A Portal Opens -Part Two
A brain injury opens a connection with another world.24 total reviews
Comment from damommy
Wow! Great story. I seemed so real to me, and I could "see" everything happening as you told it. Is there going to be more to this wonderful story?
- [from} our present world
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Wow! Great story. I seemed so real to me, and I could "see" everything happening as you told it. Is there going to be more to this wonderful story?
- [from} our present world
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Yvonne. I don't know if there will be more. when I wrote the firse part I didn't plan to write more but I did so who knows. I really appreciate the six stars and I'm delighted you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I like the way this evolves, Beth, with quite an open-ended resolution at the end. The story is imaginative, even slightly credible and engaged me from the start (as do all your stories). There were quite a few edits and it might be worth your while giving it another once-over. E.g. I had mentioned (the? that) some...; not all of being in his universe (was) benevolent; this reality seem(ed) so dark and depressing; I was on the verge of (nodding off?) - this would be more concise especially because you would have known if it was going to be a quick nap; there was some(thing) very disturbing about him; As the weeks passed I got used (to) ; A quite haunting fictional account here. I like the gift of being able to tell truth from lies. Well done and good luck, Beth! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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I like the way this evolves, Beth, with quite an open-ended resolution at the end. The story is imaginative, even slightly credible and engaged me from the start (as do all your stories). There were quite a few edits and it might be worth your while giving it another once-over. E.g. I had mentioned (the? that) some...; not all of being in his universe (was) benevolent; this reality seem(ed) so dark and depressing; I was on the verge of (nodding off?) - this would be more concise especially because you would have known if it was going to be a quick nap; there was some(thing) very disturbing about him; As the weeks passed I got used (to) ; A quite haunting fictional account here. I like the gift of being able to tell truth from lies. Well done and good luck, Beth! Debbie
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Thank you Debbie. I'm glad you like this. I'd thought I'd had several more days on it and when I realized only had two hours I rushed ao I did end up with quite a few spagas. I hope they are corrected now.
Comment from royowen
How interesting for you, who would think that a head injury would lead to the things you've seen, I've wondered what the eye doesn't see, I've known people to see angels, I haven't personally, kids that saw gigantic angels going through the roof, so who knows? Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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How interesting for you, who would think that a head injury would lead to the things you've seen, I've wondered what the eye doesn't see, I've known people to see angels, I haven't personally, kids that saw gigantic angels going through the roof, so who knows? Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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I've not personally seen an angel, but I have had the steering wheel be suddenly taken from me by unseen hands and had a serious accident prevented. Did you mean to give only four stats?
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No of course not Beth, I?ll change it straight away
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This is a series, right? But this chapter is entered into the fantasy writing contest? If this is for a contest, I'd make sure you do a lot more editing (see notes below).
I had mentioned the some of the side effects to my doctor (you can take "the" out)
not all of the being in his universe were benevolent (do you want "beings" there?) Same question in last sentence of that paragraph.
I felt I was being pulled away form our present world (from)
because the possibility of never again seeing my precious children . . . (because OF the possibility)
it only lasted seconds, and found myself awake in bed. (and I found myself)
Beth, there were several other spags, missing words, periods where there should be commas, etc., and I think you should go in and edit one more time. I stopped making notes for corrections because it was taking me out of the flow.
I'm not sure if this continues or not. FYI, I will not be around a lot in January, so I've told everyone I follow - who is starting a new book - that I won't be reading them because of my absence. I will be reading stand-alone stories and poetry just to stay in touch with everyone.
If I don't talk to you again before Monday, have a Merry Christmas - happy and healthy and safe.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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This is a series, right? But this chapter is entered into the fantasy writing contest? If this is for a contest, I'd make sure you do a lot more editing (see notes below).
I had mentioned the some of the side effects to my doctor (you can take "the" out)
not all of the being in his universe were benevolent (do you want "beings" there?) Same question in last sentence of that paragraph.
I felt I was being pulled away form our present world (from)
because the possibility of never again seeing my precious children . . . (because OF the possibility)
it only lasted seconds, and found myself awake in bed. (and I found myself)
Beth, there were several other spags, missing words, periods where there should be commas, etc., and I think you should go in and edit one more time. I stopped making notes for corrections because it was taking me out of the flow.
I'm not sure if this continues or not. FYI, I will not be around a lot in January, so I've told everyone I follow - who is starting a new book - that I won't be reading them because of my absence. I will be reading stand-alone stories and poetry just to stay in touch with everyone.
If I don't talk to you again before Monday, have a Merry Christmas - happy and healthy and safe.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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I wrote the first one for a another contest, but I didn't have nearly enough words. Several people had asked to continue it. I got most of the important things from the first one into this one but I didn't realize I had to hurry and write it before the deadline. I've corrected a lot of spags today and only hope I found them all. That you for allerting me to some of them.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an intriguing post Beth and a bit scary. I know people do suffer with some strange visions after receiving a head injury, so in a way your story is believable. It must be awful not to be in control of our thoughts and visions.
Just one suggestion here:
remove (the):
(I had mentioned (the) some of the side effects to my doctor)
An entertaining post, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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This is an intriguing post Beth and a bit scary. I know people do suffer with some strange visions after receiving a head injury, so in a way your story is believable. It must be awful not to be in control of our thoughts and visions.
Just one suggestion here:
remove (the):
(I had mentioned (the) some of the side effects to my doctor)
An entertaining post, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Dolly, I'm glad you found int intriguing. A lot of people thought it sounded believable. I hope that is a good thing. LOL People are willing to believe some very strange things these days.
Comment from Navada
This is a really fascinating sequel to Part One. I really liked the analogy to guardian angels and the arrival of the one from the darker forces. I would be fascinated to see what would happen if ever the decision was made for your narrator to enter the portal. Something drastic would have to happen if they knew they could never return, but learning more about the other world would be very interesting for us! Just one suggestion - there are a few spag issues throughout with missing words and a few typos. Thank you for sharing this - I really enjoyed it! :)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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This is a really fascinating sequel to Part One. I really liked the analogy to guardian angels and the arrival of the one from the darker forces. I would be fascinated to see what would happen if ever the decision was made for your narrator to enter the portal. Something drastic would have to happen if they knew they could never return, but learning more about the other world would be very interesting for us! Just one suggestion - there are a few spag issues throughout with missing words and a few typos. Thank you for sharing this - I really enjoyed it! :)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for the review. I worte it too fast last night when I realized I'd run out of time. I hope I managed to catch most of the spags today.
Beth
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All good - I know that feeling! :)
Comment from Ben Colder
wow! What a write. If only. Yes if only. It is true that we have much of our brain yet to explore, but I doubt it would be anything like your experienced or at least hope not. Good one, Beth.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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wow! What a write. If only. Yes if only. It is true that we have much of our brain yet to explore, but I doubt it would be anything like your experienced or at least hope not. Good one, Beth.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for a great review. This is fiction but the part about the steering wheel being jerked from the drivers hand isn't. I was in the car and witnessed that happen.
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Sounds like something the Lord would do for you.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Oh my gosh, Beth! That was amazing. What a great job of writing fantasy. It sounded so believable, at first you kind of had me believing you, lol. Making fantasy believable is the mark of great fantasy.
Take care and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Oh my gosh, Beth! That was amazing. What a great job of writing fantasy. It sounded so believable, at first you kind of had me believing you, lol. Making fantasy believable is the mark of great fantasy.
Take care and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Ronda. I so glad you like this. I really appreciate you nice review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Such a clever story, Seems totally believable to me.
I wrote a Jesse James Doty update for everyone to read. Happy Holidays to you and yours. Karen :-)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Such a clever story, Seems totally believable to me.
I wrote a Jesse James Doty update for everyone to read. Happy Holidays to you and yours. Karen :-)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Karen, I'm so glad you liked this. A lot of people thought it sounded believable. I really appreciate review.
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Happy holidays
Comment from Lea Tonin1
I love fantasy and you're doing amazing job with this. I really enjoy it. I think your characters are fascinating full of believability. Even if they don't have names. A really great entry. I see no issue with grammar esthetics subject matter punctuation. Very interesting. I hope you carry on great job. Have a wonderful Christmas. A great new year in an awesome evening!
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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I love fantasy and you're doing amazing job with this. I really enjoy it. I think your characters are fascinating full of believability. Even if they don't have names. A really great entry. I see no issue with grammar esthetics subject matter punctuation. Very interesting. I hope you carry on great job. Have a wonderful Christmas. A great new year in an awesome evening!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Lea, It is a bit a struggle for me to try to write fantasy. I like to write things I'm positive are true. My imagination needs exercising so I'll give it a shot. I appreciate your review.
