Cellphone Troubles
Poem appropriate for middle school.22 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, this is perfect for that age group, Beth. What a great rhyming poem you've written for this contest, and I imagine - with the subject - it will do well in the contest. Good luck!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Well, this is perfect for that age group, Beth. What a great rhyming poem you've written for this contest, and I imagine - with the subject - it will do well in the contest. Good luck!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Pam. I appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Jim Wile
Great poem, Beth. Such wise words for kids who have become obsessed with their phones. So much wasted time takes place on them texting back and forth with friends, watching inane videos, playing mindless games, but doing very little real communicating. And the misuse of social media can be so destructive to young people.
It's no wonder the tech executives don't allow their own kids to spend much time on them. They knew the great potential for abuse.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Great poem, Beth. Such wise words for kids who have become obsessed with their phones. So much wasted time takes place on them texting back and forth with friends, watching inane videos, playing mindless games, but doing very little real communicating. And the misuse of social media can be so destructive to young people.
It's no wonder the tech executives don't allow their own kids to spend much time on them. They knew the great potential for abuse.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Jim. I imagine a lot of us might try a little more dicipline when dealing with cell phones.
Beth
Comment from Rachelle Allen
This is fun. I like the unusual, deliberately inconsistent meter. It keeps it snappy and interesting. And the "message" it evokes - at the kid's expense - is a plus, as well. Cute picture, too, as the cherry on top. Good luck in the Poem for a Child contest!! xoxox
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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This is fun. I like the unusual, deliberately inconsistent meter. It keeps it snappy and interesting. And the "message" it evokes - at the kid's expense - is a plus, as well. Cute picture, too, as the cherry on top. Good luck in the Poem for a Child contest!! xoxox
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you Rachelle, It is a rhythm pattern I like and have used several times, it does have a format. The syllable count is 8-8-11-8-8-11. the rhyme is a-a-b-c-c-b. Three verses and the meter is supposed to be.
da da DUM da da da DUM da
da da DUM da da da DUM da
da da DUM da da da DUM da da da DUM
da da DUM da da da DUM da
da da DUM da da da DUM da
da da DUM da da da DUM da da da DUM
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Thank you for this!! I appreciate the info. xoxo
Comment from royowen
As looking through a child's eyes, this is a great poem about a propensity to be addicted to a cellphone, although we call them mobiles, my son-in-law in Brisbane keeps a watch on the grandsons as to what is watchable or not, a little worried about the other two, well done, great kiddy's poem Beth, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2024
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As looking through a child's eyes, this is a great poem about a propensity to be addicted to a cellphone, although we call them mobiles, my son-in-law in Brisbane keeps a watch on the grandsons as to what is watchable or not, a little worried about the other two, well done, great kiddy's poem Beth, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2024
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Thank you Roy. I think parents let kids have these things too early and don't watch how quickly they get hooked on them.
Beth
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Good job
Comment from Wendy G
I think your poem will be very relevant to many kids and teens, as they face what might be called an addiction. It flows naturally and smoothly, and I do like the illustration. The message is given with humour and self-reflection.
Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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I think your poem will be very relevant to many kids and teens, as they face what might be called an addiction. It flows naturally and smoothly, and I do like the illustration. The message is given with humour and self-reflection.
Well done. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you Wendy. I'd planned on writing some cute for younger children but I saw time was running out I'd already written this one.
Comment from karenina
I'm with Helen on her "The Raven" reference! I couldn't stop giving it that "beat" as I read this...
A great but gentle message to children.
Cell phones may be part of our world now...but not all the time!
Cute image, too!
Karenina
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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I'm with Helen on her "The Raven" reference! I couldn't stop giving it that "beat" as I read this...
A great but gentle message to children.
Cell phones may be part of our world now...but not all the time!
Cute image, too!
Karenina
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you Karenina. The format for this was originated by Phyllis Steward who was an excellent poet on the site until she died in 2017. She admitted it sounded a bit like Poe.
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this, Beth! I heard echoes of Edgar Allan Poe's "Raven" while reading this poem. And your message is very sound and helpful to these kids who are addicted to their cellphones! I worry about our grandkids!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Great job with this, Beth! I heard echoes of Edgar Allan Poe's "Raven" while reading this poem. And your message is very sound and helpful to these kids who are addicted to their cellphones! I worry about our grandkids!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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Thank you, this format was made up by Phyllis Stewart who was an excellent poet on this site for years, but she died in 2017. She admitted the rhythm sounded a bit like Poe.
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I miss Phyllis. I always share her post on limericks whenever anyone is starting to learn that form.
Comment from Lindsey Russell
This poem has a clear message and that's what I love most about it. The rhymes are very inventive and cute. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2024
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This poem has a clear message and that's what I love most about it. The rhymes are very inventive and cute. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2024
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Thank you Lindsey. I appreciate your comments on my poem.
Beth
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a charming, lyrical verse, ideal for children to understand some of the disadvantages and dangers of mobile phones. There is a good passage of thought here as the child gradually recognises for himself that the phone should be used sparingly and other ways of communication may well be better. Well done, Beth, and good luck! Debbie
Still, I guess I mu(st) confess...
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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This is a charming, lyrical verse, ideal for children to understand some of the disadvantages and dangers of mobile phones. There is a good passage of thought here as the child gradually recognises for himself that the phone should be used sparingly and other ways of communication may well be better. Well done, Beth, and good luck! Debbie
Still, I guess I mu(st) confess...
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Debbie
I appreciate the review. I'm glad you liked it. Your comments are encouraging.
Beth
Comment from Shanbreen
I believe this poem is for higher grade students, partly because of the topic and partly because of the words-- combating, for example. Also the language is quite sophisticated: Teacher's trust is slowly mending. All the best for the contest, Beth. The visual is good.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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I believe this poem is for higher grade students, partly because of the topic and partly because of the words-- combating, for example. Also the language is quite sophisticated: Teacher's trust is slowly mending. All the best for the contest, Beth. The visual is good.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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This is true but I remember poems I had to memorise in second grade was full of words I no idea what they meant until I asked. I got a boost with my vocabulary by being curious.
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Would you say you were an outlier? =) My experiences were a bit different. It was more about the gist of the story. But you are right. You know your audience better than I do. The poem was well written.
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lol, Yes, probably. I try to think outside the box. As for as kids having cellphones, to my dismay, my grandchilren played with them at five, and had their own by seven.
