Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

Hmmm.
I knew a lady named Desiree.
I don't recommend breaking and entering. Or a slug fest where Alan gets arrested. Warren 'might' acquiesce to a threat of legal action if told about the video tape.
Best wishes.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Thanks, Wayne. Good thoughts. Expect something different, though.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Hmph... Ginnie sure was quick to come up with that scheme... maybe she was employed doing that paying her way through nursing school? Just kidding... it was a good ploy.

I'm lot sure about Alan going this trip alone....

Good chapter. Only four to go to get it all wrapped up.


Looking forward to them.

John

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Thanks, John. These last four should be a rather marked change of pace for this story. I hope you enjoy them.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Jim, this was another great chapter. Now they know where Warren is so it's a question of confronting him, which Alan will do.
You do switch to present tense in various places. They need to be changed to past tense. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Thanks, Ulla.

Let me give you my thoughts on present vs past tense and why I wrote it the way I did.

The whole story is written in past tense but is being told in the present as many stories are. Personally, I don't like the sound of stories that exclusively use present tense. (For example: I go into the deli and ask the clerk if I can sample the pastrami. He gives me a slice, and I tell him I'd like a pound. Then I leave the store.)

Stories that are told in the present about the past such as a biography or a memoir should use all past tense. But since Alan is telling the story as if it is happening right now (this being 1985), though using past tense to tell it, it is appropriate to use present tense for those things that persist beyond the moment. For example, you might say:

He walked into the room and saw Betty, who is a real knockout. He went up and talked to her.

She is a knockout not only at that moment but will still be a knockout for some time, therefore, present tense is used for that, even though the sentence is in past tense.

You are probably referring to the following paragraph of my story:

I dove into it and worked steadily until 3:00, when the fellow showed up for the interview. He?s an older gentleman, probably mid-50s, named Andrew Olafsen. He?d been laid off from US Steel in Gary as part of their recent downsizing. He?d been both an electrician and mechanic there, but he said he?s been having a tough time lately finding work at his age. He doesn?t know that much about appliance repair, he told me, but has good practical knowledge of electricity and electrical systems.

He will still be an older gentleman, he is currently having trouble finding a job and this will continue (unless Alan hires him), he will continue to know little about appliance repair until he learns, and he will also continue to have good knowledge of electricity. All those things are continuing actions; they didn't just happen, so present tense seems appropriate to me.

You can write it all in past tense as many writers do, and it's not wrong, but I like to reserve that for things that are over and done with. I've used this approach throughout the novel in many places, and if this is the first time you've noticed it, that shows how natural-sounding it really is. If you look for it, you can see this in a lot of novels.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I do wish Alan/David wouldn't go alone, but I guess he's going to. I do hope he get the hard drive back, but I doubt just asking for it will do the trick. I can't wait to read more.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work. I hope he has a better way than that.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I like how your writing blends elements of everyday life with intriguing plot developments. You have a story that feels both relatable and suspenseful.
Your character development is excellent as you bring both Andrew Olafsen and Ginnie to life with clear personalities and distinct voices. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and believable! Great job.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Thanks very much, Michael. The plot is moving faster now as we approach what I hope will be a satisfying climax to the story. Stay tuned.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Short and sweet, and of course, you had to heighten interest with Desiree Love. So, I suspect if you know there are four chapters remaining that the book is complete... and here I thought it was a W.I.P.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

It was at the beginning, but as with the last book too, I write faster than I post, so I've been done with it for some time now. However, I do quite a bit of final editing before posting each chapter, so in that respect, it still is a work in progress.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

That was a clever ruse on Ginnie's part. But I hope it doesn't end in violence for Alan. A pity he can't get police help to get his own property back. Very well written. Wendy

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 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

Thanks, Wendy. Oh, am I looking forward to the next two chapters!

reply by Wendy G on 29-Apr-2024

So am I!!!

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I love this idea from Ginnie! What an inventive way to prove Warren's living there. And you cleverly build up suspense and anticipation by the end of your chapter. With two brothers there, things may go a little pear-shaped!
Do I recognise that name, Olafsen? I know how you enjoy inserting characters from other stories.
This excellent chapter is helping to bring the threads together as you approach the finale. Very nicely done. Just a couple of edits:
he said he'(d) been having a tough; (That) evening...
Thank you for sharing, Jim. Take care Debbie

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 Comment Written 29-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2024

I like that: pear-shaped.

Thanks very much, Debbie. I hope to liven things up with the next couple of chapters as we wind down towards the end.

I do like inserting characters from other stories, especially Abby, but Olafsen is original to this story.