Sun, Sea And...
Surely it is noisier than normal26 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
What a terrific premise! You got right into setting the stage: water's edge, lot of shouting, hot, hot, hot. Then you made us immediately wonder what was amiss: why was everyone running AWAY from the refreshment of the water?
The ending, though, didn't do it justice - this being my unsolicited opinion, though, of course. (with the potential of it being worth exactly what you paid me for it, keep in mind...xo) But I'm thinking you made the danger seem a bit too "removed" from us with the words "out at sea." If you want to scare me, tell me "Danger's within reach." or "Danger's upon us!" or "Am I next?!" or even "My life's flashing!!" Something that makes it seem urgent, and imminent.
It did make my heart race, though. And I love the pic you found to enhance your story! Well done and good luck in the contest! xo
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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What a terrific premise! You got right into setting the stage: water's edge, lot of shouting, hot, hot, hot. Then you made us immediately wonder what was amiss: why was everyone running AWAY from the refreshment of the water?
The ending, though, didn't do it justice - this being my unsolicited opinion, though, of course. (with the potential of it being worth exactly what you paid me for it, keep in mind...xo) But I'm thinking you made the danger seem a bit too "removed" from us with the words "out at sea." If you want to scare me, tell me "Danger's within reach." or "Danger's upon us!" or "Am I next?!" or even "My life's flashing!!" Something that makes it seem urgent, and imminent.
It did make my heart race, though. And I love the pic you found to enhance your story! Well done and good luck in the contest! xo
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thanks for reading and for the suggestions. I have been away from writing for a while due to a lot of personal loss and am only just starting to write again. I really appreciate the time you took in writing your comment.
Comment from gramalot8
You have a great entry for this contest .
I definitely was caught up in your story. I love the beach and was thinking Sun, Sea, and Surf... not expecting to read ... and Shark! instead.
Great job and thanks for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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You have a great entry for this contest .
I definitely was caught up in your story. I love the beach and was thinking Sun, Sea, and Surf... not expecting to read ... and Shark! instead.
Great job and thanks for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Begin Again
We just spent a weekend at the beach, and my great-granddaughters didn't think it was possible for a shark to come to the beach.... they are so wrong. Safety first has to be taught for sure. Good luck!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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We just spent a weekend at the beach, and my great-granddaughters didn't think it was possible for a shark to come to the beach.... they are so wrong. Safety first has to be taught for sure. Good luck!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You successfully told this story of panic on the shore as as a surfboard shattered by sharks washes up on the beach. Well told and good luck in the contest.
Cheers
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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You successfully told this story of panic on the shore as as a surfboard shattered by sharks washes up on the beach. Well told and good luck in the contest.
Cheers
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thanks.
Comment from tempeste
Sun, sea, and sharks.
We humans think everything belongs to us. The sea is not our personal playground nor our natural habitat, we are the intruders not the sharks.
Entering the turf of sea creatures like sharks, stonefish, sea snakes,
blue-ringed octopus, lionfish, is dangerous and could be fatal.
An interesting topic.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Sun, sea, and sharks.
We humans think everything belongs to us. The sea is not our personal playground nor our natural habitat, we are the intruders not the sharks.
Entering the turf of sea creatures like sharks, stonefish, sea snakes,
blue-ringed octopus, lionfish, is dangerous and could be fatal.
An interesting topic.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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I agree with you 100 per cent. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You've taken me back to the weekend that Jaws the movie was released on the same day I witnessed a girl get bitten by a shark at Daytona Beach, Florida. Great job! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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You've taken me back to the weekend that Jaws the movie was released on the same day I witnessed a girl get bitten by a shark at Daytona Beach, Florida. Great job! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much!
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did it! This is a complete story with a bit of suspense as the reader wonders why people are screaming and running. You chose the perfect artwork as it intensifies the plot of your story. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
sharks teeth (should be shark's teeth)
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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You did it! This is a complete story with a bit of suspense as the reader wonders why people are screaming and running. You chose the perfect artwork as it intensifies the plot of your story. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
sharks teeth (should be shark's teeth)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thanks!
Comment from jmdg1954
Author...
My hair on my neck went up when I read your twist at the end - A surf board shattered by sharks teeth provides the answer. Danger's out at sea.
This is good entry into the contest and should do well.
Best of luck.
John
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Author...
My hair on my neck went up when I read your twist at the end - A surf board shattered by sharks teeth provides the answer. Danger's out at sea.
This is good entry into the contest and should do well.
Best of luck.
John
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for the encouragement.
Comment from Mark Jackson
Well yes I think I would be running. Very good difficult to write anything with so few words. I am left wondering did you get to 48 and then think...hot... hot. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Well yes I think I would be running. Very good difficult to write anything with so few words. I am left wondering did you get to 48 and then think...hot... hot. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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No, not at all. The 'hot... hot.' was in my first draft. I did think of cutting that but I really wanted to emphasise how warm it was.
Thank you for the review.
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It works, I was just wondering what came first so to speak.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
It's not easy to tell a story using only fifty words, but you have done just that and completed it successfully. A good entry for the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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It's not easy to tell a story using only fifty words, but you have done just that and completed it successfully. A good entry for the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
