Tempted To Run
She had many scars16 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Very sad, outrageous for the poor woman to suffer such things also very, How do I want to say? I'd like to get up and beat the snot out of that guy, but that's just me.
You've done well with this poem. I must say you've got some great standards in there. And some good words which is as well. If I might make one's mouth suggestion. Pick your poem, read it out loud to yourself. Or have someone read it to you? Look for a cadence, a rhythm, a beat if you will, does it flow off your tongue? If you find that it's stutters a bit, Sometimes taking or adding a word is the key to make a good poem into a great one! Having said that, it does not take away from the beauty or the sadness of this poem, your message is clear and concise and done in such a way that a person cannot miss what is being said so good job. I think it's a fine submission, and best of luck to you!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Very sad, outrageous for the poor woman to suffer such things also very, How do I want to say? I'd like to get up and beat the snot out of that guy, but that's just me.
You've done well with this poem. I must say you've got some great standards in there. And some good words which is as well. If I might make one's mouth suggestion. Pick your poem, read it out loud to yourself. Or have someone read it to you? Look for a cadence, a rhythm, a beat if you will, does it flow off your tongue? If you find that it's stutters a bit, Sometimes taking or adding a word is the key to make a good poem into a great one! Having said that, it does not take away from the beauty or the sadness of this poem, your message is clear and concise and done in such a way that a person cannot miss what is being said so good job. I think it's a fine submission, and best of luck to you!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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One reviewer gave me a six star review so I am not changing it. Thanks for your kind review.
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I'm not asking you to change it, ma'am. It's simply a suggestion. Doesn't take away from your poem at all, have a nice day.
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You have a wonderful day too.
Comment from jaded831
Your poem reflects the feeling of every woman in this situation. Temptation is always there, what holds these women back is a mystery. The only way I would stay is if the opportunity never presents itself. Great job.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Your poem reflects the feeling of every woman in this situation. Temptation is always there, what holds these women back is a mystery. The only way I would stay is if the opportunity never presents itself. Great job.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind words on my poem.
Comment from pome lover
Your poem is sad, and I feel sorry for the girl. But though she knew it would take her a long time to heal, she made her decision, (good for her!) and did the right thing, so I don't see the temptation. Maybe if you had her do nothing, showing that she was tempted to hang on and see if he would change?
Also, in the second verse, second line: "she must leave him for sure I lost his trust." That is confusing to me.
These are just suggestions. I hope you don't mind.
Katharine
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Your poem is sad, and I feel sorry for the girl. But though she knew it would take her a long time to heal, she made her decision, (good for her!) and did the right thing, so I don't see the temptation. Maybe if you had her do nothing, showing that she was tempted to hang on and see if he would change?
Also, in the second verse, second line: "she must leave him for sure I lost his trust." That is confusing to me.
These are just suggestions. I hope you don't mind.
Katharine
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your kind words on my poem and for the excellent review.
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The second verse, second line, I typed it wrong.
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got it. :)
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story in a poem you have penned for the Temptation poetry contest. You used very good descriptive words and great imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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This is a very well written story in a poem you have penned for the Temptation poetry contest. You used very good descriptive words and great imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thanks for the six stars. I do appreciate it!
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you are so welcome! I hope all is well with you!
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I am doing fine other than my cat bit my left arm, and it is red and infected.
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Oh no! Has your cat ever done that before?
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Yes he has. He scratched my face bad once, also a couple other times.
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I am so sorry. Did you get a tetemause shot or use some Neosporin on the bites? Just please be careful. I love cats, but sometimes they can be tempo mental. I said a prayer for you!
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Yes I used a generic version of Neosporin, thanks for the prayers.
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You are so welcome. Is your cat o.k. now?
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Yes I think he is fine. He gets really ornery sometimes.
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lol Our oldest cat is named Angel Baby. She is spoiled rotten. Her sister, Rascal, died a few years ago. She has not had to hang out with Fluffy and Muffy, which is not her choice of cats to be with. She hisses at them a lot of times! I hope you and your little cat feel better soon! love and blessings, Teri
Comment from Paul McFarland
That's a sad one, Darla. Did she ever leave the no good s.o.b.? All too often this is played out in real life. When I looked at your picture, I thought you were going to write about Adam and Eve.
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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That's a sad one, Darla. Did she ever leave the no good s.o.b.? All too often this is played out in real life. When I looked at your picture, I thought you were going to write about Adam and Eve.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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I thought the apple was a good photo for a temptation contest. Of course she left him.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness with lovers like this, who needs enemies, a fun post for the contest and I wish you luck with this one, loved the rhymes, love Dolly x x x
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Oh my goodness with lovers like this, who needs enemies, a fun post for the contest and I wish you luck with this one, loved the rhymes, love Dolly x x x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thanks!
