What Brando and I Had in Common
We both got it25 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
well, for Pete's sake, that was a hair raiser! I read it so fast, to see what was going to happen and voila! a surprise!
Very good writing, sir.
And the title, kept the message in suspense. Your character is/was a real psycho, however. You were really convincing. That's nightmare stuff.
Anyway, nice going!
Katharine
think I'll go have a nice, relaxing glass of wine! whew!
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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well, for Pete's sake, that was a hair raiser! I read it so fast, to see what was going to happen and voila! a surprise!
Very good writing, sir.
And the title, kept the message in suspense. Your character is/was a real psycho, however. You were really convincing. That's nightmare stuff.
Anyway, nice going!
Katharine
think I'll go have a nice, relaxing glass of wine! whew!
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you very much, Katharine. Hope you got that wine!
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yep. thanks.
Comment from Sanku
Our society is getting fonder and fonder of trigger happy people .Dying/killing for art's sake would be accepted. the story is well written and gripping especially the ending...
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Our society is getting fonder and fonder of trigger happy people .Dying/killing for art's sake would be accepted. the story is well written and gripping especially the ending...
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Absolutely agree. Thank you for reading.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
The narrative style of the protagonist was very readable. I thought it had great irony. It sounds like what the narrator thought would happen got turned around entirely, and even removing the magazine from the gun did not reverse the outcome. Intriguing story with a bit of a film noir flavor.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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The narrative style of the protagonist was very readable. I thought it had great irony. It sounds like what the narrator thought would happen got turned around entirely, and even removing the magazine from the gun did not reverse the outcome. Intriguing story with a bit of a film noir flavor.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you, Crystie. Very interesting to read that you got the noir vibe - love that.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You have the reader leaning in with this concept:
"The thing is, Brando never even thought about doing what I was about to do. No one did." our dreams and ego take us many places: "That it wasn't just a show. That it was a revolution." this is excellent It shows such great imagination. What classic irony. This has shades of the Alec Baldwin story. Great work A+ work.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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You have the reader leaning in with this concept:
"The thing is, Brando never even thought about doing what I was about to do. No one did." our dreams and ego take us many places: "That it wasn't just a show. That it was a revolution." this is excellent It shows such great imagination. What classic irony. This has shades of the Alec Baldwin story. Great work A+ work.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you very much, Liz.
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A clever presentation
Comment from nomi338
Beware of the cruel hands of fate. The hole we dig to destroy other could very well and is sometimes the hole that catches us up and destroys our very future. We must not dig a hole to bury ourselves in because of ur schemes and devising in search of undeserved fame.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Beware of the cruel hands of fate. The hole we dig to destroy other could very well and is sometimes the hole that catches us up and destroys our very future. We must not dig a hole to bury ourselves in because of ur schemes and devising in search of undeserved fame.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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On point. Thank you for the exceptional rating.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well written and impactful. Dying for your talent isn't what the main character meant, but he figured others could die for his talent. I rather like for the main character to have a name. You could have put it in the headlines. What he did to himself to look like the character he played has been done many times, but he seems surprised the 7-11 girl was not impressed. That was exactly what should have happened, although he didn't get it. Good writing that may be verging on publishable writing in major markets.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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This is very well written and impactful. Dying for your talent isn't what the main character meant, but he figured others could die for his talent. I rather like for the main character to have a name. You could have put it in the headlines. What he did to himself to look like the character he played has been done many times, but he seems surprised the 7-11 girl was not impressed. That was exactly what should have happened, although he didn't get it. Good writing that may be verging on publishable writing in major markets.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you for your kind words, Carol.
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This story is gripping from start to finish. It doesn't hurt that your grammar is solid, either. There were a couple of things that I think you could look at.
1. "Everyday" is one word, so doesn't need a hyphen.
2. 7-11 should be numerals, not words.
3. "He went on acting like that..." stopped me, because he wasn't acting in the sense of being an actor. Maybe "...he went on behaving like that" would be more clear?
I had some confusion about whether he successfully changed the gun back to the prop.
Great work!
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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This story is gripping from start to finish. It doesn't hurt that your grammar is solid, either. There were a couple of things that I think you could look at.
1. "Everyday" is one word, so doesn't need a hyphen.
2. 7-11 should be numerals, not words.
3. "He went on acting like that..." stopped me, because he wasn't acting in the sense of being an actor. Maybe "...he went on behaving like that" would be more clear?
I had some confusion about whether he successfully changed the gun back to the prop.
Great work!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you for the pointers, Sharon. Much, much appreciated.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
One paragraph in, and I'm thinking, "He's baaack!"
"That the positive societal impact outweighs the murder I committed." Bruce, I see society heading into such a dark place. And so many of the crazies who commit violent crimes now have the same delusions of grandeur that your protagonist operates on.
"I was heavenly." or It was heavenly? I don't know, you Brits have a different way of expressing things.
"sound of people walking by" - a suggestion: the sounds of people passing
//// - What are the slashes there for?
breathing-in the synthetic air (you don't need the dash to connect the words)
As I'm reading, I'm remembering that you rarely name your protagonist; here Jack refers to him as "him". I often do that - I think it adds mystery.
"I had thousand of thoughts" - make "thousands"
I'm not sure what to make of the ending. Brett couldn't have planned for it because he didn't know Jack was going to change the scene. The scene with the twenty-something girl . . . was that to alert us that the protagonist wasn't really as great as he thought he was and that he could have possibly screwed up. He hid the magazine inside the pocket of his coat - was the coat worn onstage, or hung in a cloak room where Brett will find it (knowing the plan).
I read the last few paragraphs three times to see if I missed something. Perhaps, like your protagonist's name, it's a mystery.
It's so good to have you back, Bruce. You were sorely missed. As always, your writing is wonderful - you put the reader right there with the narrator. You're using those "five senses" well:-)
Can't wait to read more.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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One paragraph in, and I'm thinking, "He's baaack!"
"That the positive societal impact outweighs the murder I committed." Bruce, I see society heading into such a dark place. And so many of the crazies who commit violent crimes now have the same delusions of grandeur that your protagonist operates on.
"I was heavenly." or It was heavenly? I don't know, you Brits have a different way of expressing things.
"sound of people walking by" - a suggestion: the sounds of people passing
//// - What are the slashes there for?
breathing-in the synthetic air (you don't need the dash to connect the words)
As I'm reading, I'm remembering that you rarely name your protagonist; here Jack refers to him as "him". I often do that - I think it adds mystery.
"I had thousand of thoughts" - make "thousands"
I'm not sure what to make of the ending. Brett couldn't have planned for it because he didn't know Jack was going to change the scene. The scene with the twenty-something girl . . . was that to alert us that the protagonist wasn't really as great as he thought he was and that he could have possibly screwed up. He hid the magazine inside the pocket of his coat - was the coat worn onstage, or hung in a cloak room where Brett will find it (knowing the plan).
I read the last few paragraphs three times to see if I missed something. Perhaps, like your protagonist's name, it's a mystery.
It's so good to have you back, Bruce. You were sorely missed. As always, your writing is wonderful - you put the reader right there with the narrator. You're using those "five senses" well:-)
Can't wait to read more.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you for your notes, Pam, and thanks again for a warm welcome-back.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Your thorough development of the protagonist, including his actions, thoughts, and plans, made this story engaging. Your vivid descriptions, like the faces on the billboard, ignited the reader's imagination. The surprise ending was perfect. This was an overall entertaining read.
Suggestion...be mindful of shifting from past tense to present, especially within the same paragraph.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Your thorough development of the protagonist, including his actions, thoughts, and plans, made this story engaging. Your vivid descriptions, like the faces on the billboard, ignited the reader's imagination. The surprise ending was perfect. This was an overall entertaining read.
Suggestion...be mindful of shifting from past tense to present, especially within the same paragraph.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you kindly for the pointers, LJ.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ooh, now this was tantalizing. I loved the story. I felt the uneasiness of the poor girl at the convenience store. I really think you did an amazing job making the man justify every foul thought as being true to his art. This was a psychological thriller. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Ooh, now this was tantalizing. I loved the story. I felt the uneasiness of the poor girl at the convenience store. I really think you did an amazing job making the man justify every foul thought as being true to his art. This was a psychological thriller. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you very much, Gretchen.
