Writer's Remorse
Second chances are possible.12 total reviews
Comment from Jacob1395
That was an intense piece and I could feel the tension increasing, particularly when John was pulled away from the party by Susan. I could feel the connection there was between them and I would love to see them both appear in a story again. I enjoyed reading it.
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That was an intense piece and I could feel the tension increasing, particularly when John was pulled away from the party by Susan. I could feel the connection there was between them and I would love to see them both appear in a story again. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from lancellot
Well, first I don't think this needs to be behind the adult wall. That will unnecessarily harm your chance of attracting views, reviews, and votes.
Your is written and edited well, but it feels abrupt. We get that your MC feels remorse for leaving Michelle, but that is undeveloped and comes without "showing" us at the end. This means Susan's interlude served no real purpose. Add to that, John's personality doesn't jive with what we are told and what "happens" with him. He feels like a passenger, not an actor, driving the story. What I mean, he has a passive feel, and he is always in the wrong and apologizing to women. Yet the author wants the reader to believe he is hypersexual and a ladies' man. These do not add up. It is like a feminist's idea of what a hypersexual man would be, in a lady's world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Well, first I don't think this needs to be behind the adult wall. That will unnecessarily harm your chance of attracting views, reviews, and votes.
Your is written and edited well, but it feels abrupt. We get that your MC feels remorse for leaving Michelle, but that is undeveloped and comes without "showing" us at the end. This means Susan's interlude served no real purpose. Add to that, John's personality doesn't jive with what we are told and what "happens" with him. He feels like a passenger, not an actor, driving the story. What I mean, he has a passive feel, and he is always in the wrong and apologizing to women. Yet the author wants the reader to believe he is hypersexual and a ladies' man. These do not add up. It is like a feminist's idea of what a hypersexual man would be, in a lady's world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024