Perfume of Murder
Smelling Nice does not mean it is Nice18 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this entry with us. I do hope you plan on continuing this into a book. I would enjoy reading and knowing what happened. Please rewrite your dialogue. Each person speaking gets their own paragraph. Good luck with the contest.
"Boss, where are you?"
"Rankin, I am in Bel-Air, the address is on my report sheet on my desk. Need you to get here. Bring a couple of the forensic people." (This entire dialogue, 13 lines need to be divided up into paragraphs, each person speaking gets their own paragraph. And the same thing further down in this entry.)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Thank you for sharing this entry with us. I do hope you plan on continuing this into a book. I would enjoy reading and knowing what happened. Please rewrite your dialogue. Each person speaking gets their own paragraph. Good luck with the contest.
"Boss, where are you?"
"Rankin, I am in Bel-Air, the address is on my report sheet on my desk. Need you to get here. Bring a couple of the forensic people." (This entire dialogue, 13 lines need to be divided up into paragraphs, each person speaking gets their own paragraph. And the same thing further down in this entry.)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Barbara,
Thanks for your review and encouragement to continue the story. Also, and once again, I appreciate your comments about amendments. You take care.
Regards
Barry Penfold
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A really good first chapter, Barry. I love it. You've developed the character of Ray Striker very well, and a good hint at the minor characters. You set the stage well and built up suspense. Gotta wonder who was looking at him through the screen? Whoever it was has something personal against the detective, maybe against the victim as well.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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A really good first chapter, Barry. I love it. You've developed the character of Ray Striker very well, and a good hint at the minor characters. You set the stage well and built up suspense. Gotta wonder who was looking at him through the screen? Whoever it was has something personal against the detective, maybe against the victim as well.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much Rhonda for your review. So glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, more will be revealed in the next chapter. Have a great day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This could mean trouble: "Upon reaching the first floor landing he viewed three doors. Bedrooms, he thought, as he weighed up his options. Call in for backup now or just continue with his search. He had already breached the standing rule not to attend a scene of possible violence without another officer. But rules were made to be broken. Sometimes it was necessary." well written
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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This could mean trouble: "Upon reaching the first floor landing he viewed three doors. Bedrooms, he thought, as he weighed up his options. Call in for backup now or just continue with his search. He had already breached the standing rule not to attend a scene of possible violence without another officer. But rules were made to be broken. Sometimes it was necessary." well written
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Liz,
Thanks for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed the read. You never know what will happen next. You have a great day and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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You also Barry.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You have created a compelling plot, with lots of suspense and mystery in this first chapter. A phone call for help was made, but no phone located in the house. A detective arrived on the scene within fifteen minutes of the phone call, but the murder had already been committed. But the wildest thing is the plant in the mouth of the deceased. You are off to a magnificent start, and I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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You have created a compelling plot, with lots of suspense and mystery in this first chapter. A phone call for help was made, but no phone located in the house. A detective arrived on the scene within fifteen minutes of the phone call, but the murder had already been committed. But the wildest thing is the plant in the mouth of the deceased. You are off to a magnificent start, and I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much for your great reviews. Glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, more to come and I hope I can continue the intrigue. Thanks again and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from royowen
This reminded me of Sherlock Holmes and his arch nemesis Moriarty who plagued Holmes like a wistful breeze, or is that like a bad smell that won't go away, and seemingly as clever as Holmes, but could never quite catch him, beautifully written Barry, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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This reminded me of Sherlock Holmes and his arch nemesis Moriarty who plagued Holmes like a wistful breeze, or is that like a bad smell that won't go away, and seemingly as clever as Holmes, but could never quite catch him, beautifully written Barry, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Roy,
Thanks for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Now it is for me to continue the intrigue. Have a great day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from Begin Again
Congratulations on writing a compelling first chapter to intrigue the reader to continue to follow the story. I wish you well in the contest and also with your endeavors with finishing the story.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Congratulations on writing a compelling first chapter to intrigue the reader to continue to follow the story. I wish you well in the contest and also with your endeavors with finishing the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Carol,
Thanks for your review and your best wishes. I hope I am up to the task. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from patcelaw
Nicely written first chapter 4 a book and I wish you the very best with writing your book. May you have a wonderful day and may your week be blessed. I wish you the very best for all of your writing. Patricia.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Nicely written first chapter 4 a book and I wish you the very best with writing your book. May you have a wonderful day and may your week be blessed. I wish you the very best for all of your writing. Patricia.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Patricia,
Thanks so much for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed the read and thanks for your best wishes. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from Paul McFarland
Nice start, Barry. This first chapter establishes what is to come and gets the reader's interest quickly. A little more character development would be good. Maybe in the next chapter.
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reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Nice start, Barry. This first chapter establishes what is to come and gets the reader's interest quickly. A little more character development would be good. Maybe in the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Thanks Paul, for your review. Yes, I will hopefully cover more of the character aspects in the next chapter. Hope you are well and that you have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry