Spirited Justice
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Spirited Justice Chap 21"Mystery, crime and ghostly high jinks
14 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Donatelli has been awakened to what is going on right under his, while he's flying around, his temper and his stubbornness and indignation are getting in his way of seeing clearly, he's fortunate that he has two people focussed enough to guide his obstinacy, can he stop the intention of stopping powerful forces from carrying out their will? Beautifully written Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Donatelli has been awakened to what is going on right under his, while he's flying around, his temper and his stubbornness and indignation are getting in his way of seeing clearly, he's fortunate that he has two people focussed enough to guide his obstinacy, can he stop the intention of stopping powerful forces from carrying out their will? Beautifully written Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Thanks, Roy! I think he's had an eye opener now! Or at least I hope so...He needs to sit with Garth, compare notes, and get working on this crime...or should I say crimes. thank you so much for reading another chapter and enjoying. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, Carol
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That's right
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Wow! That was one hell of a chapter, Carol. I could feel all the tension, fear, anger, the emotions were a roller coaster of gigantic proportions. Now perhaps Donatelli will start acting like a detective again, doing something that he is good at. Danni was good, she tried to get her boss to listen, but he was still pig headed. So what was it that upset Donatelli when he left the room? And we still have Garth to come onto the scene and make up with Donatelli, that'll be something good!! Well done, my friend. loved this chapter. Love and hugs Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Wow! That was one hell of a chapter, Carol. I could feel all the tension, fear, anger, the emotions were a roller coaster of gigantic proportions. Now perhaps Donatelli will start acting like a detective again, doing something that he is good at. Danni was good, she tried to get her boss to listen, but he was still pig headed. So what was it that upset Donatelli when he left the room? And we still have Garth to come onto the scene and make up with Donatelli, that'll be something good!! Well done, my friend. loved this chapter. Love and hugs Sandra xxx
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Garth's got the grill going and the steaks marinating so he's waiting for Donatelli to show up, but one was at a crime scene and the other ...well, he attended my birthday party. LOL Moving in that direction though.... So much to work into the story... and I guess I need to be more careful with my commas and periods.... Not that I can see them anymore. LOL
So glad you could sense all the tension. that's wheat I was aiming for.... Another few explosions! Appreciat the review as always.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I know you already know this, but you have a great story on your hands, but the errors you're making with the dialogue draw the reader out of the story. I'm going to be a little harsh here, but I know you can do better. Please edit more, mainly dialogue.
Johan hesitated, then continued, his voice strained. "A large (strained,)
Danni finally interjected, her voice soft yet probing. "A threat? (probing,)
breath, lowering his voice to a whisper. "There have been (whisper,)
Danni tried again. "Matthew, I think we need to consider --" (again,)
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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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I know you already know this, but you have a great story on your hands, but the errors you're making with the dialogue draw the reader out of the story. I'm going to be a little harsh here, but I know you can do better. Please edit more, mainly dialogue.
Johan hesitated, then continued, his voice strained. "A large (strained,)
Danni finally interjected, her voice soft yet probing. "A threat? (probing,)
breath, lowering his voice to a whisper. "There have been (whisper,)
Danni tried again. "Matthew, I think we need to consider --" (again,)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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I appreciate your help and the punctuation has been fixed, but to be perfectly honest, I can't see them. It's not an excuse because mistakes are mistakes, but often I think I have the right comma or period, but I can't see it. I'll try harder.
Thank you for reading the story. Sorry my periods took the enjoyment away. It terrifies me about how long I will be able to continue. I read about everyone else and their eye sight problems and pray. Please Lord, help me.
Thank you as always.
Smiles, Carol
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I don't know what to do. If I acknowledge them it takes time to note them and that takes me out of the story. If I ignore them, then it doesn't help you. See my problem?
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I fully understand and I do appreciate all your effort. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring all that effort. It's just that I can't see the punctuation. sometimes I think I have put the right one there and think why did she say that...then I have to get real close to the screen and find ut I am an idiot. Please don't think I didn't appreciate all that you do. Trying to get into the eye doctor again but that's a trip and a half. Next year!!!
Smiles, Carol
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Can you use larger font to write or what I do is increase the size with this little button in my screen, don't know what it's called, but it makes things larger and smaller. I have to write in huge font. My guys tease me.
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I am writing in 18 but I guess I will have to try larger but then it messes with the screen... but it's worth a try.
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I write in 28 and then still enlarge the page.
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Really...Will it still give you the right scale on the paper when you make it smaller?
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It always does. I do it for every novel I've written and posted.
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I'll try going bigger. Anything is better than this.
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Good luck. I do write on a PC and not on a laptop. I did use a laptop this weekend at Steven's. So, it shouldn't make a difference.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Carol, that blood-soaked bed wasn't a nice thing to do to a person reading this on almost zero sleep! :-) I will try to stay current on your postings but I have company coming for a week and I may not be able to keep up as I would like. Try not to kill off anyone important lol
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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Carol, that blood-soaked bed wasn't a nice thing to do to a person reading this on almost zero sleep! :-) I will try to stay current on your postings but I have company coming for a week and I may not be able to keep up as I would like. Try not to kill off anyone important lol
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Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Company! That sounds like fun! Don't worry about me... I will be here for yu to catch up whenever you have the time. Thanks so much for the review.
Smiles, Carol