The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Unwilling Heir - Chap 6"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
16 total reviews
Comment from karenina
What a fun and interesting chapter! I feel like we need a "To Tell The Truth" moment ~~ will the REAL ghosts please stand up!?
Every time I think I've got a handle on it, you (cleverly) leave enough breadcrumbs for me to venture down another path.
Excellent description throughout and you're "showing" much more than "telling" which engages my senses and makes me eager for the next chapter.
Awesome!
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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What a fun and interesting chapter! I feel like we need a "To Tell The Truth" moment ~~ will the REAL ghosts please stand up!?
Every time I think I've got a handle on it, you (cleverly) leave enough breadcrumbs for me to venture down another path.
Excellent description throughout and you're "showing" much more than "telling" which engages my senses and makes me eager for the next chapter.
Awesome!
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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I believe you are right! I'm writing the next chapter and either that one or the next will tell what's happening... and set the stage for solving the crimes. Does that mean I am a show-off? LOL Probably am...better than getting in trouble for mouthing off. Just joking!!
Love you, and I hope your weekend is going well.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I hope the weather there has warmed up. Have a Margarita for me!
:)
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It's 78 degrees and the sun is shining. We are still at Carissa's place because she was very sick yesterday, but today she is better so we are going tomorrow morning. I will drink a toast to you as the waves rolling in.
Love ya, Carol
PS... means I have writing time today!
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Woo hoo! Good weather and another chapter!
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is delicious, with lots of suspense and a bit spooky. I was enjoying the men's conversation at the bottom of the steps, when dear, concerned but meddlesome Lorrie pops in and ushers Sandra back to bed. She seems to not only be the housekeeper, but also the one who keeps Sandra under control when Sandra is at the mansion. I'm also loving all the detailed descriptions. Way to go, Carol!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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This story is delicious, with lots of suspense and a bit spooky. I was enjoying the men's conversation at the bottom of the steps, when dear, concerned but meddlesome Lorrie pops in and ushers Sandra back to bed. She seems to not only be the housekeeper, but also the one who keeps Sandra under control when Sandra is at the mansion. I'm also loving all the detailed descriptions. Way to go, Carol!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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You figured our Lorrie out very well. I believe in the next chapter or the one after all is going to be revealed and then the fun begins...I hope. Glad you are enjoying!
Smiles and hugs!
Carol
Comment from Esther Brown
Enjoying the story. I had two questions: Pay no, never mind? Not sure how that would be written but it jarred my thoughts off track for a second. The other one was Lorrie mentioning the screaming. It does not mention Sandra screaming when Lorrie found her eavesdropping. When you transitioned into the men talking and used names I got confused. Do you want the reader to know the names? I can't keep straight in my mind who is dead. I have to go back and read the first part again. Esther
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Enjoying the story. I had two questions: Pay no, never mind? Not sure how that would be written but it jarred my thoughts off track for a second. The other one was Lorrie mentioning the screaming. It does not mention Sandra screaming when Lorrie found her eavesdropping. When you transitioned into the men talking and used names I got confused. Do you want the reader to know the names? I can't keep straight in my mind who is dead. I have to go back and read the first part again. Esther
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Pay no mind is just the way the English housekeeper speaks.... and you were right when I was editing I left out the scream...it's fixed. Right now, the reader believes that the three men are ghosts and James and Lorrie are not. Sorry for the confusion. It's all about to be explained in the upcoming chapter.
Have a great weekend. Smiles, Carol
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Ahhhhh....I get it. Or think I do. Serves me right for not reading all of the chapters at once.
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Hope I helped.
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Yep.
Comment from hullabaloo22
Wow! This was such an impressive read. I came across the chapter in Up Next reviewing and was not familiar with the story. Including the end of the previous chapter was very thoughtful, as was the list of characters at the end.
The chapter itself was skill fully done. I loved the cemetery scene and the eavesdropping. You did a fantastic job of building up the tension by showing how things just weren't right.
A final thought: The use of different font sizes and the occasional change of text color was a brilliant way to engage the reader's attention.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Wow! This was such an impressive read. I came across the chapter in Up Next reviewing and was not familiar with the story. Including the end of the previous chapter was very thoughtful, as was the list of characters at the end.
The chapter itself was skill fully done. I loved the cemetery scene and the eavesdropping. You did a fantastic job of building up the tension by showing how things just weren't right.
A final thought: The use of different font sizes and the occasional change of text color was a brilliant way to engage the reader's attention.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Hello! Thank you for stopping by to read this chapter and I hope that you will continue to follow the story. I see that you are new to FS this month so please let me welcome you. I hope you find it an enjoyable place to write and read as well.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
I'm enjoying your story immensely. You may not have written supernatural before, but I can't tell by reading this novel. It is the kind of writing I love to read. Keep up the good work.
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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I'm enjoying your story immensely. You may not have written supernatural before, but I can't tell by reading this novel. It is the kind of writing I love to read. Keep up the good work.
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Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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You are so kind, April. I truly appreciate the kindness. I've been terrified with this story and it's about to deepen further with the ghosts. Let me know if it sounds off, please.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
And the plot thickens. This story just gets better and better. I do like it.
The Judge questioned her. "Lights? (her,)
The Judge gave Sandra directions. "Follow (directions,)
Lorrie continued to fuss. "If you change your mind (fuss,)
Some has already threatened her." (Someone???)
James intervened. "We need to calm down. (intervened,)
Her guest continued to clamor about what she'd overheard. "Lorrie, (overheard,)
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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And the plot thickens. This story just gets better and better. I do like it.
The Judge questioned her. "Lights? (her,)
The Judge gave Sandra directions. "Follow (directions,)
Lorrie continued to fuss. "If you change your mind (fuss,)
Some has already threatened her." (Someone???)
James intervened. "We need to calm down. (intervened,)
Her guest continued to clamor about what she'd overheard. "Lorrie, (overheard,)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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You'd think grammerly would get these things straight.... because I sure can't. Without you, I'd be lost. Thank you as always. I'll owe you another nominations in a few days.
Thanks so much. Everyone is sleeping in so I got a chance to write. Glad you still find it interesting.
Enjoy your weekend and HAPPY EASTER!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I'm not worried about it. LOL
