School Has Begun
a loop poem13 total reviews
Comment from jim vecchio
I remember those tears missing my folks in kindergarten, nd my daughter missing me in pre-school. May I suggest a small revision: "there will be a time when time time will pass, but no one care." to something like:
there will be a time when time will pass
but there'll be none to care
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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I remember those tears missing my folks in kindergarten, nd my daughter missing me in pre-school. May I suggest a small revision: "there will be a time when time time will pass, but no one care." to something like:
there will be a time when time will pass
but there'll be none to care
Comment Written 06-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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Thanks, Jim. Sounds good.
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As the King of Typos, I'm glad to see you are human, too.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really so well done, Bill, and I know for a fact that many mums are breathing a sigh of relief, while others will worry because their child will be away at 'big' school for the first time. I really enjoyed your poem and had a little smile. Good luck, my friend. Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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That was really so well done, Bill, and I know for a fact that many mums are breathing a sigh of relief, while others will worry because their child will be away at 'big' school for the first time. I really enjoyed your poem and had a little smile. Good luck, my friend. Sandra xx
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Comment Written 06-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Sandra
Comment from lyenochka
I like your comment "image placement". Somehow it wants to be doubled.
I was a little tense reading "begun" and school in the title. But I see this is more normal and soon the missing home will be gone as the kids develop their independence. Now the kids keep in touch with parents all day with cell phones. Lol.
Suggestion - to avoid repetition and for grammar
there will be a time when time (there will be a day when time)
time will pass, but no one care. (time will pass, but they won't care)
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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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I like your comment "image placement". Somehow it wants to be doubled.
I was a little tense reading "begun" and school in the title. But I see this is more normal and soon the missing home will be gone as the kids develop their independence. Now the kids keep in touch with parents all day with cell phones. Lol.
Suggestion - to avoid repetition and for grammar
there will be a time when time (there will be a day when time)
time will pass, but no one care. (time will pass, but they won't care)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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Thanks, Helen. Sounds good.
