Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Bomb"Biography/Supernatural
18 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
You provided a revealing and heartfelt description of who you saw when you looked in the mirror for the first time after so many months of being "wilderness girl." Also remarkable is your observations of the water in the bathtub as you watched it go down the drain. Your grandmother seems pleasantly warm and kind. I hope that holds true as your story progresses.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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You provided a revealing and heartfelt description of who you saw when you looked in the mirror for the first time after so many months of being "wilderness girl." Also remarkable is your observations of the water in the bathtub as you watched it go down the drain. Your grandmother seems pleasantly warm and kind. I hope that holds true as your story progresses.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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In a perfect world, it would be, so however, she's a different ball lack, but the rabbit hole goes very. Keep it's my grandmother at the game reveals. Thank you again for popping in Reading. I was happy to see you already. Did come up and you're kind comments and all the helpful things you have to say. Thank you so much again I hope your day is awesome!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You can imagine there's palpable relief here that you're safely ensconced in your lovely Grandmother's home, together with your sister. The bathing is so symbolic as all those weeks of grime and hardship (and self-delusion that you could cope) are washed away. You've reached a stage of absolute surrender and now you must allow yourself to be helped back to good health. There are edits and another proof read on your part would help: "I left it (at) that"; "Any involvement from these people meant..." (no full-stop after 'meant'; "(W)e're here now"; "You bed, you bathtub"; "And bless all (those?) who suffered.."; Otherwise, an excellent read, your image of a war victim poignantly vivid and alarming. Thanks for sharing, Lea. Debbie x
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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You can imagine there's palpable relief here that you're safely ensconced in your lovely Grandmother's home, together with your sister. The bathing is so symbolic as all those weeks of grime and hardship (and self-delusion that you could cope) are washed away. You've reached a stage of absolute surrender and now you must allow yourself to be helped back to good health. There are edits and another proof read on your part would help: "I left it (at) that"; "Any involvement from these people meant..." (no full-stop after 'meant'; "(W)e're here now"; "You bed, you bathtub"; "And bless all (those?) who suffered.."; Otherwise, an excellent read, your image of a war victim poignantly vivid and alarming. Thanks for sharing, Lea. Debbie x
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Hi Debbie, once again, you provide valuable insight and your Eagle Eye points out the edits required and I have followed them all and make changes and add things to things to weigh when I get into the rewrite. I thank you for your support as always. Your insightful commentary always a blessing.
I need the force be with you. LOL have a great night!
Comment from Jim Wile
What an incredible description of yoursef, Lea, as you looked at yourself in the mirror for the first time in months. What an ordeal not only your mind but also your body was put through all that time in the wild, especially the way it ended with the storm. Sick, starving, wounded and resembling a victim of war with the realization that you may very well not have lasted more than a few more days.
That was an incredible ordeal, and now it's time for a turn in your luck. Let's hope Oma rises to the challenge of caring for two abused teenage girls. - Jim
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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What an incredible description of yoursef, Lea, as you looked at yourself in the mirror for the first time in months. What an ordeal not only your mind but also your body was put through all that time in the wild, especially the way it ended with the storm. Sick, starving, wounded and resembling a victim of war with the realization that you may very well not have lasted more than a few more days.
That was an incredible ordeal, and now it's time for a turn in your luck. Let's hope Oma rises to the challenge of caring for two abused teenage girls. - Jim
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Jim, once again, thank you so much for this fine review. And the fine rating you have given. I'm truly honored and last because you are such a prolific intelligent and talented writer. Thank you for everything!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Firstly, I am glad that you and your sister are safe and off the street. Your Grandma is a life saver, kind and caring. It must have been great to get clean and your realisation that you had lost so much weight must have reminded you how close you came to losing your life. A fine chapter Lea in this story about survival against the odds, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Firstly, I am glad that you and your sister are safe and off the street. Your Grandma is a life saver, kind and caring. It must have been great to get clean and your realisation that you had lost so much weight must have reminded you how close you came to losing your life. A fine chapter Lea in this story about survival against the odds, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Thank you Dolly I so appreciate your reading and going on this journey with me! Thank you for your kind thoughts as well. I wish I could say that my grandmother was wonderful and fabulous. That night, she has an agenda. And unfortunately, it was a sacrifice 3 out to make it happen. Thank you again!
Comment from damommy
Your sister was safe all the time you worried about her, and now you are, too. I thought when you called your grandmother earlier she said you couldn't come there. I guess the social worker forced her hand. I hope this turns out well for you.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Your sister was safe all the time you worried about her, and now you are, too. I thought when you called your grandmother earlier she said you couldn't come there. I guess the social worker forced her hand. I hope this turns out well for you.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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It was actually rmy stepfather who told me I couldn't come there. Thats why I got a hold of my grandmother who alleviated the empty tummy and the roof over my head. Like the rest of the family, she had an agenda, and many secrets to hide and three girls that paid for it. Thank you so much for your kind review and your awesome comments and for reading along with me on this journey. I'm truly grateful for that too and I shall like a broken record but it is what I feel like so thank you again. I hope you have a great night!
Comment from BethShelby
I'm relieved your grandmother took you in and that you sister is there and she seems Okay. You're too exhaused and sick to bathe but warm bath is bound to make you feel better. You have a lot to tell them about what's been going on with you. I hope they were worried about you. I look forward to seeing you start to get well.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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I'm relieved your grandmother took you in and that you sister is there and she seems Okay. You're too exhaused and sick to bathe but warm bath is bound to make you feel better. You have a lot to tell them about what's been going on with you. I hope they were worried about you. I look forward to seeing you start to get well.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Hi Beth, yes, thank you. I do get a bit of a break as far as the roof over my head and food. In my stomawhat's of course, you're all grateful for.
My family are the rulers of deception with my grandmother at the helm. More to follow, thank you again this for hanging out and reading. Always happy to see you here. I'm glad you're interested. I'm glad you're with me on the strength of which I cannot stop saying thank you!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Lea!
I appreciate how you introduce readers to the intended writing before the action; effective.
Tension builds up well, but there are numerous edits you may want to consider:
Any involvement from these people meant.( ) I had to trust them, and they'd already betrayed me once.
granmothers (grandmother or grandmother's house.)
I felt a hand on my shoulder."we're here now." (shoulder. "We're here now."
Then slowly, they began to part, (. My) my grandmother approached me, "He he" she said. "You are dirty. Put you right into de tub"
Hello, Lea,
Besides, it's (it had been) been months since I had a real bath.
Rib bones move between breaths(bare?) skin translucent the bones threatening to bust free of its cage. (Need to revisit this sentence = run-on)
"You bed, your bathtub. Talk in the morning." (You, bed. You, bathtub.)
Thank you for sharing!
Best wishes!
diane
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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hello, Lea!
I appreciate how you introduce readers to the intended writing before the action; effective.
Tension builds up well, but there are numerous edits you may want to consider:
Any involvement from these people meant.( ) I had to trust them, and they'd already betrayed me once.
granmothers (grandmother or grandmother's house.)
I felt a hand on my shoulder."we're here now." (shoulder. "We're here now."
Then slowly, they began to part, (. My) my grandmother approached me, "He he" she said. "You are dirty. Put you right into de tub"
Hello, Lea,
Besides, it's (it had been) been months since I had a real bath.
Rib bones move between breaths(bare?) skin translucent the bones threatening to bust free of its cage. (Need to revisit this sentence = run-on)
"You bed, your bathtub. Talk in the morning." (You, bed. You, bathtub.)
Thank you for sharing!
Best wishes!
diane
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hi, Diane, thank you so much for stopping. And for a read, you giving me a fine review. I must say I very much appreciate above anything is the corrections you've noticed. No I shall go ahead and do so. Thanks again very much, Diane. I appreciate your kind words too. And for taking the time to do this for me. I hope you have the best evening!
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My pleasure, Lea!
Keep writing!
diane
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was very interesting. I have a feeling there is more to this and I just happened to stumble on it while scrolling. I loved the symbism of the bath and refilling the tub again. I saw it as a second chance. Very well written. Gretchen
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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This was very interesting. I have a feeling there is more to this and I just happened to stumble on it while scrolling. I loved the symbism of the bath and refilling the tub again. I saw it as a second chance. Very well written. Gretchen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you Gretchen for your kind review! I very much appreciate it! If you like, you're welcome to read my autobile in my portfolio called Ghost of which this chapter is a part of. Feel free if you like. I will say that there are some chapters that are hard to read. Definitely reader discretion is advised. Thank you again, Gretchen. I really appreciate you stopping and hope to see you again soon!