Unsettling Homecoming
My daughter unveils a disturbing problem20 total reviews
Comment from créateur d'histoire
Wow this was powerful. Sometimes children through play can reveal their inner feelings or their circumstances that they are going through. Nice job talking about a current and important issue.
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Wow this was powerful. Sometimes children through play can reveal their inner feelings or their circumstances that they are going through. Nice job talking about a current and important issue.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Mystery Writer,
I'm glad you brought child abuse to public light. There's a lot of it going on out there from men and women. I think we, typically, think of it coming from men, but they aren't the only ones.
Great job of writing a very engaging story,
Take care,
Rhonda
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Hi Mystery Writer,
I'm glad you brought child abuse to public light. There's a lot of it going on out there from men and women. I think we, typically, think of it coming from men, but they aren't the only ones.
Great job of writing a very engaging story,
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Whoa. This one's stark...yet quite riveting. I love way the good guys won, though, of course the treatment of the four-year-old is so unconscionable. Good luck with your entry in the contest. I hope it does well in the polls. xo
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Whoa. This one's stark...yet quite riveting. I love way the good guys won, though, of course the treatment of the four-year-old is so unconscionable. Good luck with your entry in the contest. I hope it does well in the polls. xo
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an interesting story highlighting the important issue of child abuse. The beginning of the story sounds exactly like reality. Your artwork pairs perfectly, and intensifies your message. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Suggestion: Watch out for accurate quotation marks.
Mommy says things like that to me when she's mad at me." (Put quotation mark before "Mommy)
"Kinnelon Police Department, 911," what is your emergency?" (Place a period after 911 and remove quotation mark. It's 2 sentences, both spoken by the same person.)
"This is Jacob Flynn. (Put an ending quotation mark at the very end of the paragraph)
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This is an interesting story highlighting the important issue of child abuse. The beginning of the story sounds exactly like reality. Your artwork pairs perfectly, and intensifies your message. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Suggestion: Watch out for accurate quotation marks.
Mommy says things like that to me when she's mad at me." (Put quotation mark before "Mommy)
"Kinnelon Police Department, 911," what is your emergency?" (Place a period after 911 and remove quotation mark. It's 2 sentences, both spoken by the same person.)
"This is Jacob Flynn. (Put an ending quotation mark at the very end of the paragraph)
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from Lisasview
Susch a realistic story ...made my tummy ache... Some children grow up in such abusive crazy family!!!
Alcoholism often plays a part in this...
I wish you the very best of luck in the Throught the eyes of a child contest....
Lisasview
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Susch a realistic story ...made my tummy ache... Some children grow up in such abusive crazy family!!!
Alcoholism often plays a part in this...
I wish you the very best of luck in the Throught the eyes of a child contest....
Lisasview
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from prettybluebirds
The truth often comes from the mouths of children. I imagine things like this happen every day in this world of ours. The artwork is perfect for the subject of the story. Best of luck in the contest.
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The truth often comes from the mouths of children. I imagine things like this happen every day in this world of ours. The artwork is perfect for the subject of the story. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Good reviews of parents are worth nothing in my eyes. They should get nothing be nothing and have nothing. A very good right that strikes accord with me. She knows subject matter you've got a great entry I wish you best of luck!
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Good reviews of parents are worth nothing in my eyes. They should get nothing be nothing and have nothing. A very good right that strikes accord with me. She knows subject matter you've got a great entry I wish you best of luck!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
Comment from Teri7
This is a very disturbing story you have penned for the "Through the Eyes of a Child writing prompt. You used very good dialogue and very good imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. That would be very sad if that happened with a four year old or any age child. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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This is a very disturbing story you have penned for the "Through the Eyes of a Child writing prompt. You used very good dialogue and very good imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. That would be very sad if that happened with a four year old or any age child. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
Comment from Wendy G
That's dramatic and filled with horror. Poor child. But just as well the situation was discovered before worse happened. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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That's dramatic and filled with horror. Poor child. But just as well the situation was discovered before worse happened. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is fiction so, I'll give some leeway about the police actually arriving for a non-crime. You are allowed to be drunk and passed out in your own home. As for the abuse allegations. There is no proof of that either, so they would not do anything, but leave after a well-fare check. The story is in need of additional editing, and it is a bit limiting.
notes:
She was saying; "Stay in that corner you little bitch. If you move, you will be sorry, and if you ever tell your father about this, I'll take your Becky Bear away from you and you'll never get her back!
-She was saying, "Stay in that corner you little bitch. If you move, you will be sorry, and if you ever tell your father about this, I'll take your Becky Bear away from you and you'll never get her back!"
["]Mommy says things like that to me when she's mad at me."
-add
Disgusted, I left her there, went downstairs, and said. "Lauren, Mommy is still sleeping, why don't we go get some ice cream, I hear you've been a very good girl. Bring Becky, and then we'll go see Grandma."
-Disgusted, I left her there, went downstairs, and said, "Lauren, Mommy is still sleeping, why don't we go get some ice cream. I hear you've been a very good girl. Bring Becky, and then we'll go see Grandma."
"Kinnelon Police Department, 911," what is your emergency?"
-"Kinnelon Police Department. What is your emergency?"
I will be bringing my daughter to my mother's house in Pompton Plains, NJ.["]
-add
Divorce papers were served to Deborah in the hospital the next day.
- Would remove this. It's impossible.
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Hmm, this is fiction so, I'll give some leeway about the police actually arriving for a non-crime. You are allowed to be drunk and passed out in your own home. As for the abuse allegations. There is no proof of that either, so they would not do anything, but leave after a well-fare check. The story is in need of additional editing, and it is a bit limiting.
notes:
She was saying; "Stay in that corner you little bitch. If you move, you will be sorry, and if you ever tell your father about this, I'll take your Becky Bear away from you and you'll never get her back!
-She was saying, "Stay in that corner you little bitch. If you move, you will be sorry, and if you ever tell your father about this, I'll take your Becky Bear away from you and you'll never get her back!"
["]Mommy says things like that to me when she's mad at me."
-add
Disgusted, I left her there, went downstairs, and said. "Lauren, Mommy is still sleeping, why don't we go get some ice cream, I hear you've been a very good girl. Bring Becky, and then we'll go see Grandma."
-Disgusted, I left her there, went downstairs, and said, "Lauren, Mommy is still sleeping, why don't we go get some ice cream. I hear you've been a very good girl. Bring Becky, and then we'll go see Grandma."
"Kinnelon Police Department, 911," what is your emergency?"
-"Kinnelon Police Department. What is your emergency?"
I will be bringing my daughter to my mother's house in Pompton Plains, NJ.["]
-add
Divorce papers were served to Deborah in the hospital the next day.
- Would remove this. It's impossible.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
