What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "What We See - Chapter 37"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
19 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Warren is going to be hard to find, even his mother isn't happy with him. I am wondering how Alan/David is going to get the hard drive back. That appears to be challenge.
Only one way to find out: I made a trip there the next day and stopped at a service station where I'd seen a phone booth. (the following day)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Warren is going to be hard to find, even his mother isn't happy with him. I am wondering how Alan/David is going to get the hard drive back. That appears to be challenge.
Only one way to find out: I made a trip there the next day and stopped at a service station where I'd seen a phone booth. (the following day)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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It could be more difficult than he thinks to get that hard drive back. He doesn't have a precise plan in mind because he's not certain what he will find. He figures he can wing it. This might not be such a good idea after all.
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You're probably correct.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is heading in the right direction with the invention but crucial now that Alan find Warren. My favourite and pivotal paragraph is: "I don't know which is worse, people blaming me for things I didn't do..." This gives your excellent story such a resonance of being at the centre of other people's manipulation. Alan has grown in wisdom and maturity throughout these episodes. He will still want to think the best of folk but has learnt a salutary lesson that everyone isn't like him. Well done, Jim. A very well-considered and credible character development. Take care Debbie. PS Ginnie's a bit of a tease though isn't she? She did rather lead him on:)) PPS And of course your title becomes increasingly significant and relevant to Alan's 'journey.'
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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This is heading in the right direction with the invention but crucial now that Alan find Warren. My favourite and pivotal paragraph is: "I don't know which is worse, people blaming me for things I didn't do..." This gives your excellent story such a resonance of being at the centre of other people's manipulation. Alan has grown in wisdom and maturity throughout these episodes. He will still want to think the best of folk but has learnt a salutary lesson that everyone isn't like him. Well done, Jim. A very well-considered and credible character development. Take care Debbie. PS Ginnie's a bit of a tease though isn't she? She did rather lead him on:)) PPS And of course your title becomes increasingly significant and relevant to Alan's 'journey.'
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Gosh, Debbie, you pick up everything I've tried to convey in this story including my favorite line, which is the one you quoted. Yes, Alan is at the center of other people's manipulation, as you so aptly state it, but he's determined to not let them get away with it anymore without putting up a good fight. He's better equipped this time because he's got his family behind him rooting for him, plus he has more to look out for now besides himself. I'm so glad you've picked up on the significance of the title too, which I've actually stated several times throughout the story in various scenarios.
Comment from Jessa kuder
The premise of the book is interesting. I like the story thus far. The language of the book leaves something too be desired. The book is full of unnecessary run-on sentences and lacking in addictives. For example if you were to rework this paragraph with more end marks and adjectives like such;
"Now it would be a waiting game, which could take several months, for this application to be approved, but we got the earliest known date of the invention on the books, and even if someone else seeks another patent request for an equivalent device, mine would be the one granted because it was first in line."
Now it would be a waiting game. It would be an intense couple of months waiting for the patents approval. The only reprieve was that I knew we had the earliest documented invention on the books. Even if someone else seeks a patent request on an equivalent device, my request would considered first."
It is a more comfortable read. Endmarks give the reader time to take a quick break between sentences to process the information.
It is a work in progress but don't give up. The story and premise are solid. With the right editor this book has the potential to be a hit!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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The premise of the book is interesting. I like the story thus far. The language of the book leaves something too be desired. The book is full of unnecessary run-on sentences and lacking in addictives. For example if you were to rework this paragraph with more end marks and adjectives like such;
"Now it would be a waiting game, which could take several months, for this application to be approved, but we got the earliest known date of the invention on the books, and even if someone else seeks another patent request for an equivalent device, mine would be the one granted because it was first in line."
Now it would be a waiting game. It would be an intense couple of months waiting for the patents approval. The only reprieve was that I knew we had the earliest documented invention on the books. Even if someone else seeks a patent request on an equivalent device, my request would considered first."
It is a more comfortable read. Endmarks give the reader time to take a quick break between sentences to process the information.
It is a work in progress but don't give up. The story and premise are solid. With the right editor this book has the potential to be a hit!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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I appreciate this very much. That is a particularly bad paragraph now that I look at it again. That is my tendency, which you pointed out here, to use longer sentences than necessary. Thank you for pointing it out, Jessa.
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Again I absolutely love the premise and I really think it's got a lot of potential I feel like an editor is a very useful tool for us writers there's nothing wrong with utilizing the tools we have
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Keep in mind that not all writers are editors. That's why writers higher editors like I said I promise is good the book is good with a good editor it could possible even hit the best sellers list.
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Thank you very much for your kindness and helpfulness.
Comment from BethShelby
It looks like Warren didn't have a very good home life. She does'nt seem to care about losing both of her children. Unless Warren owed as much money as he got for that device, I would imagine he would go where he could do some high stakes gambling. I'm be anxious to see if Alan finds him.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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It looks like Warren didn't have a very good home life. She does'nt seem to care about losing both of her children. Unless Warren owed as much money as he got for that device, I would imagine he would go where he could do some high stakes gambling. I'm be anxious to see if Alan finds him.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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I think you're right about that. His mother doesn't seem the nurturing type. You reap what you sow.
Comment from BethShelby
It looks like Warren didn't have a very good home life. She does'nt seem to care about losing both of her children. Unless Warren owed as much money as he got for that device, I would imagine he would go where he could do some high stakes gambling. I'm be anxious to see if Alan finds him.
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It looks like Warren didn't have a very good home life. She does'nt seem to care about losing both of her children. Unless Warren owed as much money as he got for that device, I would imagine he would go where he could do some high stakes gambling. I'm be anxious to see if Alan finds him.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was a strong chapter. Your story advances the plot while providing insights into who Alan is. The transition from the celebratory dinner to Alan's steps in pursuing Warren Myers really kept me engaged. The dialogue with Alan feels real. Great job!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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I thought this was a strong chapter. Your story advances the plot while providing insights into who Alan is. The transition from the celebratory dinner to Alan's steps in pursuing Warren Myers really kept me engaged. The dialogue with Alan feels real. Great job!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thanks very much, Michael. Unlike at the beginning of the story when he was blamed for the sexual assault that he never did, he's determined now not to be taken advantage of again, which shows the growth in his character.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Moving right along, Jim!
I especially enjoyed the conversation between Warren's mom and Alan. Subtle and not-so subtle hints as to what kind of a man Warren is and what kind of trouble he has been experiencing lately.
Also enjoyed the ease with which Alan and Ginnie and Tommy relate with one another.
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Moving right along, Jim!
I especially enjoyed the conversation between Warren's mom and Alan. Subtle and not-so subtle hints as to what kind of a man Warren is and what kind of trouble he has been experiencing lately.
Also enjoyed the ease with which Alan and Ginnie and Tommy relate with one another.
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thanks, diane. I guess it's not too surprising Warren stole from Alan, seeing as how he stole from his own mother to pay off his debts. Pretty much a reprobate all around.
Comment from Wendy G
So far so good. But it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack trying to find Warren. And he won't just hand back the stolen property. I fear some sort of crisis is looming. Well written. The story is progressing well and in a realistic way.
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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So far so good. But it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack trying to find Warren. And he won't just hand back the stolen property. I fear some sort of crisis is looming. Well written. The story is progressing well and in a realistic way.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Wendy. You're right; it may not be quite as easy as Alan thinks to get the hard drive back. We shall soon see.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Ho-hum. Not much meat on this bone. It was written with your normal panache and flowed well but only ended with two names being added, and a twist of humor with the annunciations of Mexican food.
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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Ho-hum. Not much meat on this bone. It was written with your normal panache and flowed well but only ended with two names being added, and a twist of humor with the annunciations of Mexican food.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Hey, thanks for the ho-hum. Haven't had one from you in a while. Let's me know I'm on the right track!