novice. Unfortunately, many never make it over this most important of obstacles.
Some Random Thoughts:
---"How did she find her Prince if she worked all day, Nana? Did he ride his white horse through her rose garden?" --Adorable!
---"Well, Mommy says she'll come when she's ready, and Daddy better be happy when she gets there." --Believe it or not, I am glad these young ladies are being taught the proper way that men should treat women.
---I have always liked stories within stories. It's a great technique to create simulataneous scenes that reinforce each other. While Maggie is wistfully thinking about her lost prince in the inner story, she's being infused with love by her granddaughters in the outer one. This creates the theme I mentioned earlier: of missing lost loved-ones and at the same time, remembering the loved-ones we still have.
Here were a few possible fixes I noticed:
---"smiling at her, rested on the side[-]table beside her." --Double-check me on this, but I want to put a hyphen here.
---"of his hands as they walked by the river," --This is a perfect example of the lengthy example I included in the last review about precise description in our writing. Remember, about the "eyes locking?" This one is a bit more obvious. What you actually wrote is that his hands are walking by the river, instead of them. This can be easily fixed with the following rewording: "of his hands as [she walked with him] by the river,".
---"happiness that everyone enjoy[s], especially" --Missing a plural in your verb here.
---On my screen, you lost your italics formatting starting with: "She gazed at her reflection in the water."
---"peacefully, and [Maggie] she whispered a silent prayer of." --I think it would be better to use "Maggie" here since it has been a long time since you have used it to identify her. Plus, you spent many paragraghs talking about Anna. Not a huge thing at all, just think it is better.
I love how inspirational your stories are. I can tell you are benefiting from them emotionally as we've discussed. Writing as catharsis is one of the more important benefits the craft bestows on those who "take up the pen."
Talk to you again soon!
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Hi Carol!
What a charming story! It echoes the theme of "Forever Wrapped in Your Love," but combines the sentiment of loss within an enviroment that shows the love of others that are still with us. You write so well, as I've said. You do a great job of showing rather than telling, and this, to me, is the threshold through which a quality fiction writer emerges from the state of being a novice. Unfortunately, many never make it over this most important of obstacles.
Some Random Thoughts:
---"How did she find her Prince if she worked all day, Nana? Did he ride his white horse through her rose garden?" --Adorable!
---"Well, Mommy says she'll come when she's ready, and Daddy better be happy when she gets there." --Believe it or not, I am glad these young ladies are being taught the proper way that men should treat women.
---I have always liked stories within stories. It's a great technique to create simulataneous scenes that reinforce each other. While Maggie is wistfully thinking about her lost prince in the inner story, she's being infused with love by her granddaughters in the outer one. This creates the theme I mentioned earlier: of missing lost loved-ones and at the same time, remembering the loved-ones we still have.
Here were a few possible fixes I noticed:
---"smiling at her, rested on the side[-]table beside her." --Double-check me on this, but I want to put a hyphen here.
---"of his hands as they walked by the river," --This is a perfect example of the lengthy example I included in the last review about precise description in our writing. Remember, about the "eyes locking?" This one is a bit more obvious. What you actually wrote is that his hands are walking by the river, instead of them. This can be easily fixed with the following rewording: "of his hands as [she walked with him] by the river,".
---"happiness that everyone enjoy[s], especially" --Missing a plural in your verb here.
---On my screen, you lost your italics formatting starting with: "She gazed at her reflection in the water."
---"peacefully, and [Maggie] she whispered a silent prayer of." --I think it would be better to use "Maggie" here since it has been a long time since you have used it to identify her. Plus, you spent many paragraghs talking about Anna. Not a huge thing at all, just think it is better.
I love how inspirational your stories are. I can tell you are benefiting from them emotionally as we've discussed. Writing as catharsis is one of the more important benefits the craft bestows on those who "take up the pen."
Talk to you again soon!
Patrick
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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You are trying to teach an "old dog" new tricks, my friend. And thankfully, I am always open to learning..I don't always catch on as fast as I used to, but if you don't weary of me, I will keep trying. I enjoy your suggestions and how you show me how it should be (with gentle kindness). Thank you so much and I will continue to work on it.
smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
You write the most heart-touching stories, Carol. You must be in the correct mode to keep coming up with one lovely tale after another. I enjoy reading these stories, so keep them coming.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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You write the most heart-touching stories, Carol. You must be in the correct mode to keep coming up with one lovely tale after another. I enjoy reading these stories, so keep them coming.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Thank you, April...Yes, I feel I'm in a good spot at the moment and I pray every morning that I can hang on to it. I appreciate your comments and thank you for the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
A story within a story -- good job! One suggestion for the first paragraph in blue: '...with dreams of happiness that everyone (could read) especially...' Good interaction between Maggie and her granddaughters, and good descriptions throughout. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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A story within a story -- good job! One suggestion for the first paragraph in blue: '...with dreams of happiness that everyone (could read) especially...' Good interaction between Maggie and her granddaughters, and good descriptions throughout. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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OOPS! Thank you for catching that for me, Carol. Already flew over there and fixed it... I need a good set of eagle eyes working for me. LOL Thanks again for reviewing and enjoying the story.
Smiles, Carol
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Sometimes the editor in me never quits.
Have a wonderful week. Hugs & smiles!
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Not a problem! I need all the help I can get!
Comment from papa55mike
I love how you told the story through a story for the grandchildren and separated it by the blue font. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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I love how you told the story through a story for the grandchildren and separated it by the blue font. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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thank you so much, Mike. today is my great granddaughter's birthday (Camryn) and she asked me to write a story for her and so I did. I appreciate your review and the awesome stars. thank you so much!
Smiles, Carol