Saving Mr. Calvin
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Saving Mr. Calvin - Ch. 38/39A"Golf's legacy and future
14 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this with us. I had a thought as I read, but not sure it's a good thought, but will state it anyway. I'm wondering if more information about Dana would help. Of course, she's important here, but not really important to the entire story so mor info may distract. Just a thought.
Over the course of the next week, (following week, has to deal with the definitions of the word. I don't correct it in dialogue because it's how we speak, but I do in narrative.)
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you for sharing this with us. I had a thought as I read, but not sure it's a good thought, but will state it anyway. I'm wondering if more information about Dana would help. Of course, she's important here, but not really important to the entire story so mor info may distract. Just a thought.
Over the course of the next week, (following week, has to deal with the definitions of the word. I don't correct it in dialogue because it's how we speak, but I do in narrative.)
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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You are wondering the same thing I'm wondering about Dana. She was much more part of the story in Some Call It Luck, but just a minor character here, but I've been wondering if I ought to beef her up a little more. In an author's note after a few more postings, I will be asking folks to comment on this so I can get some more opinions about it because I'm uncertain at this point.
Right now I'm leaning towards not because, like you said, she's not particularly important to this story, which in total is already 92,500 words long. I hate to add much more to it because I think it's long enough. But we'll see.
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I completely understand, that's why I hesitated even saying anything.
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I'm glad you did.
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I struggle with things like that all the time.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
To this, I find you're writing to be quite meticulous. And no doubt what you're saying for sure, your characters are Is vibrant colorful and believable.
You don't waste your sentence either. Redundant words that aren't required so that's very good professional writing. It kept me interested and I think it's a good contender. I hope you have the best day and good luck! Curious about the suit so i'm gonna look
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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To this, I find you're writing to be quite meticulous. And no doubt what you're saying for sure, your characters are Is vibrant colorful and believable.
You don't waste your sentence either. Redundant words that aren't required so that's very good professional writing. It kept me interested and I think it's a good contender. I hope you have the best day and good luck! Curious about the suit so i'm gonna look
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thanks very much, Lea. One of the things I do when writing the second draft of a novel (which this is), is to read the first draft over for redundancies and unnecessary words. I can often cut a lot of them out. When writing a first draft, you should just say things the way they come to you, but that's the importance of a second draft--to go back through and tighten it up.
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Thank you so much for that! Yeah, it completely makes sense to me as I've never written anything before so now I write. I thank you and I hope you have an amazing day.
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If you decide to keep writing prose, which I think you should because you are good at it, it's always good to read and re-read it several times to get it just right. Even after I've done that, when I go to post it on FanStory, I give it one more final reading, and almost always come up with a few more tweaks. Funny the way that works.
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Also very good advice thanks a lot! hope you're enjoying your day! Yes...I will keep writing 😁
Comment from Paul Manton
Thanks Jim. Now I have followed you for so long, I automatically predict a host of scenarios for the future story. Claire loses the suit! Would I have trusted my daughter with the one and only prototype? Are you nuts! I'd have hired armed guards whenever I unlocked it from its enclosure. It's as rare as the Mona Lisa for goodness sake!
So, that part is a bit annoying - but WHO has got it? And WHAT are they going to do with it? Could be in Dr. Who territory here! The possibility of patent stealing, reprogramming, winning everything going???? Well that's a complete book by itself, Jim.
And then Abby v. Dana - a ghost returned to haunt us - and a pretty competent spook at that. That's all the reviewing for now. I'm sure that Dana will haunt us a lot more yet.
And I spotted your 'inkling', never fear!
Paul
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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thanks Jim. Now I have followed you for so long, I automatically predict a host of scenarios for the future story. Claire loses the suit! Would I have trusted my daughter with the one and only prototype? Are you nuts! I'd have hired armed guards whenever I unlocked it from its enclosure. It's as rare as the Mona Lisa for goodness sake!
So, that part is a bit annoying - but WHO has got it? And WHAT are they going to do with it? Could be in Dr. Who territory here! The possibility of patent stealing, reprogramming, winning everything going???? Well that's a complete book by itself, Jim.
And then Abby v. Dana - a ghost returned to haunt us - and a pretty competent spook at that. That's all the reviewing for now. I'm sure that Dana will haunt us a lot more yet.
And I spotted your 'inkling', never fear!
Paul
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Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Perhaps you're right, and Kenny and Abby were too trusting of a pre-teen to not mess up, but then we wouldn't have what is to follow. Abby will learn an important lesson from this, though.
I like all your possibilities for what will happen!
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I can make a MUCH longer list if it helps!
Great stuff, Jim. Keep going.
Paul
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Ah ha! Has that conniving Dana got hold of the suit. But I'm not sure of the timescale of her sudden reappearance after such a long hiatus. But that doesn't actually matter thinking about it because she could have had spies at work since her return. Your story, as ever, is faultlessly written with good pace so that we move quickly into the second manufacture of the prototype. But the unexplained loss has set them back and caused much heartache to Claire. We shall see in your remaining piece. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Debbie
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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Ah ha! Has that conniving Dana got hold of the suit. But I'm not sure of the timescale of her sudden reappearance after such a long hiatus. But that doesn't actually matter thinking about it because she could have had spies at work since her return. Your story, as ever, is faultlessly written with good pace so that we move quickly into the second manufacture of the prototype. But the unexplained loss has set them back and caused much heartache to Claire. We shall see in your remaining piece. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Debbie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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I'll let you in on something I will be explaining in an author's note coming up in a few more postings: This part of the book is actually a jump into the story of Some Call It Luck, a novel I posted on FanStory at the beginning of 2023. You get the full story of Dana and how she happened to end up in Altoona in that novel.