2024 Japanese Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Billowing Clouds"x
14 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Gypsy. Your lovely poem reminds me somewhat of the better Cinquains, as espoused by Adelaide Crapsey. Different syllable count of course, but a similar structure in that it builds up the tension in the first four lines and then explodes it in the final one.
Here that contrast may be largely illusory, because the reality is the journey, the smoke, the desolation of blackened fields, whereas the release of the final line is merely a thought - back to the previous spring or hope for a future one.
Well worth a sixer, methinks.
Steve
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Hi, Gypsy. Your lovely poem reminds me somewhat of the better Cinquains, as espoused by Adelaide Crapsey. Different syllable count of course, but a similar structure in that it builds up the tension in the first four lines and then explodes it in the final one.
Here that contrast may be largely illusory, because the reality is the journey, the smoke, the desolation of blackened fields, whereas the release of the final line is merely a thought - back to the previous spring or hope for a future one.
Well worth a sixer, methinks.
Steve
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Steve, thank you for your exceptional six stars review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Julie Helms
First, congratulations on the staggering accomplishment of 3500 posts!
This is a beautifully themed poem with the ages-old idea of regenerated life from death. You use vivid sensory description... I can smell the smoke, taste the char, feel the fever. Nicely done. Julie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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First, congratulations on the staggering accomplishment of 3500 posts!
This is a beautifully themed poem with the ages-old idea of regenerated life from death. You use vivid sensory description... I can smell the smoke, taste the char, feel the fever. Nicely done. Julie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much, my friend.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from royowen
Our summers are quite often filled with smoke and the smell of bushfires burning. As always you make a feast out of the marvellous wording and the tempting morsels you pen, well done, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Our summers are quite often filled with smoke and the smell of bushfires burning. As always you make a feast out of the marvellous wording and the tempting morsels you pen, well done, blessings Roy
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Comment Written 12-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much, Roy. I appreciate your kindness. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
I have to celebrate your 3500th post!! Wow! Congratulations for your very productive writing streak.
You're right that some farmers add carbon to the soil by burning the fields but it's really environmentally bad to do that.
I like the hope of spring at the end.
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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I have to celebrate your 3500th post!! Wow! Congratulations for your very productive writing streak.
You're right that some farmers add carbon to the soil by burning the fields but it's really environmentally bad to do that.
I like the hope of spring at the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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I didn't know that. I remembered been confused by it when I was a little girl.
Thank you very much for your exceptional review and congratulations... it's hard to belive I have written so many poems lol
Love
Marival