DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 18"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
21 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This chapter really illustrates the extent to which Jules is coming out of her shell and comparing a more relaxed lifestyle with her own more formal one. I wonder, Jim, whether you need to go into so much detail with the bowling. I understand why you might because, of course, Brian is the narrator and he seems to be recalling everything in graphic detail. And it's also about building Jules' confidence. But I think, sometimes, it can get a little too detailed and hold up the pace of the story. Personally, I'd like to hear more about Brian's emotions and how he's feeling about himself as well as Jules during these outings. But this is me trying to find something in an otherwise excellent read. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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This chapter really illustrates the extent to which Jules is coming out of her shell and comparing a more relaxed lifestyle with her own more formal one. I wonder, Jim, whether you need to go into so much detail with the bowling. I understand why you might because, of course, Brian is the narrator and he seems to be recalling everything in graphic detail. And it's also about building Jules' confidence. But I think, sometimes, it can get a little too detailed and hold up the pace of the story. Personally, I'd like to hear more about Brian's emotions and how he's feeling about himself as well as Jules during these outings. But this is me trying to find something in an otherwise excellent read. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Couldn't agree more, Debbie. Definitely too much unnecessary detail about the bowling. I've cut it down quite a lot and added some of Brian's thoughts about it. Excellent suggestions. Thanks so much for that. I think it reads better now.
Comment from lyenochka
I wondered why you chose the Rocky movie picture. But even looking at the picture, I could see the similarities between those two characters and Brian and Julia. Brian is really pulling Julia out of her sheltered existence. It's wonderful that she could feel free and enjoy life with Brian and Fran for a day.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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I wondered why you chose the Rocky movie picture. But even looking at the picture, I could see the similarities between those two characters and Brian and Julia. Brian is really pulling Julia out of her sheltered existence. It's wonderful that she could feel free and enjoy life with Brian and Fran for a day.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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They are showing her life can actually be fun, and there's a whole lot more to it than just the violin. We don't exactly need her following in her mother's footsteps.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I want Brian to be pain free, so he doesn't risk going back to the pills. I am also worried Julia's parents, mom, is going to put a stop to their relationship. Not at all good.
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Oh, especially that," I laughed. (that. laughed is not a speech tag.)
I was beaming for her. (might want to make this active instead of passed. 'I beamed at her.')
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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I want Brian to be pain free, so he doesn't risk going back to the pills. I am also worried Julia's parents, mom, is going to put a stop to their relationship. Not at all good.
Â
Oh, especially that," I laughed. (that. laughed is not a speech tag.)
I was beaming for her. (might want to make this active instead of passed. 'I beamed at her.')
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Now what kind of story would it be if he doesn't relapse at some point? :) Let's just hope these two are willing to stay with each other through the bad times that are sure to eventually come.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Very solidly sweet and authentic. I was worried that she was going to hurt her hand while bowling, so it was a relief to have been wrong about that! [Jim, I bet this is going to shock you, but I have a leopard bowling ball...and bag. Oh! And I'm a pretty decent bowler, which you absolutely HAVE to be if you're going to go around using a leopard ball, right?]
I liked the way Brian realized at the end of the date, after he'd taken Julia home, that suddenly he was aware of his pain again. Since he's very bright, I think that will be an important revelation.
Anyway, very nice job of moving the story forward. xoxo
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Very solidly sweet and authentic. I was worried that she was going to hurt her hand while bowling, so it was a relief to have been wrong about that! [Jim, I bet this is going to shock you, but I have a leopard bowling ball...and bag. Oh! And I'm a pretty decent bowler, which you absolutely HAVE to be if you're going to go around using a leopard ball, right?]
I liked the way Brian realized at the end of the date, after he'd taken Julia home, that suddenly he was aware of his pain again. Since he's very bright, I think that will be an important revelation.
Anyway, very nice job of moving the story forward. xoxo
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Why am I not very surprised at your choice of bowling ball and matching bag, Rachelle? Sounds perfect for you!
Yes, that was an important revelation for Brian which will have major implications later in the story as he learns more about why that happens.
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Can't wait! xoxo
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Jim, do you have your story all mapped out?
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No, I sure don't. Only vague ideas at present. I've written up to chapter 31, and I'm still not sure how it will all end up. By chapter 31, Brian is still only a freshman in college, but a lot happens between now and then. Where we're at in the story is probably at the 1/3 point.
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I was just curious. Each writer has a different style, it seems. Some have a basic idea, some have no clue, yet both get to the final chapter eventually. I love hearing people's techniques.
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Maybe you've heard the term "pantser" for this approach. It's short for writing by the seat of your pants as opposed to being a "plotter." Most writers are one way or the other to varying degrees. Plotters tend to use outlines and know the structure of the story fairly well before they begin writing, while pantsers may start with a vague idea, but simply let it go where the characters take it.
Coming for a computer programming background, I kind of surprised myself that pantsing would be my approach to fiction, as you can't be that way when designing a computer system. In real life, most of us are pantsers and only a few have their whole life mapped out ahead of time.
Stephen King wrote an excellent book called On Writing where he describes these two ways of writing very well. He himself is a pantser and doesn't plan his books out ahead of time.
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I tried plotting a book a few years back that I entitled "Fixing Vincent," and although I loved the way I started it, I never enjoyed where it ended up. Like you, I'm an all-my-duckies-in-a-row kind of ready-way-ahead-of-time kind of person. But I think the best stories are the pantser variety that write themselves. You can trust your inner writer.
Comment from BethShelby
This relationship seems to be going really well. I'm surprised her mother has done something to make her uncomfortable aboug seeing Brian. Yes, you can be distracted from feeling pain if you are doing something you enjoy.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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This relationship seems to be going really well. I'm surprised her mother has done something to make her uncomfortable aboug seeing Brian. Yes, you can be distracted from feeling pain if you are doing something you enjoy.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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I agree with that. While writing, I don't even think about my aches and pains. I just need to write all day!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well done. Sounds like a great date.
The 'making out' part... You might want to add a note that considering it was a first date, despite the perfect opportunity, clothing remained intact, hands remaining on the outside. Or not use the term 'making out' since that implies petting.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Well done. Sounds like a great date.
The 'making out' part... You might want to add a note that considering it was a first date, despite the perfect opportunity, clothing remained intact, hands remaining on the outside. Or not use the term 'making out' since that implies petting.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Thanks for the suggestion, Wayne. I never knew the exact meaning of the term and always thought it just meant kissing. I've changed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
driver's ed. - I would spell education out here
"some alone time" could be shortened to "privacy"
First of all, I loved all the dialogue - especially in the first section of this. And Julia taking part in the "simple things in life" is a great thing to read. We all know people who have been sheltered and not led what we would call a normal life.
"Blockbuster" really dates this piece, doesn't it, lol?
The part about not noticing the pain when busy is so true. When I'm busy and have a physical focus, I don't "feel" the back pain; as soon as I'm done with that, I do. I try to stay distracted:-)
I'm not reading most of what's in my inbox these next few weeks, but I enjoy this one too much to quit.
Thanks for a great chapter.
Oh, I wanted to let you know I also submitted something for a Seal of Quality. Four reviews - two thumbs up and two down. The judges who gave me thumbs down told me I was a very good writer, and the nays had more to do with being able to submit to a publisher. I'm self-publishing, so I didn't care. I found the few suggestions very valuable, and was happy overall with the process. Just wanted you to know because you shared your reviews with me.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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driver's ed. - I would spell education out here
"some alone time" could be shortened to "privacy"
First of all, I loved all the dialogue - especially in the first section of this. And Julia taking part in the "simple things in life" is a great thing to read. We all know people who have been sheltered and not led what we would call a normal life.
"Blockbuster" really dates this piece, doesn't it, lol?
The part about not noticing the pain when busy is so true. When I'm busy and have a physical focus, I don't "feel" the back pain; as soon as I'm done with that, I do. I try to stay distracted:-)
I'm not reading most of what's in my inbox these next few weeks, but I enjoy this one too much to quit.
Thanks for a great chapter.
Oh, I wanted to let you know I also submitted something for a Seal of Quality. Four reviews - two thumbs up and two down. The judges who gave me thumbs down told me I was a very good writer, and the nays had more to do with being able to submit to a publisher. I'm self-publishing, so I didn't care. I found the few suggestions very valuable, and was happy overall with the process. Just wanted you to know because you shared your reviews with me.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Thanks for your great review and suggestions, Pam. I'm honored to get those 6 stars from you. I'm with you on the pain thing. I don't notice my aches and pains either when busy writing. That's one advantage it has over golf when I played. If anything, golf made my pain feel worse.
Good for you for submitting your writing for that seal. I wish they wouldn't view everything through the lens of whether a publisher would publish it, but judge it entirely on its own merits. I have a feeling publishers pass on a lot of good stuff because they don't feel it will make them money, but that isn't the best criteria for judging quality. Glad you found the experience helpful, though.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
and the beat goes on with the relations budding a paragraph at a time. IMWTK how did whomever come to the decision that a bowling ball should be sixteen pounds? Not 14.6 or 18.3 just 16lbs. hmm
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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and the beat goes on with the relations budding a paragraph at a time. IMWTK how did whomever come to the decision that a bowling ball should be sixteen pounds? Not 14.6 or 18.3 just 16lbs. hmm
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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I'd love to be inside your mind for a day (no longer than that, though!) and to observe what your inquiring mind thinks about all day. I think it would be a uniquely interesting and mind boggling experience to probe the depths of your brain and the things that fascinate it.
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Yes, and let me add it is a worthwhile day trip, especially if you are a Timothy Leary fan!
Comment from Liliana Tricks
Your writing captures the essence of anticipation and connection beautifully. The intricate details of the characters and their interactions create a sense of depth and authenticity, drawing readers into the unfolding story. The dialogue between Brian and Julia is engaging and reveals a glimpse of their personalities and budding relationship. The way you build tension and curiosity between the characters keeps the reader eagerly turning the pages
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Your writing captures the essence of anticipation and connection beautifully. The intricate details of the characters and their interactions create a sense of depth and authenticity, drawing readers into the unfolding story. The dialogue between Brian and Julia is engaging and reveals a glimpse of their personalities and budding relationship. The way you build tension and curiosity between the characters keeps the reader eagerly turning the pages
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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What a wonderful review, Liliana. Thank you very much. Don't know if you've read any of the previous chapters, but this one provides a marked contrast with the last one. Julia tends to be a nervous wreck at times, mainly because of her mother, and we get to see why in the previous chapter.
Comment from tfawcus
Everything seems to be going well for Brian and Jules at the moment. She had a really good time, tried several things she hadn't ever done before, and got on well with Fran. Let's hope it continues!
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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Everything seems to be going well for Brian and Jules at the moment. She had a really good time, tried several things she hadn't ever done before, and got on well with Fran. Let's hope it continues!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Yep, so far, so good--for now. We'll see if this growing love will be strong enough to weather the bad times you know will be coming.
