Beach
Barefoot on the sands...11 total reviews
Comment from Eleri
This poem does make me wish that I was by the sea as it conjures up some lovely images. I like the idea of rhyming this poem but your rhyming scheme seems unusual. I presume you are rhyming 'peace' with 'teach', in which case your scheme appears to be abaccbd unless you are making a case for 'sea' rhyming with 'peace' and 'teach' which I think is a bit of a stretch. Also, your last five lines have a nice constant beat of 10 but your first two lines are a little bit longer, ie 12 and 11. I think that I would have used something like 'azure' instead of 'cerulean' in that first line in order to keep the beat more constant. Having said all of the above, this is a beautiful poem so good luck in the contest
Eleri
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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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This poem does make me wish that I was by the sea as it conjures up some lovely images. I like the idea of rhyming this poem but your rhyming scheme seems unusual. I presume you are rhyming 'peace' with 'teach', in which case your scheme appears to be abaccbd unless you are making a case for 'sea' rhyming with 'peace' and 'teach' which I think is a bit of a stretch. Also, your last five lines have a nice constant beat of 10 but your first two lines are a little bit longer, ie 12 and 11. I think that I would have used something like 'azure' instead of 'cerulean' in that first line in order to keep the beat more constant. Having said all of the above, this is a beautiful poem so good luck in the contest
Eleri
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2023
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Eleri,
Thank you for your review. I followed the example poem provided as my guide. I did not see a rhyme scheme in the example or in the requirements for this contest so I wrote a free verse poem without a rhyming scheme. I will take a second look and revise if the rules require the poem to rhyme.
All the best,
Eugene
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The poem does not have to rhyme but you had some end rhymes in your poem, ie flight and night so I presumed that you were intending to have some sort of rhyming scheme in it. Sorry if I misconstrued your intentions or mislead you in any way.
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No harm no foul. Your review was helpful and offered clarity with respect to the rules of the contest.
Eugene
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I revised the poem and added a rhyme scheme:
Beneath the azure sky we find true peace
Blessed by the sun our love will never cease
By the tranquil shore, lessons the waves teach,
Barefoot in the sand, our spirits take flight,
Balmy breezes, we kiss, the day turns to night,
Below the golden sun, where dreams soar free,
Beach, where our souls find solace by the sea.
