Death, Crimes and Misdemeanors A-Z
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Lorelei"Nefarious Deeds
17 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
Well-written and sensual. It would have made a little more impact, though, if we had some inkling of what the punishment he received was karma for. You wouldn't need much, because the story is mainly in the act of karma itself, but just a little bit to justify it.
Other than that, enjoyable, sexy story.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Well-written and sensual. It would have made a little more impact, though, if we had some inkling of what the punishment he received was karma for. You wouldn't need much, because the story is mainly in the act of karma itself, but just a little bit to justify it.
Other than that, enjoyable, sexy story.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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In the second paragraph he said, he could have any woman he wanted, even if they didn't want him. That is called rape. That is a big nono. How did that pass you by? The picture pulled you in didn't it. The voting is today I hope I did okay. But anyhoo it was fun to write. Thanks for the read.
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Yeah, it just didn't strike me that way as rape, but I can be kind of thick sometimes. Maybe it was too subtle for me. Perhaps if it had said, "He would have his way with any woman he wanted, even if they didn't want him," I would have gotten it.
I just read it to my wife, and she didn't see rape in it either, and she is not thick like me. So, I don't know.
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I edited it a bit. All the way through. See what you think.
Karen
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I like this version much better. Good job!
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I thank you for the push. I hadn't wanted to be so crass and open, But, you pointed out that the story required it. It is a much better story now. Thanks. Karen
Comment from BermyBye50
Karen,
Congrats on your win in the The Door Slammed writing contest. Your story is pregnant with brilliantly written word pictures that captivate and hold this reader prisoner with every paragraph an assault on my imagination as to what is coming next. I could not stop to pause for one moment on the journey your story was leading my mind. You're a master writer with extraordinary talent and in my humble opinion have crafted the winning entry in this contest. Its a yes from me.
All the best in the vote,
Eugene
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Karen,
Congrats on your win in the The Door Slammed writing contest. Your story is pregnant with brilliantly written word pictures that captivate and hold this reader prisoner with every paragraph an assault on my imagination as to what is coming next. I could not stop to pause for one moment on the journey your story was leading my mind. You're a master writer with extraordinary talent and in my humble opinion have crafted the winning entry in this contest. Its a yes from me.
All the best in the vote,
Eugene
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Thank you, the voting is today and I hope I did well, but it was fun to write something so different. Thank you for the six. It is very appreciated. This was a departure and I admit I was nervous. Thanks again.
Comment from Earl Corp
It's too bad I don't have a six star left to give you. Fir this story. When your first mentioned the bed covered in plastic I thought the ending might be he woke up with no kidneys. But I like your ending better. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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It's too bad I don't have a six star left to give you. Fir this story. When your first mentioned the bed covered in plastic I thought the ending might be he woke up with no kidneys. But I like your ending better. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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You know now that you mentioned that, I see that could have worked too, but only If they took both!
There are plenty of awful women out there too, but since I am a lady I pick on the men :-)
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Hi Karen. Wow, what a story! He have a good imagination. The story was very, very descriptive. It was surprising towards the end. Well written. That's what that guy gets. I know some other men who deserve this. Good luck in the contest. Love, Brenda
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Hi Karen. Wow, what a story! He have a good imagination. The story was very, very descriptive. It was surprising towards the end. Well written. That's what that guy gets. I know some other men who deserve this. Good luck in the contest. Love, Brenda
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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They say Karma is a bitch. I just brought it to life!
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Whoa! I love it. Great idea making Karma real. Very creative and original. I couldn't figure out where the heck you were going with this lol. Excellent entry for the The Door Slammed writing prompt
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Whoa! I love it. Great idea making Karma real. Very creative and original. I couldn't figure out where the heck you were going with this lol. Excellent entry for the The Door Slammed writing prompt
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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They say Karma is a bitch! So, I brought her to life!
Comment from iDri.Luv.Jesus
Wow, wow, wow, it's a lot to digest! I like how you set your story telling in red ink - it means some seriousness, with a hint of danger. Your photo image is a great choice to match with your story, love it! Also, you story carried the messages across, and it's very intriguing too. Just curious to why you're not put your title Karma
Lorelei in red too? Anyway, great job in the ending point, and I hope to see your story win!
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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Wow, wow, wow, it's a lot to digest! I like how you set your story telling in red ink - it means some seriousness, with a hint of danger. Your photo image is a great choice to match with your story, love it! Also, you story carried the messages across, and it's very intriguing too. Just curious to why you're not put your title Karma
Lorelei in red too? Anyway, great job in the ending point, and I hope to see your story win!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Calling it Karma would have given the story away.
And you are right I used red-brown for danger and careful attention. After all, Galatians 6:7 says : As you sow so shall you reap!
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Lorelei. I hope you are well.
This looks like a good answer for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Oh this poor guy. What a bummer to be raped by six Burley men. I guess if it helps him to get to heaven, it's probably worth it. But it's scary and I don't think God would send down six burley men to rape him for sins That goes against all of His commandments.
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Hi, Lorelei. I hope you are well.
This looks like a good answer for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Oh this poor guy. What a bummer to be raped by six Burley men. I guess if it helps him to get to heaven, it's probably worth it. But it's scary and I don't think God would send down six burley men to rape him for sins That goes against all of His commandments.
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived, God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Early on I let folks know he took women against their will. Turn about is fair play.
Men must not be allowed to hurt women ever.
