Haiku suite (Summer Sentinels)
A haiku suite20 total reviews
Comment from gansach
This is a very nice entry for the 5-7-5 nature haiku suite competition. Your words are descriptive a present a clear picture to the mind. It evokes a peaceful summer scene. I enjoyed it. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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This is a very nice entry for the 5-7-5 nature haiku suite competition. Your words are descriptive a present a clear picture to the mind. It evokes a peaceful summer scene. I enjoyed it. Nicely done!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much gansach. So glad you liked it!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-You have written a very good haiku suite
with effective nature imagery.
-A very good repeating line.
-I like how you show the progression
using different aspects of nature,
from the mountain tops to the sparrows,
and a very good concluding verse that
shows how the "two bare boughs" are
"watching over the landscape."
-A very good entry; good luck!!!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-You have written a very good haiku suite
with effective nature imagery.
-A very good repeating line.
-I like how you show the progression
using different aspects of nature,
from the mountain tops to the sparrows,
and a very good concluding verse that
shows how the "two bare boughs" are
"watching over the landscape."
-A very good entry; good luck!!!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Pam for such a super review and and rating. So glad you liked it!
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Katiemae. Thoughts are with you and hope you are doing better.
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Thank you Pam!
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You are welcome, Katiemae.
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5, Summer Sentinels, has the proper formatting and finds those watchers which have risen somehow to the pinnacles of their existence and seem to survey their kingdom.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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This 5-7-5, Summer Sentinels, has the proper formatting and finds those watchers which have risen somehow to the pinnacles of their existence and seem to survey their kingdom.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Bill for reviewing!
Katiemae1977
Comment from SimianSavant
This well-constructed and effective haiku strikes the right balance between consistency and variety. Opportunities may lie in the presentation. I think of a sentinel in filmography as being off to the side a bit, watching the landscape without deliberately being a conspicuous part of it, although it very much ends up being part of the scene in the way it clashes with its tranquility. Well, I guess I am thinking of prison camp sentries from WW2 films. If it was me, I might find a picture that puts the trees off to the side a little more, and contrast the colors a bit. One of these trees just looks like it is dead, and using the other tree for life support. Not a lot of sentinel activity going on there, unless one tree is the sentinel for the other.
Maybe I'm overthinking this. I'd maybe check out some more font options though.
Thanks for the read and good luck with the voters,
🦍
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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This well-constructed and effective haiku strikes the right balance between consistency and variety. Opportunities may lie in the presentation. I think of a sentinel in filmography as being off to the side a bit, watching the landscape without deliberately being a conspicuous part of it, although it very much ends up being part of the scene in the way it clashes with its tranquility. Well, I guess I am thinking of prison camp sentries from WW2 films. If it was me, I might find a picture that puts the trees off to the side a little more, and contrast the colors a bit. One of these trees just looks like it is dead, and using the other tree for life support. Not a lot of sentinel activity going on there, unless one tree is the sentinel for the other.
Maybe I'm overthinking this. I'd maybe check out some more font options though.
Thanks for the read and good luck with the voters,
🦍
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thanks for the review and good luck wishes!
Katiemae1977
Comment from Begin Again
A snapshot of peaceful country landscape and your words matched it perfectly. Each standing guard, appreciating the beauty, and remaining a part of summer.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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A snapshot of peaceful country landscape and your words matched it perfectly. Each standing guard, appreciating the beauty, and remaining a part of summer.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much for your lovely comments and review Carol!
Comment from kiwisteveh
great job of following the strict conditions here. Your three haiku are well-constructed and relate to the same scene, although the summer sentinels are different each time. Very clever.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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great job of following the strict conditions here. Your three haiku are well-constructed and relate to the same scene, although the summer sentinels are different each time. Very clever.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Steve!
Comment from Jacob1395
The visual imagery in your writing was so strong and I could really picture the scene before me as I was reading, it was really well done. I thought your writing was excellent and I really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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The visual imagery in your writing was so strong and I could really picture the scene before me as I was reading, it was really well done. I thought your writing was excellent and I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Jacob for reading and reviewing!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Mystery Writer,
I appreciate the imagery of your well-crafted haiku.
Most of all, I appreciate the fact that your offering is actually a haiku; most of the entries in this contest are 5/7/5 poems = clearly not haiku.
So very disappointing that the contest was allowed to proceed...
Thank you for sharing.
diane
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Hello, Mystery Writer,
I appreciate the imagery of your well-crafted haiku.
Most of all, I appreciate the fact that your offering is actually a haiku; most of the entries in this contest are 5/7/5 poems = clearly not haiku.
So very disappointing that the contest was allowed to proceed...
Thank you for sharing.
diane
Comment Written 29-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Dianne for your review. I guess yes, a lot of these were 5-7-5s. Not too much haiku being written on this site anymore.
Thanks again and take care.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Write A Nature 5-7-5 Haiku Suite writing prompt. I liked all your examples of summer sentinals watching over the land. Nice idea for the suite and the final line in all three Haikus. Good luck
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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An excellent entry for the Write A Nature 5-7-5 Haiku Suite writing prompt. I liked all your examples of summer sentinals watching over the land. Nice idea for the suite and the final line in all three Haikus. Good luck
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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Thank so very much Marilyn! Your kind words and review are much appreciated!
Take care.
Comment from BOO ghost
Haiku suite (Summer Sentinels) Like the unique titte name. Oh, just noticed that this is a writer prompt entry.
two sparrows perched high
look o'er a lush green meadow
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summer sentinels..
I particularly like these words. Reminds me of a word, Waverly. A meadow of quivering aspens.
This is good writing! You got a knack with words. Knowing which ones to combine together. The picture speaks for itself. It's a lovely bonus! Enhances the meaning of the words that you have weaved! Terrific!
BOO!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Haiku suite (Summer Sentinels) Like the unique titte name. Oh, just noticed that this is a writer prompt entry.
two sparrows perched high
look o'er a lush green meadow
-
summer sentinels..
I particularly like these words. Reminds me of a word, Waverly. A meadow of quivering aspens.
This is good writing! You got a knack with words. Knowing which ones to combine together. The picture speaks for itself. It's a lovely bonus! Enhances the meaning of the words that you have weaved! Terrific!
BOO!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Thanks so very much Boo! So glad you liked it.
Take care!