What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "What We See - Chapter 13"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
20 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
I wasn't expecting anything like this. You really know how to add fuel to a fire. When Ginny finds out about this, she will want to know how Alan knew the girl. He doesn't seem like the type of person who will lie. You've turned up the flames. I'll wait to see who gets burnt.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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I wasn't expecting anything like this. You really know how to add fuel to a fire. When Ginny finds out about this, she will want to know how Alan knew the girl. He doesn't seem like the type of person who will lie. You've turned up the flames. I'll wait to see who gets burnt.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Very good, Lorraine. You know the stakes here. I'll tell you right now--Ginnie will find out about this, and it won't be pretty!
I've achieved the desired effect!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, when you said there was going to be action, you weren't kidding, Jim! I felt every pound of that stomping on her belly and was so relieved that Alan arrived in time, like an action hero, and gave that obnoxious boy what was due! I then worried that Alan might be suspected of being the culprit but that doesn't seem to be the case. But trouble has got a bit too close for comfort for Alan and I get the impression this is going to snowball perhaps. An excellent chapter, well written with great pace. In relation to Archie - "I was just about to call (for) him" - perhaps without the 'for?' Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Oh wow, when you said there was going to be action, you weren't kidding, Jim! I felt every pound of that stomping on her belly and was so relieved that Alan arrived in time, like an action hero, and gave that obnoxious boy what was due! I then worried that Alan might be suspected of being the culprit but that doesn't seem to be the case. But trouble has got a bit too close for comfort for Alan and I get the impression this is going to snowball perhaps. An excellent chapter, well written with great pace. In relation to Archie - "I was just about to call (for) him" - perhaps without the 'for?' Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks so much, Debbie. We begin to get some answers now about the incident at the beginning of the story. Pretty soon it will all make sense, but your instincts are good about snowballing.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You sneaky sneak, now you are going to tell me that Tina's mother forced her to report him and it was all her idea. Don't answer, I will just keep reading. You said you would surprise me and you did. Good sneaky work. Karen :-)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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You sneaky sneak, now you are going to tell me that Tina's mother forced her to report him and it was all her idea. Don't answer, I will just keep reading. You said you would surprise me and you did. Good sneaky work. Karen :-)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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The surprise isn't over yet. Still more to come. Glad you're enjoying it, Karen.
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oh, I am. You write, I'll read. Karen :-)
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Wow, who would have expected these turns of events. I thought he moved to another town, and Tina ends up over the fence of his backyard? Sort of a stretch but it is your story, and you have my attention.
Is Tina still going to claim Alan as in the past? That Alan is the father?
I feel I am reading a Bold and Beautiful script.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Wow, who would have expected these turns of events. I thought he moved to another town, and Tina ends up over the fence of his backyard? Sort of a stretch but it is your story, and you have my attention.
Is Tina still going to claim Alan as in the past? That Alan is the father?
I feel I am reading a Bold and Beautiful script.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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I was hoping to catch everyone by surprise. Further surprises in store as the whole plot is revealed. It won't be quite what you're thinking, though.
Comment from royowen
Ah I suspect this is a great solution to the dirt that forced David Phelp to escape the toxicity that was were he taught, not that anyone once accused can completely clear their names, but it will confirm with he supporters what thry already beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Ah I suspect this is a great solution to the dirt that forced David Phelp to escape the toxicity that was were he taught, not that anyone once accused can completely clear their names, but it will confirm with he supporters what thry already beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Roy. Yeah, but we haven't come to the full explanation yet. Soon enough we'll find out the whole story.
Comment from Julie Lau
Wow, that's an interesting development! Will Alan now get his old life back? Does he want it? Where is Archie? Has he been neutered? Taylor Swift is out here and the nights are full of rainstorms but I think the fans don't care. I've knocked back one publisher, Atmosphere Press, who want me to make a monetary contribution. No thanks.
Cheers, Julie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Wow, that's an interesting development! Will Alan now get his old life back? Does he want it? Where is Archie? Has he been neutered? Taylor Swift is out here and the nights are full of rainstorms but I think the fans don't care. I've knocked back one publisher, Atmosphere Press, who want me to make a monetary contribution. No thanks.
Cheers, Julie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Oh, my, I'd forgotten about Taylor Swift! Fortunately, she wasn't born until '89! We're safe for a while. :)
Yeah, don't get sucked in by those "hybrid" publishers who will publish just about anything as long as you pay for it. You should never have to pay a publisher, but should instead earn an advance.
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Thanks, Jim , for your feedback. Yes, I self-published that little book I sent you, spent lots of time going around local shops and reciting at various gatherings to sell books. And I still have hundreds of them! I was younger and much more energetic then. No more! Julie
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I have sent queries to some of those hybrid publishers who claim to offer both regular contracts where they pay for everything as well as hybrid contracts where you pay for everything they will provide (editing, marketing, etc.) What they don't tell you is that they won't offer the regular kind of contract if this is your first book with them, but only after you've had a hybrid contract with them. These outfits probably make 95% of their revenue from the sale of their services and not their book sales.
I once purchased a golf novel on their website, and it was just awful. Aside from the story being very amateurish, the editing was terrible too. The dialog was so stilted because there were no contractions in the characters' speech.
Beyond anything else, this convinced me to steer clear of these companies.
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Yes, I had a similar experience with a book a friend of Sven's wrote. The dialogue was as if they had written it down and were reading it out. Now he's offered to help me publish!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Woah, Jim,
That was a "nail-biter" of a chapter!
Very well written with logical development of plot and action as well as dialogue.
It's also contains a hopeful ending as well.
Pieces are coming together... I like that!
Much enjoyed, Jim,
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Woah, Jim,
That was a "nail-biter" of a chapter!
Very well written with logical development of plot and action as well as dialogue.
It's also contains a hopeful ending as well.
Pieces are coming together... I like that!
Much enjoyed, Jim,
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Glad it took you by surprise and stirred things up a bit, diane. We still haven't quite gotten the whole story, but it's coming soon. Thanks so much for your nice comments.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Luckily, I wasn't eating sunflower seeds when I read this. It's all starting to come together. Will David/Alan be in any trouble for being close to Tina? I hope Tina finally states the truth. We all know who the bad guy is. I am wondering about Ginie. How will this affect her. Too many questions. I do like this story.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Luckily, I wasn't eating sunflower seeds when I read this. It's all starting to come together. Will David/Alan be in any trouble for being close to Tina? I hope Tina finally states the truth. We all know who the bad guy is. I am wondering about Ginie. How will this affect her. Too many questions. I do like this story.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Ha-ha! All good questions which will be answered in due course.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well now. What do you think of that? I guess she says "sorry" and all is forgiven? "Oh, and thanks for saving my life. Sorry I ruint yours."
As you can tell, I might hold a grudge a bit longer than healthy.
Best wishes.
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Well now. What do you think of that? I guess she says "sorry" and all is forgiven? "Oh, and thanks for saving my life. Sorry I ruint yours."
As you can tell, I might hold a grudge a bit longer than healthy.
Best wishes.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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It's understandable. He certainly doesn't forgive her, at least not yet, but he's still willing to help her. He understands that she's just a dumb 16-year-old kid. Hopefully she will have learned something from this. If not, there's little hope for her.
Comment from tfawcus
It looks as if this is going to put David/Alan in the clear at last, although maybe it is too late to reinstate him in his old job. His actions oncoming upon the assault are most believable and the writing flows well.
One or two places where you might look at showing rather than telling. eg It's not easy to climb a chain link fence, so this took me some time. Maybe have him lose his footing or something.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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It looks as if this is going to put David/Alan in the clear at last, although maybe it is too late to reinstate him in his old job. His actions oncoming upon the assault are most believable and the writing flows well.
One or two places where you might look at showing rather than telling. eg It's not easy to climb a chain link fence, so this took me some time. Maybe have him lose his footing or something.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Tony. Good idea. I agree; some more detail climbing the fence is in order.