Vegetables and Chickens, pt2
Val wondered how stupid a man could be11 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Well, you decided to continue the story. The writing is fine, but I think it lacks context. The months went by in a flash and reader never saw their bonding to the point of proposal or love. We were just told that. So, it makes this 'very small" misunderstanding, that has morphed so large difficult to understand, as it seems they really don't know each other. Now we know their age, and that makes things odder, since they seem to lack wisdom and knowledge of basic relationships.
her headpiece in his hand.
-her headpiece in her hand.
"He must have thought I'd said something else. The look in his eyes, his tortured expression.["]
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Well, you decided to continue the story. The writing is fine, but I think it lacks context. The months went by in a flash and reader never saw their bonding to the point of proposal or love. We were just told that. So, it makes this 'very small" misunderstanding, that has morphed so large difficult to understand, as it seems they really don't know each other. Now we know their age, and that makes things odder, since they seem to lack wisdom and knowledge of basic relationships.
her headpiece in his hand.
-her headpiece in her hand.
"He must have thought I'd said something else. The look in his eyes, his tortured expression.["]
-add
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the catches.
Yeah. The clamor for getting them back together was more than I could resist and I rushed it.
