Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "King Phoebus"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
18 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like how you use sensory clues throughout the chapter. This takes the reader along with your characters in this vicarious experience. This is an excellent line: "Echo took a deep, exasperated breath. "I don't speak cat "That's unfortunate. He understands you." Phoebus stood up and walked to a small table nearby. This has a poignant ending.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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I like how you use sensory clues throughout the chapter. This takes the reader along with your characters in this vicarious experience. This is an excellent line: "Echo took a deep, exasperated breath. "I don't speak cat "That's unfortunate. He understands you." Phoebus stood up and walked to a small table nearby. This has a poignant ending.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the review, Liz and for pointing out what you liked. That?s so helpful in planning future chapters.
I?m glad you liked the sensory clues. I don?t do it often, but tried to bring out the newness of the land.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
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You under estimate you finesse with using sensory imagery
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Awww, thank you!
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***Warm smile
***Warm smile***
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🥰❤️
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I must say, King Phoebus is a very patient doctor. Most doctors do not put up with that many questions from their patients! I liked the way you covered all the various sights and smells of a completely different world.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Well, I must say, King Phoebus is a very patient doctor. Most doctors do not put up with that many questions from their patients! I liked the way you covered all the various sights and smells of a completely different world.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi Helen! Thank you for the lovely six stars and comments. I hope you are enjoying the Greek parts of this story! Please feel free to comment on those aspects as you are an enthusiast!
Phoebus is patient with Echo because she has celebrity status from Theo always talking about her, lol. Also, his wife arrived in Concorde Valley in much the same way, so he can relate.
Hugs,
Rhonda
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Keep up the great work, Rhonda! 💖
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
The conversation between Echo and Phoebus gives a lot of details in an interesting way, which a lot of writers are not good at doing. It is delightful when Phoebus assures her that Sunny can understand her. Also, the idea that she can see things better because there is no pollution makes the valley more like heaven on Earth. Very well written story, and I look forward to each installment of it.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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The conversation between Echo and Phoebus gives a lot of details in an interesting way, which a lot of writers are not good at doing. It is delightful when Phoebus assures her that Sunny can understand her. Also, the idea that she can see things better because there is no pollution makes the valley more like heaven on Earth. Very well written story, and I look forward to each installment of it.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi Carol, thank you for the lovely review! I appreciate you time and effort.
I?m glad the dialogue works as balance is difficult to attain. I tend to find myself caught in just explaining or just having them talk it all out. I work on blending, so thanks!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
You deserve six stars for this chapter, so here they are. Your story is fascinating. I hope you intend to publish it because I'm sure others would love it as much as I do--excellent writing with no errors.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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You deserve six stars for this chapter, so here they are. Your story is fascinating. I hope you intend to publish it because I'm sure others would love it as much as I do--excellent writing with no errors.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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That is so sweet. Thank you for the sincere six stars! I am hoping to publish it, which is why it takes so long for me to post. I go over the chapters with a fine tooth comb. I used to just put it out there and trim as I went. Feel free to point things out if you see them. I know you?ll do it with the best intention.
Thank you again and again,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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Yes, if I can honestly help, I will point out errors. The thing is, I never spot any errors in your writing. You do an excellent job of editing your work.
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You are too kind.
Comment from Daylily
I love your story so much. It is excellent fantasy.
I especially like this line because it is very meaningful to me:
When she did, she was overwhelmed by the most striking colors she had ever known.
I have always been very color-oriented. It is a sad thing that my son is totally colorblind. However, he is an excellent artist. He knows that grass is green and the sky is blue, but he just does not know what green and blue are. -- His wife some times helps him pick out a color pallet although he usually uses a computer to pick out and copy colors needed for doing a specific series. He does Dungeons and Dragon artwork, writes gaming stories and creates the programs for it.
I am already anxious for your next chapter to be posted. X X Lily
Note: "Did you really used to being (be?) a Centaur?"
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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I love your story so much. It is excellent fantasy.
I especially like this line because it is very meaningful to me:
When she did, she was overwhelmed by the most striking colors she had ever known.
I have always been very color-oriented. It is a sad thing that my son is totally colorblind. However, he is an excellent artist. He knows that grass is green and the sky is blue, but he just does not know what green and blue are. -- His wife some times helps him pick out a color pallet although he usually uses a computer to pick out and copy colors needed for doing a specific series. He does Dungeons and Dragon artwork, writes gaming stories and creates the programs for it.
I am already anxious for your next chapter to be posted. X X Lily
Note: "Did you really used to being (be?) a Centaur?"
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi Lily!
Thank you for the lovely 6 stars. That is so very generous! I?m glad the story speaks to you, especially the colors. When I envisioned her first experience in Concorde Valley, that?s what first came to mind. There, away from the mess, there are more intense everything.
That?s sad about your son, but I?m glad to see it didn?t stop him! I?m glad technology can help him in this way, and what a success he is at it, too! Do you ever use his artwork on here?
Thank you again,
Rhonda
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No, I l nearly always like to do my own artwork. My sons does art that is mostly dragons, centaurs, warrior creatures, etc. It is published in the computer game books he writes connected to the Dungeons and Dragons franchise. If you just want to look at it, he displays it on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com
/FilKearneyCreations/ He also records himself while doing the artwork and that can be seen live and in reruns, as well. It is all computer-generated.
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So, your son inherited your artistic talent! How amazing! My son-in-law is I to Dungeons and Dragons. I?ll have to share the information with him, thank you for sharing it with me! I?m super impressed!
Hugs,
Rhonda
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Return hugs!
Comment from lancellot
This is well written and perfectly understandable chapter. Good strong dialogue and information sharing with the readers, that flowed within the scene.
notes:
"But what if I get lonely?"
- She is verging on becoming annoying, but cute.
Phoebus stood up and walked to a small table nearby.
-Phoebus stood and walked to a small table nearby. (I have to stop myself from using: up)
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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This is well written and perfectly understandable chapter. Good strong dialogue and information sharing with the readers, that flowed within the scene.
notes:
"But what if I get lonely?"
- She is verging on becoming annoying, but cute.
Phoebus stood up and walked to a small table nearby.
-Phoebus stood and walked to a small table nearby. (I have to stop myself from using: up)
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi! Thank you for reviewing the chapter, and for the brilliant stars.
I was going for her being a bit annoying, but is about to grow as a character. She?ll find she doesn?t always have to interrogate to get people to talk to her, lol.
Oh, and thanks for finding the up! They are a plague to me as well. I also tend to use to many that?s. I try to find them, but you know how grammatical habits can be!
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is all so wonderfully expressed in dialogue as we see the ever inquisitive Echo challenging Phoebus about his background, thus illuminating to the reader the divide between the mystical element of this story and Echo's reality. I imagine this divide will lessen as she becomes more and more a part of this new world. An enchanting story, Rhonda, beautifully presented. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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This is all so wonderfully expressed in dialogue as we see the ever inquisitive Echo challenging Phoebus about his background, thus illuminating to the reader the divide between the mystical element of this story and Echo's reality. I imagine this divide will lessen as she becomes more and more a part of this new world. An enchanting story, Rhonda, beautifully presented. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi Debbie, and thank you for the review!
Echo is really inquisitive as is her nature, it will tone it down as she revels in her new world.
I?m glad you remarked on the mixing of Echo?s reality and what she?s learning. It can be overwhelming, and the people will try to help on that.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoy this story. I wasn't aware that echo was so ill or why that Theo put her to sleep but this clears that up. I tend to be like her and have way to many questions but your story seems to be answering them as we go.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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I really enjoy this story. I wasn't aware that echo was so ill or why that Theo put her to sleep but this clears that up. I tend to be like her and have way to many questions but your story seems to be answering them as we go.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2023
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Hi Beth. Thanks for the great review! I?ve probably had her ask too many questions and I?m going to work on some of it just play out. It helps when people notice, though I know you weren?t criticizing. It?s just I?d already thought about it.
Take care,
Rhonda