Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Willing Hearts Chapter 11 A"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
32 total reviews
Comment from Paul McFarland
Finally a chapter where Sami doesn't get an attitude. Hopefully, I'll start liking this character. It appears that Sami is in great shape. Possibly we will see her put her physical condition to good muse.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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Finally a chapter where Sami doesn't get an attitude. Hopefully, I'll start liking this character. It appears that Sami is in great shape. Possibly we will see her put her physical condition to good muse.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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I think, at least hope, by the end you like Sami. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I love fiction because the writers keep me guessing what's going on in their heads and where the story might go to next. Although I'm most always wrong. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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I love fiction because the writers keep me guessing what's going on in their heads and where the story might go to next. Although I'm most always wrong. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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LOL Before I write, I research, make a timeline, and sketch out chapter. Then I write. Unfortunately, my characters take on a life of their own and it often doesn't turn out like I had planned. My novels are very character driven. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacob1395
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, Barbara and I thought you did an excellent job with the dialogue as per usual. I'm loving seeing the characters develop over the course of the book. An excellent piece.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this chapter, Barbara and I thought you did an excellent job with the dialogue as per usual. I'm loving seeing the characters develop over the course of the book. An excellent piece.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sharon Elwell
I'm hooked into this story, and have only picky things:
For some reason, I'm bothered by sentences that reverse the chronology of events, like "Sami headed toward the kitchen after Jasper had his early morning walk." Seems simpler and more direct to walk Jasper and then head toward the kitchen.
"Noah's eyes met hers along with a frown..." seems awkward.
"Sami, please welcome..." is a phrase usually used for a group that is being asked to applaud. Sounds strange here.
"They began eating, before Galvin said..." no comma necessary.
"Yes, Sir," no capital on "sir."
"I told him since he was shot the spare room's the only..." needs clarification.
"next-in-line" should not be hyphenated, but "in-the-field" type of guy does. Hyphens are necessary when the words are combined to form a single adjective.
"Solitaire" should not be capitalized.
"...continued in silence before, Noah asked..." no comma necessary.
"His eyes started at her feet and ended when his met hers." This sentence seems awkward, but I don't know how to improve it.
Good work!
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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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I'm hooked into this story, and have only picky things:
For some reason, I'm bothered by sentences that reverse the chronology of events, like "Sami headed toward the kitchen after Jasper had his early morning walk." Seems simpler and more direct to walk Jasper and then head toward the kitchen.
"Noah's eyes met hers along with a frown..." seems awkward.
"Sami, please welcome..." is a phrase usually used for a group that is being asked to applaud. Sounds strange here.
"They began eating, before Galvin said..." no comma necessary.
"Yes, Sir," no capital on "sir."
"I told him since he was shot the spare room's the only..." needs clarification.
"next-in-line" should not be hyphenated, but "in-the-field" type of guy does. Hyphens are necessary when the words are combined to form a single adjective.
"Solitaire" should not be capitalized.
"...continued in silence before, Noah asked..." no comma necessary.
"His eyes started at her feet and ended when his met hers." This sentence seems awkward, but I don't know how to improve it.
Good work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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The Jasper sentence, the reason it's like it is so I don't use repetitive phrases, at the beginning of a sentence or the word and for run on sentences. According to my editor, I am correct. I removed the commas. but pretty sure I am going to have reviewers tell me to add them. LOL I dehyphenated next in line and didn't add the hyphen to the next suggestion because it's not required according to the dictionary, Thank you for the help.
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Good thing your editor knows what she's doing!
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I feel she does a pretty good job. We have had a few interesting discussion because if I don't agree I will research it out. I keep editing books by my side. I still mess up on a regular basis.
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Each reader can only tell you how things look to them. After that, you have to decide what to use and what to keep. I hope my take on things helps you, and I'm not offended when it doesn't. I like these characters and this story so far!
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It does. I always appreciate suggestions. It causes me to take another look, if I disagree, I go to my books and check it out. I use numerous books and they often disagree. When that happens, I go with what is most popular. If there's still a question, I'll let my editor worry about it. LOL
Comment from Wendy G
Well done. A fine chapter, and it was an interesting meeting with Baldwin ... a good comparison with a school superintendent. His questioning of the sleeping arrangements was a bit strange and I wondered what he was getting at. But maybe just checking their stories aligned. Well developed chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Well done. A fine chapter, and it was an interesting meeting with Baldwin ... a good comparison with a school superintendent. His questioning of the sleeping arrangements was a bit strange and I wondered what he was getting at. But maybe just checking their stories aligned. Well developed chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review. Things happened here that will be important in future chapters.
Comment from Sanku
Blueberry muffin looks very yummy..I liked the way Noah and baldwin was compared using the school analogy. Not much action in this chapter but I think the introduction of baldwin is significant...
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Blueberry muffin looks very yummy..I liked the way Noah and baldwin was compared using the school analogy. Not much action in this chapter but I think the introduction of baldwin is significant...
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review. Things happened here that will be important in future chapters.
Comment from tfawcus
Not sure what your changes might have been, but the flow seems pretty good to me.
I liked the way you introduced Baldwin using the analogy of a school district superintendent.
He certainly wanted to make sure all the correct procedures had been followed!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Not sure what your changes might have been, but the flow seems pretty good to me.
I liked the way you introduced Baldwin using the analogy of a school district superintendent.
He certainly wanted to make sure all the correct procedures had been followed!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Changed some action order. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
You did good, today. No spags at all. As usual, a very good read. Nice to meet their boss. Keep it all coming. I guess we might see some romance with Sami and Noah eventually.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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You did good, today. No spags at all. As usual, a very good read. Nice to meet their boss. Keep it all coming. I guess we might see some romance with Sami and Noah eventually.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Teri7
Barbara, This was another great chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive words and very nice dialogue. I am looking forward to the next part you do! love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Barbara, This was another great chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive words and very nice dialogue. I am looking forward to the next part you do! love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from FurryBunny
This chapter explores character relationships, especially between Sami, Noah, and Chief Galvin Baldwin. Engaging dialogue reveals their personalities and motivations, with Sami's workout routine providing insight into her character. Some scene transitions could be smoother for better narrative flow. Overall, the chapter sets the stage for future plot developments.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This chapter explores character relationships, especially between Sami, Noah, and Chief Galvin Baldwin. Engaging dialogue reveals their personalities and motivations, with Sami's workout routine providing insight into her character. Some scene transitions could be smoother for better narrative flow. Overall, the chapter sets the stage for future plot developments.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
