Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Sorcerer's Hut"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
19 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Another enjoyable chapter Rhonda. Sci-Fi isn't my genre, but you have managed to draw me in with the magic of your story and the quest they share. I worry if the Old Sorcerer will remain on Theo's side, but he helped and Theo seemed to like him, so we wait and see. Well done.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Another enjoyable chapter Rhonda. Sci-Fi isn't my genre, but you have managed to draw me in with the magic of your story and the quest they share. I worry if the Old Sorcerer will remain on Theo's side, but he helped and Theo seemed to like him, so we wait and see. Well done.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Hi Carol, thank you for going outside your comfort zone to review. That's a blessing. I appreciate your time and effort. Best of luck in your own chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Thank you, Rhonda. I wrapped up my book a few days ago, but I appreciate your thoughts. Already toying with another idea. The writer bug has bitten. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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I get very behind on this site. I have trouble keeping up with multiple posts. I've done two this week, and my head hurts, lol.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I so wish I had a six left. This post needs a six, well, actually a lot of sixes. This is one of the best stories on FanStory, right now and I don't normally enjoy reading sci-fi, but this is wonderful. I can't wait to read more.
Our valleys are about to be attacked by your former master and I seek a way to defeat him. (comma needed before 'and' because you switched subjects)
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I so wish I had a six left. This post needs a six, well, actually a lot of sixes. This is one of the best stories on FanStory, right now and I don't normally enjoy reading sci-fi, but this is wonderful. I can't wait to read more.
Our valleys are about to be attacked by your former master and I seek a way to defeat him. (comma needed before 'and' because you switched subjects)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Hi Barbara, thank you so very much for the virtual six. That means a lot coming from you!! I also appreciate your help with the commas. I struggle with knowing when and where.
Thank you for coming our of your genre to help me improve!!
Take care,
Rhonda
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I struggle with them too. I only get the obvious ones right and I get corrected often in my posts.
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I'm glad I'm not the only one!!
Comment from nomi338
This epic tale would play out well as a limited series in my opinion. I know that I would watch it, I have adult children and adult grand children and I am convinced based on their viewing habits that they would absolutely adore this story.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This epic tale would play out well as a limited series in my opinion. I know that I would watch it, I have adult children and adult grand children and I am convinced based on their viewing habits that they would absolutely adore this story.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Awww, that is so sweet. It is aimed at young adults, as are all my fantasy books. I teach high school and so try to target that age group. As a result, I try to hit the child inside us all.
Thanks for your very encouraging review,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Rhonda, this is a magical read and one of the best I've read from you! The dialogue is superb and it was a good idea to move to the common language because there was a lot of information to impart. Your plot is clearly expressed with reminders of essential background details and your two characters here are beautifully portrayed, endearing themselves to the reader because they both want something much more precious than material possessions. You've left the chapter on a hook for Theo to decide the best and most seductive gift to take to the twins. I regret not having anything more to award you for this because I'm very, very impressed. Well done! Debbie xo
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Rhonda, this is a magical read and one of the best I've read from you! The dialogue is superb and it was a good idea to move to the common language because there was a lot of information to impart. Your plot is clearly expressed with reminders of essential background details and your two characters here are beautifully portrayed, endearing themselves to the reader because they both want something much more precious than material possessions. You've left the chapter on a hook for Theo to decide the best and most seductive gift to take to the twins. I regret not having anything more to award you for this because I'm very, very impressed. Well done! Debbie xo
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Debbie, your comments are worth all the stars one could give. I know it's late in the week, but I could never get the chapter right where I wanted it until late last night.
I appreciate what you said, and I'm touched, truly!
Theo will come up with something he thinks they will want, but they'll ask for something else. He still struggles with the idea of materialism, and will find the gods or the above gods, have no need of such things.
Thanks again,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Daylily
Talk about a gorgeous hunk! -- It is a good thing that people of accumulated wisdom are still able to appreciate such a welcome sight the moment it appears. :0)
Meanwhile, the story progresses beautifully. I did read somewhere, but cannot remember where, that doubled descriptions no longer require a comma between them, as in:
Climbing on the back of the great, roan stallion, he headed towards the.....
Do whatever you want, I am just glad you mentioned Theo's stunning horse again. And I am sorry my sixes are all gone and I cannot place one on your newest exciting chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Talk about a gorgeous hunk! -- It is a good thing that people of accumulated wisdom are still able to appreciate such a welcome sight the moment it appears. :0)
Meanwhile, the story progresses beautifully. I did read somewhere, but cannot remember where, that doubled descriptions no longer require a comma between them, as in:
Climbing on the back of the great, roan stallion, he headed towards the.....
Do whatever you want, I am just glad you mentioned Theo's stunning horse again. And I am sorry my sixes are all gone and I cannot place one on your newest exciting chapter.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Hi Lily!!
Thank you for the virtual 6. I understand it is very late in the week, I just kept revising and changing course until i got it where I wanted it.
Thank you for bringing up the comma placement. I used to not put them for the doubled descriptions, but then someone called me out on it, so I try to remember to do it. I'll have to look up the rule, because it's not natural for me to put them it.
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Sally Law
Rhonda dear,
Fabulous, yet again!! Wow, wow, and wow! I'm a little wary of the old magician though. Bartering for a position in the King's council will prove to be problematic in any world. The new characters, Hypnos and Thanatos, add interest, and as we suspect, they can lull strong warriors to sleep, possibly eternally. It's cooking up to be quite a fight for Concorde Valley. I'm awake, fully invested in this wonderful book.
You continue to outdo yourself, my friend! FanStory Fantastic!
Sending you my best today as always, and love across the bridge.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Rhonda dear,
Fabulous, yet again!! Wow, wow, and wow! I'm a little wary of the old magician though. Bartering for a position in the King's council will prove to be problematic in any world. The new characters, Hypnos and Thanatos, add interest, and as we suspect, they can lull strong warriors to sleep, possibly eternally. It's cooking up to be quite a fight for Concorde Valley. I'm awake, fully invested in this wonderful book.
You continue to outdo yourself, my friend! FanStory Fantastic!
Sending you my best today as always, and love across the bridge.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Sally, you are so very sweet. Thank you for that late week 6!! How special to still get one this late.
All of your words encourage me! Last night, I had made some revisions that didn't save, which discouraged me, so, well past my bedtime, I gave up and posted as is. I'm so glad it still made sense!!
The characters will keep aligning until the final moment of conflict. They are trying to think outside the box, which Theo is exceptionally good at, and why he was chosen by the gods to do this mission.
Thanks again!! Much love always!!
Rhonda
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Most welcome! My sincere pleasure. I am spoiled having two chapters in one week. Spoiled, I tell you! Theo certainly is good looking too. I'm delighted to be a part of the hunk search. Blessing abundant, my friend.
Sal XOs
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And what a hunk he turned out to be!!!! Good call on that one, for sure.
Thank you for the review and blessings. Blessings and prayers back at you!!
Much love,
Rhonda
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Yes he is! Of course I'm old enough to be his Grammy. Hahaha! Great chapter, my friend!
Love ya!
Sal xoxo
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As an Immortal, he'll keep that boyish look, lol. Old Hermes is quite a looker and you know how old he is, lol.
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I know! I can hardly wait until heaven! Being in Concorde Valley gives me a little tast of immortality.
Love ya!
Sal Xoxo
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Awww, what a lovely thought, dear lady!
Much love across the bridge!
Rhonda
Comment from Natureschild
I enjoyed reading this chapter but I feel it needs a little bit of work.
"...Hades, a god who had once ruled Carack."
There is no need to repeat facts mentioned in past chapters.
"...standing in your father's place ..."
This is confusing, should it be "brother's"?
"...I'm not free to choose his councilors."
I feel that Theo's character is insincere because he makes promises that he may not be able to keep.
That said, I loved the dialogue.
I hope you find this constructive from my point of view.
Terry
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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I enjoyed reading this chapter but I feel it needs a little bit of work.
"...Hades, a god who had once ruled Carack."
There is no need to repeat facts mentioned in past chapters.
"...standing in your father's place ..."
This is confusing, should it be "brother's"?
"...I'm not free to choose his councilors."
I feel that Theo's character is insincere because he makes promises that he may not be able to keep.
That said, I loved the dialogue.
I hope you find this constructive from my point of view.
Terry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Hi Terry,
Thank you for your review and perspective. I know the repetition isn't good, and only do so for the sake of his site because there is often weeks between my posts. I will eliminate it before publishing. Good eye for it.
Theo is very young, and lacks a bit of confidence, but when faced with an ultimatum, he goes ahead and makes an executive decision, hoping for a good outcome.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Thank you for the explanation. I hope you understand I can only review what I see and read. Hope you were not offended. Terry
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Not at all, just trying to answer your questions. I appreciate the review!!
Comment from royowen
Theo makes a deal with the elderly Mageia, who some information that will help Theo with his quest, just love all these creatures Rhonda, I think you're on a winner here Rhonda well done, great post blrssings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Theo makes a deal with the elderly Mageia, who some information that will help Theo with his quest, just love all these creatures Rhonda, I think you're on a winner here Rhonda well done, great post blrssings Roy
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Roy, thank you for the review and the vote of confidence!! I try to keep my characters human-like, but otherworldly at the same time. I also try to reflect a Christian POV and symbolism.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think Mageia can be whoever he wants, and look as good or bad as he wants. Theo found himself warming to the old sorcerer, so we know there is good in him. But, Theo has a long, difficult and dangerous road to travel now. This is another excellent chapter in your book, Rhonda, and I'm really enjoying it. Well done! Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I think Mageia can be whoever he wants, and look as good or bad as he wants. Theo found himself warming to the old sorcerer, so we know there is good in him. But, Theo has a long, difficult and dangerous road to travel now. This is another excellent chapter in your book, Rhonda, and I'm really enjoying it. Well done! Warmest hugs, Sandra xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Hi Sandra, thanks for your third review in two days. You're awesome!!
You're right on Mageia. He did come across as a sympathetic character, and he isn't always the same, but he's a friend of Georgios, so maybe an okay guy?? Remains to be seen.
Theo does have a long journey ahead, and at a time he wants to be close to the ones he loves.
Hugs,
Rhonda