Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

aw sad... but excellent imagery! could totally see that pile and feel her loss...

one suggestion: maybe "A pile of leaves" ?
could be just me, but i wanted to add "A" in that line lol

thank you for sharing
shelley :)

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

I struggled with the 'a' on the last line. Haiku is supposed to be written as succint as possible and do away with a, an, the, whenever is not needed, but you are right, it sounds better with the 'a', thank you for being helpful.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem.

Gypsy

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

Another very moving piece. It begs to question why is this person alone. Has someone died, broken up. I loved the pile of leaves that signified this person has been missing fir a while. Gretchen

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

form my point of view, her husband is dead but she still misses him. But the beauty of haiku is the personal relationship between the reader and the satori (last line). Some think she is divorced. Either way works.

Comment from Mark D. R.

Excellent

Gypsy,

One easily can recall this scene in different seasons and different locales -- very nice presentation!

Mark

p.s. at (sic) your side? - different concept than 'by your side'

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

'on your side' means whatever was there before, it's gone. 'by your side' means next to the pile of leaves, doesn't emphasize the absence of her husband.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem.

Gypsy

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I probably says a lot about your bench partner, a pile of dead leaves on their side, perhaps it could speak unresolved issues in their life, a tidying up to be done in think, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

the husband is dead, she grieves his absence

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem.

Gypsy

reply by royowen on 08-Nov-2023

Thank you

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That is really sad, Gypsy. The lost loved one, replaced by a pile of leaves. At least they are keeping the loved ones seat warm, and chear the one left behind. Beautiful Senryu, with a stunning presentation. :)) Sandra

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. You are right :) thank you for the kind words.

Gypsy

Comment from jim vecchio

Excellent

I'd love to have you on my side of the bench, but WATCH OUT!! On one of our early dates, my wife and I sat on an old bench in Vermont. Guess who got a splinter and guess where???

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 Comment Written 07-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

hahaha.... was it worth the pain? It sounds like it was... you married her :)

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. You are right :) thank you for the kind words.

Gypsy

reply by jim vecchio on 07-Nov-2023

If I could have her back, there is no pain I wouldn't undergo!

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't know.

reply by jim vecchio on 07-Nov-2023

Thank you! I know I'll see her again!

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

You are such a pro at telling entire stories in so few words. Just the words "on your side" tells me that the couple has been separated whether by death or divorce we don't know. We only know the missing one is replaced by leaves. Beautifully done!

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 Comment Written 06-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2023

Thank you, big sister, what an exeptional review.. I am happy you like it. Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for the pump.
Love
marival