Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Jim,
this is six material, but it's nearing the end of the week, so I no gotta them. I liked the transition from Momma Bear to the good looking neighbor next door. Her response was of course a natural one upon coming home to a stranger talking to her son. I so wish that we could return to a time when people didn't have to worry about every other person being a creep with a desire to do something nefarious. Well done my friend.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Or when a 15-year-old could take the train by himself into New York City, change trains to go to Westchester to watch a golf tournament, and come home by himself, as I did when I was a kid. Different times then.

No worries about the 6, and thanks for your nice review, Tom.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

That was pleasing, that she returned with a sincere apology. Her first reaction was probably understandable, but it is good that Alan will have a friendly neighbour. I just hope she doesn't hear about the past issue - perhaps he should tell her .... Very well written, a pleasure to read your good writing.
Wendy

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Thanks very much, Wendy. You've got some interesting thoughts there. Keep reading!

reply by Wendy G on 03-Feb-2024

I will definitely keep reading. I am enjoying it a lot. Thank you!

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Ah do I smell a small attraction coming? But the next door neighbour, mother of Tommy who was rescued by David from Tommy's. Friend, things are looking a bit too good at the moment, perhaps the mud may fly, beautifully written Friend jJim, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Ah, you're thinking ahead, Roy. Let's hope to keep you in suspense for a while.

reply by royowen on 03-Feb-2024

Well done,

Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Excellent

This is getting better. But he still needs a backbone.
You write well, so that is not a problem. It is just my gut reaction to people who don't stand up because I have always had to fight so hard to get my spec of normal. Not you, me. People are saying my story "Francesca Finds Frankie " Is too subtle. Did you find it too subtle? Karen

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

I just read it and left you a review.

Thanks so much for this good review, Karen. Your gut reaction about David/Alan is the one I would hope for and expect at this point in the story. I just hope he has enough good qualities for you to like him enough to keep reading until additional challenges will make him eventually grow a backbone. A large part of this story is the evolution of his character.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Alan may have met the woman of his dreams, but he will still have to deal with the story from his school. Somehow, she will hear of it. Tommy is going to benefit greatly from knowing Alan. I am enjoying this story and look forward to more.

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Thanks, Carol. Yes, chronologically, she will hear of it soon in quite an unusual way, but that's a little ways from now, chapter-wise. A lot happens between now and then.

Comment from Navada

Excellent

Aha! I see! I like Ginnie's turnaround from Momma Bear to friendly provider of coffee and donuts and who knows what else down the track. :) I think Alan definitely deserves a little more happiness. I love that he has his faithful Archie. I'm very biased, but I believe the fact Alan has a cat emphasises his kind and caring nature. :)

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Well, I'm biased too, but I'm glad you picked up on that. Anyone can love a dog, but people who love cats, I think, tend to be more kind and caring as you say. Good instincts about Alan and Momma Bear! Not without a few more fireworks, though.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, an interesting chapter. It seems Ginnie is a good woman, and you have her taking the lead in starting this relationship. Bold woman.

notes:

What does it take for people to quit misinterpreting what they see?

-Funny line. I noticed he didn't include how he misinterpreted what he saw, when he let the girl into his house.

I've got to stop thinking about this so much. It's over and done with, and I've moved on. I've got to concentrate now on making a success of my new business and forget about teaching for a while.

- Why is this paragraph in present tense?

This had been a long day,

-It had been a long day,

-Tense issue

Tomorrow I'll begin organizing the area where I'll work on the electrical equipment and build myself a work bench.

- this line is present tense again.

At 9:00 there was a knock on the front door. I hollered, "It's open. Come on in!"

-Why would his door be open? In this neighborhood, and with his history. He should be less trusting.

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

A very thoughtful review, Lance, that gives me a chance to explain my use of present tense in a story that's written in past tense. I came by this on my own, but then I started reading about it, and in a number of writers' forums, that very issue is addressed, and most of the advice seems to agree with my approach.

I prefer writing in past tense because I'm used to it, and most novels until recently are written that way. We are beginning to see more write in present tense, but to my ear, it just sounds funny because I'm not used to it. (A recap, like I start my posts with, is different, though, for some reason which I haven't figured out. It just seems appropriate there.)

But when writing in past tense (with perhaps the exception of an entire story being a recollection of the past, such as a memoir) there are things that are over and done with and things that continue on after the action of the story. For example, you could say:

"I went to the party, where I saw Cindy. She was a knockout, so I decided to go talk to her."

But I think it makes more sense to say:

"I went to the party, where I saw Cindy. She is a knockout, so I decided to go talk to her."

The fact that she is a knockout will continue for at least a while, so it should be said in present tense. Some writers will write it the first way, but my natural inclination is to write it the second way, and I do it now without even thinking about it. Of course, sometimes I screw up and put some things in past tense that should be present tense by my rule, but that's one of the things I check for when I edit myself. Yet sometimes they slip through unnoticed.

If that makes sense to you, I think it applies to each of the examples you cited.

In your final question, I meant for "It's open" to mean "It's unlocked" which I don't think most people would say. He will lock it up again when he goes out, but keeps it unlocked when he's there.

Your comment about his misinterpretation of the girl's intent when letting her in his house was a good one. You're right. He's not exempt from people's tendency to misinterpret what they see. I presume you see where the title of the story comes from. The book is largely about what we see and how we often misinterpret things. That's what dyslexia is all about too. The eyes see something, and somewhere along the line the message gets scrambled.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A good read, Jim. With Allan still wondering about what really happened to his accuser and meeting his new neighbours it seems he is going to be busy. emotions shown with the characters in this one. Both Alan and Ginnie care about others. Well done,
Valda

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 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Thanks very much, Valda. I think Ginnie's being a nurse shows this too; however, you'll find that she's quick to judge, and this will cause some sparks later on.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

... and the chill of the evening was now matching the chill I felt from Tommy's mom. I can relate to that feeling, but that is water over the dam, and I was just a teen.
And I understand what is meant by ...
Archie woke me up as usual at 6:00 AM, and after feeding him and going for a half-hour run, I grabbed a bite to eat. Archie went for a run? I.k.
I have a feeling, as the chapter ended that his store is going to be ransacked not long after opening. Maybe someone found out about his being accused.
And lastly, tight jeans ... could I expect less from you?

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 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Well, I wanted to say she had a very shapely ass, but I thought I'd better tone that down a little.

Hey, who knows? Archie probably ran to chase birds outside after eating!

Good thought about the store. We'll see if his disguise holds up.