DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 5"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
22 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Sounds very scary to me: "with the next topic they were studying--quadratic functions and graphing."
I like how you set the tone for the evening: "I laughed too. This set the tone of the evening, and we laughed quite a lot together." this could be a foreshadowing, hopefully not for a cautionary tale
"I was captivated by this girl." I'm glad you included this It is very very well written & expressed
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2024
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Sounds very scary to me: "with the next topic they were studying--quadratic functions and graphing."
I like how you set the tone for the evening: "I laughed too. This set the tone of the evening, and we laughed quite a lot together." this could be a foreshadowing, hopefully not for a cautionary tale
"I was captivated by this girl." I'm glad you included this It is very very well written & expressed
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Liz.
Oh, the horror! Not quadratic functions!
If it doesn't work out for Brian, it won't be for lack of trying.
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***Sigh***
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh, that is a creepy plan and a mild guess would be that it fails miserably! She's far too classy to tolerate that. I like that additional note from the present day. And, particularly the last sentence which is beautifully expressed and reminds the reader of your prologue and the negative path he will take, albeit not in just one single move. This will be, you infer, a gradual decline. Well done, Jim! Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2024
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Oh, that is a creepy plan and a mild guess would be that it fails miserably! She's far too classy to tolerate that. I like that additional note from the present day. And, particularly the last sentence which is beautifully expressed and reminds the reader of your prologue and the negative path he will take, albeit not in just one single move. This will be, you infer, a gradual decline. Well done, Jim! Take care Debbie
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2024
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Yeah, this plan portends bad things. Even if he does find out who she is seeing, I'm not sure he's thought through what he'll do with that information. Doesn't sound good, does it?
I'm glad that you picked up on that last sentence being his voice from the present when the story actually begins. I'll have one or two more places like that until we get back to the present, set off with italics.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nice writing.
You list this as fiction, yet italicize at the end as if they were true events. Of course it doesn't matter to the story. It's just curious.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Very nice writing.
You list this as fiction, yet italicize at the end as if they were true events. Of course it doesn't matter to the story. It's just curious.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thanks, Wayne. The italicized paragraph was only meant to indicate that he is analyzing things back in the present where the story begins in the Prologue, as opposed to narrating the events of the past as they take place in Part 1.
Not sure it's really necessary to do that, but this paragraph seemed different enough from the rest that I wanted to make the distinction more obvious. There will be one or two more places where I do that.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I think this is excellent, Jim. The scenes with these teens and Brian's thought process are very realistic. Nothing changes when it comes to boys obsessing over girls to the point of hiding in the bushes to spy on them. I'm hoping he doesn't get caught spying on her cause that sure will wreck his chances. Or not. Fran's right - wait a few years and try again.
I'm really enjoying this book, as I've said.
On another subject, did you tell me you're on Medium? I couldn't find you under "Jim Wile" when I looked yesterday. I'm checking it out - not sure if it's the right place for me, but I'm really tired of the high school drama scene here on FS and may be making the jump. Again, not sure.
Have a great week, and keep writing these great chapters.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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I think this is excellent, Jim. The scenes with these teens and Brian's thought process are very realistic. Nothing changes when it comes to boys obsessing over girls to the point of hiding in the bushes to spy on them. I'm hoping he doesn't get caught spying on her cause that sure will wreck his chances. Or not. Fran's right - wait a few years and try again.
I'm really enjoying this book, as I've said.
On another subject, did you tell me you're on Medium? I couldn't find you under "Jim Wile" when I looked yesterday. I'm checking it out - not sure if it's the right place for me, but I'm really tired of the high school drama scene here on FS and may be making the jump. Again, not sure.
Have a great week, and keep writing these great chapters.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much, Pam. You're very kind. I just had to look back at my own youth to know that I too would have done about anything for a girl like that.
I may have told you this already but I went out on a few dates with a really cute girl one summer when I was 15. She normally dated older guys too, but she was here visiting her cousin for a month and away from her hometown a few states away. I'm sure, had she been home, she never would have consented to go out with me, yet we had such fun together and laughed a lot. She was really hot and taught me to french kiss. Woo-hoo!
I was on Medium for a while, but I got so busy here at FS posting my last book and doing other things, that I found I never had any time for it. I never posted anything, just made a few comments on others' pieces, in particular Jay Squires. I'll be sorry to see you go if you do quit FS.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
When you're a teenager a few years does sound like forever but his merging plan to find out who her boyfriend is bodes trouble to come. This reminds me of when my kids were teens. How do we get through those years. LOL
Good chapter, Jim.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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When you're a teenager a few years does sound like forever but his merging plan to find out who her boyfriend is bodes trouble to come. This reminds me of when my kids were teens. How do we get through those years. LOL
Good chapter, Jim.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thanks, Valda. I hope your kids didn't become stalkers like it appears Brian did. Tough time those teenage years, full of doubts and uncertainties. But the passions are certainly there.
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No. No stalkers🤣
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No. No stalkers🤣
Comment from Wendy G
Another very enjoyable (and realistic ) read. She did at least dump him gently. But I hope he doesn't harrass her too much and become like a stalker. I like your down-to-earth writing style, snd the authenticity of Brian's thoughts.
A fine read.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Another very enjoyable (and realistic ) read. She did at least dump him gently. But I hope he doesn't harrass her too much and become like a stalker. I like your down-to-earth writing style, snd the authenticity of Brian's thoughts.
A fine read.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much, Wendy. That was very nice of you to say. This plan to stalk her becomes the bellwether event in which his troubles begin.
Comment from Sallyo
Fran is a nice character, doing her best to see her brother through his teen years. Brian does come over as a bit stalky, but I'll wait and see just how far he plans to take it. After all, being determined is good... right? (Mostly.)
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Fran is a nice character, doing her best to see her brother through his teen years. Brian does come over as a bit stalky, but I'll wait and see just how far he plans to take it. After all, being determined is good... right? (Mostly.)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Yes, mostly, until it turns into an obsession.. That's when it leads to trouble as Brian is soon to find out.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ah, young age with a taste of young love and the first kick in the butt called rejection. I am curious to see if you got a chance a few years later:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Ah, young age with a taste of young love and the first kick in the butt called rejection. I am curious to see if you got a chance a few years later:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hey, Iza, nice to see you here with a review. I hope you'll stay with the story. We're not that far in, so you haven't missed much. If you do decide to stay with it, you may want to consider reading the brief Prologue which will set the context of the story. It takes place in the present, while all of Part 1 will be a reminiscence of his past and what got him to that point. (The italicized paragraph at the end of this post is him talking in the present about this point in the story.)
Comment from tfawcus
Another great chapter, Jim. No glitches. You take us through the gamut of Brian's emotions and leave us with the distinct impression he's about to make a complete fool of himself!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Another great chapter, Jim. No glitches. You take us through the gamut of Brian's emotions and leave us with the distinct impression he's about to make a complete fool of himself!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Tony. This will certainly be a trying time for Brian as he fumbles his way through adolescence.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent writing. I had to double-check to make sure this was fiction, as it sounded convincing enough to be non-fiction. I will watch for more of your story. Nice work.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Excellent writing. I had to double-check to make sure this was fiction, as it sounded convincing enough to be non-fiction. I will watch for more of your story. Nice work.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hey, PBB. I'm so glad you found this story, and I hope you'll continue with it. Thanks so much for your kind remarks. We're not too far in yet, so you haven't missed much. If you do decide to stay with it, you may want to at least read the short Prologue which will give you the proper context of the story. That takes place in the present, while all of Part 1 will show us what leads up to that point, going back to age 12 to begin. He's now 16.