What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "What We See - Chapter 11B"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
18 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
That's sad that Alan couldn't make the game and I hope this doesn't follow someone spreading rumors about Alan's past as David to Ginnie! But I m guessing that computer is planned for Tommy. I'm sure you'll make it all work out. Of Ginnie is the one, she'll investigate more before making assumptions. Ah for a cellphone!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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That's sad that Alan couldn't make the game and I hope this doesn't follow someone spreading rumors about Alan's past as David to Ginnie! But I m guessing that computer is planned for Tommy. I'm sure you'll make it all work out. Of Ginnie is the one, she'll investigate more before making assumptions. Ah for a cellphone!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Rumors will come, and soon, but you'll be surprised about the nature of them. It will really test the fledgling relationship with Ginnie. I can hardly wait to begin the sequence leading up to that!
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I am counting on Ginne to be smarter than the average heroine and able to do some sleuthing of her own!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well, firstly, I wish I had an Alan like you round the corner because you're the best fixer I know! In fact, it's so surprising that you can make all this detail into such an entertaining and enjoyable read. No wonder Tommy is so taken with you:)) Not a sign of a single dyslexic slip in your lovely, heart -warming story. I look forward to finding out more about Alan's poor father. But I'm sure this will be a let-down for Tommy, sadly. Thanks, Jim. Debbie
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Well, firstly, I wish I had an Alan like you round the corner because you're the best fixer I know! In fact, it's so surprising that you can make all this detail into such an entertaining and enjoyable read. No wonder Tommy is so taken with you:)) Not a sign of a single dyslexic slip in your lovely, heart -warming story. I look forward to finding out more about Alan's poor father. But I'm sure this will be a let-down for Tommy, sadly. Thanks, Jim. Debbie
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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I wish! I don't actually know a capacitor from a capybara! But my internet research skills are pretty good!
A bit of sadness in the next chapter, then the real excitement begins starting in chapter 13.
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Well you could have fooled me, Jim! If you weren't so far away, I'd be bringing all my appliances to you for fixing! Perhaps you could arrange a pick-up (you're usually very obliging:))
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Jim,
ah, the plot thickens. No matter how hard we try to control the issues of our lives, something always seems to interfere with our well laid plans. I liked this chapter. I understand that Alan has plans for the computer, but what good would a broken computer have been to the man who owned it? I would have thought that he would have accepted the very generous offer that was made, instead of asking for more. The fact is, this story seems real because it shows people how they really are, instead of how we wish they were. Well done Jim.
Have a blessed day.
tom
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Hello Jim,
ah, the plot thickens. No matter how hard we try to control the issues of our lives, something always seems to interfere with our well laid plans. I liked this chapter. I understand that Alan has plans for the computer, but what good would a broken computer have been to the man who owned it? I would have thought that he would have accepted the very generous offer that was made, instead of asking for more. The fact is, this story seems real because it shows people how they really are, instead of how we wish they were. Well done Jim.
Have a blessed day.
tom
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Good point. $300 did seem like a good deal for a busted computer, but the guy had the chutzpah to ask for more. At least Alan got it for half the price of the original, but at this point in the story, he isn't one to be very assertive, and is a bit of a softy. That may change.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Maybe on the way to the hospital David/Alan could have stopped by the field and spoke with Ginnie and explained why he needed to leave. That would make sense to me. Oh well, let's see how this plays out. I enjoyed reading and didn't see any way to improve it.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Maybe on the way to the hospital David/Alan could have stopped by the field and spoke with Ginnie and explained why he needed to leave. That would make sense to me. Oh well, let's see how this plays out. I enjoyed reading and didn't see any way to improve it.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Barbara. Perhaps he felt the need to get to the hospital asap.
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But it wouldn't have taken that long. It's just my take, but of course, again, it's just me.
Comment from lancellot
A well written chapter. Life is moving along. I wonder how long Alan's dad will be in the picture. He's not really an important character.
I think I would have liked to see Alan haggle over the sale of the PC. It would show, him not being so... oh, I'm not sure what the word is for his personality.
Good work.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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A well written chapter. Life is moving along. I wonder how long Alan's dad will be in the picture. He's not really an important character.
I think I would have liked to see Alan haggle over the sale of the PC. It would show, him not being so... oh, I'm not sure what the word is for his personality.
Good work.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Lance. Yep, good instincts about his dad. I'm also not quite sure what the word is for Alan's personality: non-assertive, naive, bit of a pushover? Let's see if this changes by the end.
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Given he is currently that way. It will be interesting to see, if you'll have his neighbor want a relationship with him. Would a woman with a son, want such a person as a husband and stepdad? Or will she push him to evolve?
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The latter.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Nicely done. I love the negotiation. Those were special machines back in the day. We loved them. Going without one for a day was painful! I thought the dialogue was excellent. This flowed well and the conversation seemed natural. Great job.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Nicely done. I love the negotiation. Those were special machines back in the day. We loved them. Going without one for a day was painful! I thought the dialogue was excellent. This flowed well and the conversation seemed natural. Great job.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thanks very much, Michael. I hope this entices you to keep reading. We're only about 1/4 way into the story right now. Here is a blurb for what it's about if you are interested:
David Phelps is a mild-mannered, somewhat timid High School Physics teacher who is suddenly charged with the sexual assault of one of his students. Unable to prove a negative?that he didn?t do it?and after having made a dreadful slip-of-the-tongue due to his dyslexia, he is asked to resign. Without the resources or the will to fight this charge and unwilling to live under a cloud of suspicion, he resigns and must now decide what to do with the rest of his life.
His dyslexia plays a key role in the story as he befriends a young man much like himself as a youth, who helps him develop an important new tool in the battle against this incurable disability. But this endeavor is fraught with problems of its own. With the help of the woman he loves, will David be able to battle the forces arrayed against him this time and fight for his new invention?
He is now using his middle name of Alan because he quit his teaching job and moved to the next town, taking on the new name and disguising his appearance. He also formed his own electronics repair store.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Disappointed in that you met his demand to pay more than offered, and with $350 in and $250 to come, could he sell a used unit for more than the original cost. I would have offered him $250 after he asked for more.
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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Disappointed in that you met his demand to pay more than offered, and with $350 in and $250 to come, could he sell a used unit for more than the original cost. I would have offered him $250 after he asked for more.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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You're the second one to mention that in two reviews. Perhaps he should, but he doesn't intend to sell this one for a profit. (Nuff said about that.) Also, the $250 will only cost him perhaps $100 for the motherboard, as the rest would have been the labor and expertise.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice chapter. Good to see some cash flow, but surprising, actually, it only the first week.
I realize that you would deduct the cost of labor, but I think you started negotiating $100 too high. Finished, wouldn't you want a used computer for half price? Especially with an unknown factor. It may need a new fan, or have other problems.
although sometimes I play catcher if our regular catcher too. - too????
I'm fast too, although sometimes not quite fast enough. - I don't want to think a kid would say 'but' instead of 'although'. (even if improper)
Best wishes.
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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Nice chapter. Good to see some cash flow, but surprising, actually, it only the first week.
I realize that you would deduct the cost of labor, but I think you started negotiating $100 too high. Finished, wouldn't you want a used computer for half price? Especially with an unknown factor. It may need a new fan, or have other problems.
although sometimes I play catcher if our regular catcher too. - too????
I'm fast too, although sometimes not quite fast enough. - I don't want to think a kid would say 'but' instead of 'although'. (even if improper)
Best wishes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Wayne. The original cost was 700 so he did start below half, and ended up at half the original cost, but perhaps he could have started a little lower. He wanted this computer, and felt he had to give him at least close to what the other guy needed to but the Commodore 64.
Took your suggestions on the last two. I had taken something out of the first one, but didn't take out quite enough, so it made no sense. Good catches. Thanks!