Flash Flood in the Desert
a sestet20 total reviews
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Six Line Poem writing prompt. Your poem is very expressive and descriptive. The image you chose adds to the presentation of your piece. A flash flood would be a frightening even to experience as a hiker. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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An excellent entry for the Six Line Poem writing prompt. Your poem is very expressive and descriptive. The image you chose adds to the presentation of your piece. A flash flood would be a frightening even to experience as a hiker. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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I am very pleased I could put you there at the scene of this flash flood. Many thanks for sharing, Marilyn.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and presentation.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A very good comparison of
the wave to a cougar.
-Effective use of the 's' sound
in lines two and three add to
the intensity of the scene.
-Very good closing lines.
-A good entry; good luck!!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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-Nice image and presentation.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A very good comparison of
the wave to a cougar.
-Effective use of the 's' sound
in lines two and three add to
the intensity of the scene.
-Very good closing lines.
-A good entry; good luck!!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, Pam, for reading my poem so closely and for your high praise.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from teafor2
This is great imagery from picture and verbiage...I have seen what scribe
has written more than or once twice...In Tucson, the water come flowing
down the mountains at such a great volume, increasing in speed and moving anything in its path except the staunch walls channelling it to an
area of relief after unbridled energy is spent. No words wasted in this very
descriptive action packed fast paced contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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This is great imagery from picture and verbiage...I have seen what scribe
has written more than or once twice...In Tucson, the water come flowing
down the mountains at such a great volume, increasing in speed and moving anything in its path except the staunch walls channelling it to an
area of relief after unbridled energy is spent. No words wasted in this very
descriptive action packed fast paced contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, teafor2, for your high praise. I can only imagine what it must have been like to witness such a flood through a city like Tucson.
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You are welcome.
Comment from gansach
This is a very good entry for the six-line poem writing prompt competition. Nice photo to illustrate the words, good meter and rhyme. I've been reading about the monsoons in Arizona and how dangerous they can be; your poem certainly conveys the power and danger of a flash flood. Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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This is a very good entry for the six-line poem writing prompt competition. Nice photo to illustrate the words, good meter and rhyme. I've been reading about the monsoons in Arizona and how dangerous they can be; your poem certainly conveys the power and danger of a flash flood. Well done!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you, gansach, for sharing and praising my poem. The thought of witnessing such a flash flood would keep me out of Arizona these days.
Comment from Begin Again
Bravo! Coupled with the awesome picture, your words painted the perfect setting. Using the snarling cougar to represent its fiscious anger was a great thought. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Bravo! Coupled with the awesome picture, your words painted the perfect setting. Using the snarling cougar to represent its fiscious anger was a great thought. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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So pleased I could put you there as that wave storms through. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
This poem has good rhyming and perfect meter except for the last line because toward is too syllables. Once you change that last line. change toward into to or through you will have perfect meter throughout. That's something to be proud of. Were you anywhere near this flash flood?
I used to live in a Sonoran desert in Sierra Vista, Arizona, which is 100 miles southwest of Tucson. Could be southeast too. Tucson was on the other side of the Huachuca mountains. We were near the fort. My dad works there. He was always doing jobs for the defense department.
Here. So, it's the cougar who's lashing at the Sheer cliff right?
You can say. And you keep the meter.
that clawed the sand, sheer cliffs it lashed
"that clawed the sand, at sheer cliffs lashed"
All lines save your last one had eight syllables per line. This one has nine. Toward is two syllables. Why not say through instead of toward. Or roared to meadows
"and roared toward meadows it would maim"
Here did you mean and all within?
"at all within its path took aim"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
This poem has good rhyming and perfect meter except for the last line because toward is too syllables. Once you change that last line. change toward into to or through you will have perfect meter throughout. That's something to be proud of. Were you anywhere near this flash flood?
I used to live in a Sonoran desert in Sierra Vista, Arizona, which is 100 miles southwest of Tucson. Could be southeast too. Tucson was on the other side of the Huachuca mountains. We were near the fort. My dad works there. He was always doing jobs for the defense department.
Here. So, it's the cougar who's lashing at the Sheer cliff right?
You can say. And you keep the meter.
that clawed the sand, sheer cliffs it lashed
"that clawed the sand, at sheer cliffs lashed"
All lines save your last one had eight syllables per line. This one has nine. Toward is two syllables. Why not say through instead of toward. Or roared to meadows
"and roared toward meadows it would maim"
Here did you mean and all within?
"at all within its path took aim"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, Pamusart, for giving my poem such a thorough reading and for your suggestions. TOWARD, in my dictionary, is pronounced both as one syllable and two. I live in the Midwest where it is most commonly pronounced as one syllable rhyming with SWORD.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I think you've done a wonderful job in personifying the horror of a flood. The imagery is so powerful. A wave transformed into a snarling cougar evokes a sense of wildness and ferocity which so well describes water when it is out of control. Your poem captures the raw power of nature in a unique way. Great job!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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I think you've done a wonderful job in personifying the horror of a flood. The imagery is so powerful. A wave transformed into a snarling cougar evokes a sense of wildness and ferocity which so well describes water when it is out of control. Your poem captures the raw power of nature in a unique way. Great job!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much,Michael, for this marvelous review of my poem. You understand so well what I was trying to do.
Comment from Bill Schott
This six-line poem, Flash Flood in the Desert, has the proper formatting and produces the power of the narrow surge that reminds the earth what water can be.
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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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This six-line poem, Flash Flood in the Desert, has the proper formatting and produces the power of the narrow surge that reminds the earth what water can be.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Bill, for sharing and praising my poem.
Comment from Shanbreen
Very well written 6-line poem. Loved the metaphor of the waves being a snarling cougar. The words creating imagery, with the visual by Google images is well done. Best of luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Very well written 6-line poem. Loved the metaphor of the waves being a snarling cougar. The words creating imagery, with the visual by Google images is well done. Best of luck for the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much, Shanbreen, for your high praise of my poem and the six-star bonus. I am especially pleased you love my metaphor.
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You r welcome.
Comment from Lindsey Russell
This is a great poem! It showcases the power of nature. I don't see any revisions needed. It's a great work of art. Thank you for sharing and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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This is a great poem! It showcases the power of nature. I don't see any revisions needed. It's a great work of art. Thank you for sharing and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Wow! Thank you for all the kudos, Lindsey.