The Woman Who Was a Beach
Tourist meets a local girl14 total reviews
Comment from phill doran
Hello Bruce,
A very good piece indeed. As the ancients have it: do unto others... before they do it unto you.
This is a neatly written work, complete with a sense of place and a strong atmosphere, rounded with a smart twist.
Overall, a very quick-fire story that I am certain you could elaborate on - there's plenty here to develop, if you had the mind to. I think this to be strong writing and it proved to be an engaging read.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
one small nit -
"...fire pits.The air..." (there's a space missing after the full stop)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Hello Bruce,
A very good piece indeed. As the ancients have it: do unto others... before they do it unto you.
This is a neatly written work, complete with a sense of place and a strong atmosphere, rounded with a smart twist.
Overall, a very quick-fire story that I am certain you could elaborate on - there's plenty here to develop, if you had the mind to. I think this to be strong writing and it proved to be an engaging read.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
one small nit -
"...fire pits.The air..." (there's a space missing after the full stop)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the review and for pointing out the space, Phil. For sure, there's room to elaborate more, but then again, isn't there always? I currently enjoy producing stories that are short and concise, treating it as an exercise to learn how to utilize every single word and sentence purposefully. I appreciate your thoughts, though, and they are duly noted.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Well, well Bruce. You out did yourself with this one. I was not expecting this. I enjoyed this tense story about a serial killer with a twist. This was well written with me honestly feeling sorry for the man (even though I knew he was a murderer). You made him very dimensional. A lot of people write a killer as just pure evil. You made him human. That's a nice change. I felt bad for his awkwardness in the beginning. The ending was great with the bright pink toenails. Gretchen
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Well, well Bruce. You out did yourself with this one. I was not expecting this. I enjoyed this tense story about a serial killer with a twist. This was well written with me honestly feeling sorry for the man (even though I knew he was a murderer). You made him very dimensional. A lot of people write a killer as just pure evil. You made him human. That's a nice change. I felt bad for his awkwardness in the beginning. The ending was great with the bright pink toenails. Gretchen
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Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you dearly, Gretchen. I appreciate your thoughts on the protagonist. I'm happy that I managed to humanize him a little, and I'm grateful that you enjoyed it. Sending my love.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I had to smile when you opened your story with food. Of course:-)
I always know I'm going to get something special when I read your work. Here, we have a man consumed with obsessions, from the meat with the "tobacco aftertaste" to the routine of handling his victims in a certain way, to some sort of warped time clock that allows him to do "what I want to do".
I just knew Somsak's sister was no good, but that's because I know how your mind works, Bruce. I would have done the same thing if I'd written this.
I loved your description of the sister as if she were the beach beyond - the face as blinding as the sun, the sand-like texture of her skin, and the pale legs, the color of a bleached beach. It's obvious that your protagonist has found his next victim, as he's so excited he spills his money on the ground and then struggles to even pick it up. He's turned on, but not for the sex.
Just desserts, they call it; and he got his after dinner with one of his own.
Another goody, Bruce. And I love how he has to go to the trouble of drugging his victims first, but she just bashes them in the head.
The only thing wrong with this story is that it ends:-(
xoxo
Pam
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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I had to smile when you opened your story with food. Of course:-)
I always know I'm going to get something special when I read your work. Here, we have a man consumed with obsessions, from the meat with the "tobacco aftertaste" to the routine of handling his victims in a certain way, to some sort of warped time clock that allows him to do "what I want to do".
I just knew Somsak's sister was no good, but that's because I know how your mind works, Bruce. I would have done the same thing if I'd written this.
I loved your description of the sister as if she were the beach beyond - the face as blinding as the sun, the sand-like texture of her skin, and the pale legs, the color of a bleached beach. It's obvious that your protagonist has found his next victim, as he's so excited he spills his money on the ground and then struggles to even pick it up. He's turned on, but not for the sex.
Just desserts, they call it; and he got his after dinner with one of his own.
Another goody, Bruce. And I love how he has to go to the trouble of drugging his victims first, but she just bashes them in the head.
The only thing wrong with this story is that it ends:-(
xoxo
Pam
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you kindly for the six star rating, Pam. I love your note on the bleached beach. I sighed with relief once I read that it's your familiarity with my style rather than obviousness of the plot twist (I have contemplated it for so long but finally decided to push the button). Sending my love and can't wait for your Furious Fiction submission next week! ALSO, CONGRATS ON THE ORDINARY WORLD!!! WELL DESERVED!
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Thanks for the congrats! Yes, I know what's inside your head. Scary, huh?
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
There's a lot to take in here, Bruce, and you deliver with great pace, suspense and excitement. The sights and smells are palpable and your evocative flashbacks of the beach convey another side to this character, a longed-for cleansing of his evil. But the thoughts are blown away just like the notes in the wind as his next potential victim is offered him on a plate. But this time he is the victim with Somsak clearly arranging the kill. As ever, your story captivates within seconds of reading. We're drawn irresistibly into another world and immersed completely by excellent and imaginative prose. Thanks for sharing, Brian. Take care Debbie
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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There's a lot to take in here, Bruce, and you deliver with great pace, suspense and excitement. The sights and smells are palpable and your evocative flashbacks of the beach convey another side to this character, a longed-for cleansing of his evil. But the thoughts are blown away just like the notes in the wind as his next potential victim is offered him on a plate. But this time he is the victim with Somsak clearly arranging the kill. As ever, your story captivates within seconds of reading. We're drawn irresistibly into another world and immersed completely by excellent and imaginative prose. Thanks for sharing, Brian. Take care Debbie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much, Debbie. I always look forward towards your reviews and how masterfully you express your thoughts of the work. I am very grateful for your review. Read it couple of times (as I do with every single one of yours!!!). Sending my love.